


Nemesis

by Morgan (morgan32)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-23
Updated: 2009-07-23
Packaged: 2017-10-02 11:06:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 48,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morgan32/pseuds/Morgan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack and Daniel's relationship takes a dark turn when Jack is kidnapped on an alien planet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Life is measured by the beating of a heart.

For him (his name was lost, somewhere in the fog of the drug they had given him), that heartbeat was someone else's. The only part of himself he could still hold. A name (not his own):

Daniel.

He curled his body into a ball around the pain. Pain, in his gut, just starting the slow build up toward agony. He was unaware that he was naked and filthy. Unaware that his body bore the marks of abuse: livid bruises stood out on the skin of his hips and waist and arms, dried blood mixed with semen crusted his ass and thighs. A cauterised wound across one shoulder blade showed early signs of infection. His body smelled of stale sweat and of sex. He knew none of this.

The pain he felt was partly hunger. Yet it was more than mere lack of food. His body craved certain essential proteins and salts that had in recent days been severely depleted. He needed potassium and vitamins; most of all, he needed water. He understood none of this.

He was aware only of pain, and of need. A desperate craving for the thing experience told him would take away the pain. And he knew a name.

Daniel.

To distract himself, he tried to remember. There had been lights, and people shouting. Someone had been asking him questions, the same thing over and over. But it had made no sense. Then ... then it got blurry. The lights had gone away. Daniel had been there, holding him, kissing him, making love to him and it had been wonderful. Danny had tried to ask him questions, too. And he had been confused, because Daniel knew he didn't know, except he kept asking, and asking as if he _should _know something. Then Daniel had been gone and he was left with pain. So much, too much pain.

Life is measured by the beating of a heart.

If Daniel wasn't with him any more, and he had no heartbeat to measure, did that mean his life was over?

***

The explosion was loud enough to wake the dead. An alarm began to blare and people in the surrounding buildings began to wake as walls shook and cracked. People began to run, and to scream.

"Now! Go!" Captain Samantha Carter gave the order and stepped back into the shadows. The child at her side tried to follow and Sam dragged her back by the collar. "You stay with me, 'Cantha," Sam snapped, not letting go of the kid's clothing. She hefted the machine gun to her shoulder in case she needed to lay down covering fire. Just last week, she remembered ironically, she had been complaining that these missions were getting routine. Right now she would give a lot for routine. Christ, she was an astrophysicist, not a marine, despite all the combat time she had logged over the years.

Teal'c led the way into the building, his big body clearing a path through the fleeing people. His staff-weapon was held firmly in his hand, primed to fire if necessary. Daniel Jackson followed him, a gun in his own hands, and inexpressible fear in his heart.

"This way," Teal'c said, turning left inside the building.

"Are you sure?" Daniel knew they didn't have time to debate. But they only had one shot at this, and he was panicking.

"The drawing we were given said this way," Teal'c confirmed. He was already moving down the corridor. It came to an end abruptly. There was a mesh door, like an industrial elevator, but no sign of a control panel. Teal'c calmly ran his hand down the wall beside the door, searching for an imperfection in the surface. He found what he was looking for and pushed, hard. There was a creaking of machinery as the elevator began to rise.

Daniel waited impatiently, his back to the elevator door, watching the corridor in case of pursuit. What was keeping that thing?

"Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said.

Daniel heard the clanking as Teal'c opened the elevator door and they both stepped inside. It moved faster than the elevators he was used to, causing a most uncomfortable sensation as it descended. Daniel didn't care. His hands were fumbling at the door before it had completely stopped moving and he was out of there, Teal'c at his heels.

The siren couldn't be heard down here. They were facing another corridor, long and dark, with doors every few metres.

"Jack!" Daniel called, praying that Jack could hear him and would answer.

They would never have time to check each door but, as Daniel's shout echoed back to them unanswered, that seemed to be their only choice. By unspoken agreement, Daniel took the left side of the corridor and Teal'c the right. They headed down, throwing open each door in turn, shining flashlights into each corner of the rooms revealed. None of the doors were locked.

It was only the fifth door he tried, but Daniel felt like he'd been searching forever. He pushed the door open and shone his flashlight across the floor. Illuminating the still and naked body of a man. His heart skipped a beat. Daniel rushed to the man's side, dropping to his knees. He reached out a hand to touch and found the flesh warm. He was still alive, then, at least.

His hands were shaking so much he could barely hold the flashlight. He managed to raise it, though, shining the light into the man's face, confirming his fear.

"Jack," he breathed, shocked. Then, louder, "Teal'c! I've found him! Teal'c!"

Gathering Jack's body into his arms, Daniel held him tightly and waited for help to come. _Oh, god, Jack, what have they done to you?_

He heard Jack's voice, mumbling something unintelligible, and held him closer, stroking his hair, trying to offer comfort.

Help arrived quickly. Teal'c showed no emotion at all, merely lifted Jack's body from Daniel's arms and carried him easily. Jack's eyes were open and he was breathing, but those were the only signs that he was even alive. More afraid than before, if that was possible, Daniel followed Teal'c out of the room.

***

The whole thing had started as a routine mission. The probe had sent back the usual data from the planet designated as P5-086: breathable, if somewhat rank, atmosphere, no obvious dangers and confirmed the existence of a working DHD. Visual information had been scant. The other Gate seemed to be underground or at least, indoors: the walls looked like brick. That was all. They had gated to planets before with less intel than that. Even so, they were prepared, as always, for the unexpected.

SG-1 had come through the Stargate and found themselves in darkness. It was, indeed a tunnel. The entrance could only be in one direction: the tunnel dead-ended at the Gate. So they had headed out, eventually emerging in the middle of a city, at night. On street level the smell was horrendous: old garbage and some other things none of them could identify. They had assumed, at first, that they had discovered a culture with a level of technology similar to their own. They should have known better, as Daniel said later, than to assume anything.

The buildings were many storeys tall, many of them built in some yellowish material that seemed to be stone, but didn't appear to require cement. The stone was darkened with age. Jack had urged caution as they headed out into the streets.

They all heard the shout, and a sound that could have been weapons-fire. Then someone ran out of one of the buildings, right in front of them. A girl, no more than twelve years old in appearance, with wild red hair and clothing that seemed to be made entirely of patches. She looked back over her shoulder as she ran, and screamed.

She ran right into Jack. Taken by surprise, he automatically crouched down to ask her what was wrong. Then he looked beyond her and there was no need to ask. A man appeared in the doorway, wielding a weapon of some kind. It didn't look like what they knew as a gun, but he was aiming it like one. Aiming straight at Jack and the child.

Teal'c stepped in front of them, his staff-weapon ready. When the man showed no hesitation, Teal'c fired, acting to protect them all.

Jack was on his feet at once. "Let's go, people!" he urged. They - and the girl - returned to the Stargate at a dead run. There had been no pursuit. At least, they saw none. Back in the tunnel that led to the Gate, they had time to regroup and try to work out what had happened.

The girl they had rescued gave her name as Acantha. She was a streetwise kid who insisted she had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time, resulting in her being "taken" by "The Web". The Web, according Acantha, were a terrifying group. She had gone into some detail on this point, but much of what she said was incomprehensible to SG-1, even Daniel. She wasn't speaking an odd language, just a completely different vernacular. He frowned, concentrating on what he could understand, managing to get a sense of her meaning.

"I get it," Jack had interrupted, unexpectedly. "They're the bad guys, right?"

She nodded vigorously. After a great many questions, they gathered the rest of the story from the girl. Depending, as Sam had pointed out, on how reliable her information was. The city was Nemesis Spaceport and Acantha was the daughter of a pilot, left to fend for herself while her father was away. The Web was a criminal cartel, dealing in everything from prostitution to high-level industrial crime; the name came from an illegal drug they manufactured, known as "Angel". Angel was a big problem in Nemesis.

Jack had asked her about the city authorities; SG-1's job was, after all, to make contact with other civilisations. Acantha was dismissive. When Jack pressed her, she guessed suddenly that they had come through the Stargate. ("You're _aliens_? Powerful!" she exclaimed, in a tone that implied approval.)

They weren't likely to get anything more out of her. Jack considered returning home at once: this place certainly gave the impression of being hostile. But the only information they had to go on was Acantha's and the potential benefits of making contact with an advanced culture did outweigh the risks. They would wait until morning, he decided, and venture out again. First, though, they had to get rid of the girl.

She agreed that she did have a home to go to, and she would be safe there. Of course, getting there was a different matter. Jack offered to escort her.

Both Daniel and Sam objected at once, but Jack overrode them both. "If we all go, it's conspicuous," he insisted. "I've got a good memory, Daniel. I'm not going to get lost."

But he had.

They thought he had. All they knew for sure was that he hadn't returned. They had waited six hours, before starting to worry, and then waited even longer.

Daniel remembered the argument he'd had with Sam about what they should do next. He had wanted to head out into the city and find Jack. Turn each and every building inside out, if necessary. Teal'c, saying little, had agreed. But they were scheduled to return through the Gate and Sam, being practical, pointed out that their chances of finding Jack quickly were slim. Nevertheless, she had been about to agree when Acantha appeared again.

The kid was in a state: she was terrified and was in tears by the time she found them. They had been attacked outside her home, she reported. She had escaped. "They" had taken Jack. Acantha believed she was next. She knew the Web and they would not give up.

At Sam's insistence - in Jack's absence, command of SG-1 fell to her - they dialled up Earth and returned through the Gate, taking Acantha with them.

Sam had no intention of staying away. It was necessary to make a report, to inform Earth of what they had found. They needed heavier weaponry and time to plan a proper rescue mission. If possible, they needed some backup, too.

They had done all those things, but it had taken time. Acantha had proved a mine of information, providing, among other things, drawings of the building where she believed the Web would be holding Jack. And, after many hours, every minute of the delay increasing Daniel's tension, they had returned to Nemesis, determined not to leave without Jack.

By then, Daniel was keeping control of his fears only by the thinnest edge. It would have helped if they had _known_ what was happening to Jack. It would have helped if he could have talked to someone. But there was no one, not even Sam, or Teal'c, in whom he could confide about this.

None of them knew that he and Jack were lovers.

***

Janet heard the alarm signal an off-world Stargate activation and headed into the Gate room without waiting for the summons. Only one team was due back today: SG1. She reached the Gate room just as the iris opened. Moments later Teal'c appeared, carrying a man's body in his arms. Janet felt her heart miss a beat as she recognised the Colonel. She pushed past the SFs at the base of the ramp to meet Teal'c.

Teal'c lowered his burden onto the ramp, allowing Janet to examine him. The Colonel was wrapped in Teal'c's jacket; otherwise he was naked. He was unconscious, his skin very pale and his breathing was shallow. His heartbeat seemed strong, however. He was alive.

"Let's get him to the infirmary," Janet ordered.

Teal'c lifted O'Neill's body easily and followed close behind her. Anticipating the worst, Janet had already prepared everything she might need, and led Teal'c straight to a bed. "Can you tell me what happened?" she asked him.

Teal'c laid the Colonel down, removing his jacket with gentle hands. "I cannot," he answered. "We found Colonel O'Neill in this condition."

"Has he regained consciousness at all since you found him?"

"He has not, Doctor Fraiser."

Not a good sign. She covered the Colonel's body with a blanket. "Thank you, Teal'c." Glancing up, she saw Sam and Daniel there with the child. Janet knew well the close bonds shared by the team, but she didn't want them present for _this_ examination. Firmly, she said, "Someone else will do your post-mission exam. You'll have plenty of time to debrief before I'm finished here." She turned her back on them, signalling to an assistant as she did so.

She was aware of the others leaving as she drew the blanket back from her patient's body. "He's been unconscious for some time. I want a heart monitor on him, and a ventilator standing by." There were dozens of minor injuries visible. There was bruising around his eyes and left cheekbone. The skin was swollen, but it appeared to be minor. She checked the cheekbone by touch: it didn't seem to be broken, but she noted his skin was hot; he was running a fever. The Colonel was breathing through his mouth: the nasal passages must be blocked. There was no sign of head trauma, so why was he unconscious? The fever? Drugs?

There was dried blood on his shoulder. Janet lifted his body carefully and saw a wound that looked like a burn. She moved away while her assistant put the heart monitor in place. Picking up a syringe, Janet reached for his arm, intending to put an IV in place. She saw a small mark on the inside of his elbow. She looked more closely. Six tiny puncture marks were visible in a circle above the vein. An injection? Janet put the IV into his other arm, leaving that site untouched. She would try to get a sample from there later, to find out what he had been injected with. She checked his ribs quickly: there was some bruising, but nothing broken.

"Help me turn him over," she said. The burn looked like the worst of it. As Janet cleaned and dressed the wound, she could see it wasn't merely a burn. It was a deep puncture wound...as if he had been stabbed with something like an ice pick. The burn happened after the original wound, on the exact site. Perhaps an attempt to cauterise it? If so it was clumsily done: the skin around the wound was red with the beginnings of an infection.

There were many scratches on his back, too. Janet couldn't guess the cause. She cleaned the wounds, leaving them uncovered. Then she noticed the bruising on his hips. Her blood ran cold. The bruises were clearly the marks of fingers. She had seen marks like that before.

***

Daniel couldn't sit still. He stood up and started to pace again. Sam, leaning back against the wall outside the infirmary, watched Daniel pace, saying nothing. Daniel was grateful for her silence.

_He's going to be okay. He's **got** to be okay._ Daniel had been telling himself the same thing, over and over, ever since they got Jack back through the Stargate. He wasn't doing a great job of convincing himself. The image of Jack, the way they had found him was burned into his mind, there every time Daniel closed his eyes. Jack, lying naked and unresponsive in a cold, dark room. Jack, his face pale, his body showing a number of wounds and bruises. And, god, the stink in that room. Jack could have been there for days.

It was too horrible to think about. Yet he couldn't help thinking about it.

The _click_ as the door opened was loud in the room. Daniel spun around, quickly. Dr Fraiser stood in the doorway, her expression grave.

"How is he?" Daniel asked at once.

"Essentially, he's not in bad shape," Janet told them. "He hasn't regained consciousness yet, but..."

"Can I - _we_ see him?" Daniel interrupted her.

She shook her head. "Not just yet, Doctor Jackson. I need to speak with..." She turned, hearing footsteps approach. "General Hammond," she said, both completing her sentence and greeting the new arrival.

"Report, Doctor." The words were crisp, but Hammond's tone gave away his concern. The General believed in taking care of those under his command; an incident like this one aroused his fatherly instincts.

Dr Fraiser nodded and stepped back, the gesture inviting them to enter the infirmary. Hammond, of course, went first, the others followed: Daniel barely concealing his agitation, Sam, grim-faced and in control, Teal'c, impassive as always, his expression giving nothing away. Janet led them into her "office": a small area of the infirmary separated from the rest by tables and a screen.

"There are rules about doctor/patient confidentiality," she began, speaking in a low voice, "and Colonel O'Neill isn't yet able to give his consent to..."

Hammond interrupted her, "That cannot be allowed to apply here, Doctor. Anything relevant to the mission I need to know. Colonel O'Neill is well aware of that fact."

"Yes, sir," she replied, clearly reluctant.

"Your report, Doctor," Hammond insisted.

"Yes, sir," Janet said again, and took a deep breath. "He has a wound to his right shoulder from what looks like a projectile weapon. Someone attempted to treat it by cauterising the wound and it didn't work. There's an infection there, but it's nothing we can't treat now he's here. Body temperature is a little high and his reflexes aren't good; there could be some neural damage. He's badly dehydrated. Blood tests indicate he's lacking in some essential salts and minerals. If I didn't know better I would say he had been without food for more than a week." Except Janet knew he had been held captive only a few days. "It's nothing we can't fix now he's home. The Colonel seems to be comfortable, and we're getting some fluids into him." She hesitated again.

"But?" Daniel prompted.

Another deep breath. "The Colonel was ... mistreated during his captivity. There is a substance in his bloodstream I've never seen before. I'm analysing it now, but my first guess is it's some kind of narcotic."

Sam nodded. "They call it ‘Angel'," she volunteered. "From what I could gather it's something similar to heroin."

Janet shook her head. "I would recognise heroin. Chemically, this is totally different," she disagreed. "Whatever it is, it will take some time to analyse. But there's something else you should know." Again, the hesitation. A too-quick glance at Daniel, who was hanging on her every word, and her eyes returned to General Hammond.

"Well?" he asked her.

"There's some damage to the tissues around his anus, and I found traces of semen. Not his." There, it had been said. Her clinical tone masked the horror Janet had felt when she reached that stage of her examination.

Daniel's face paled. "Are you..." he began, and stopped, choking on the words. He paused, and tried again, his voice a quavering wreck. "Are you saying he was _raped_?" He felt sick.

But Janet shook her head. "Not rape, exactly. There's some bruising, but no evidence that he fought whoever did this."

"That's not possible!" Daniel blurted.

Sam reached out and rested her hand on his arm, gently. She did not speak.

"Doctor Jackson, Colonel O'Neill was given a narcotic. He may not have known what was happening to him. Certainly it's unlikely he was in any position to resist. Be grateful. If this had been rape the damage could have been a lot worse."

Daniel's legs wouldn't support him. He staggered and fumbled for the edge of the table behind him, leaning on it for support. "Can we see him?" he repeated weakly.

This time, Janet nodded. "You can, but only for a few minutes. He's sleeping and I don't want him disturbed. This way."

As the others followed the Doctor, Sam caught Daniel's arm, holding him back. "Are you okay, Daniel?" she asked.

_No, I'm not okay,_ Daniel thought. But what he said was, "Fine."

She offered a sympathetic look. "Hang in there, Daniel."

He ignored her, heading after Janet. He had to see Jack.

***

"Daniel!" Sam called after him as he left the infirmary. He had seen his lover, but only from a distance. Doctor Fraiser wouldn't allow more before she had completed her tests. Daniel, hating the sight of the machines surrounding Jack, had walked out. Sam followed, calling after him. Daniel didn't turn around. She hurried after him, overtook and blocked his way. "Daniel," she said again.

"You're not my favourite person right now, Sam. Just leave me alone, would you?" Daniel tried to move past her.

Sam moved into his path again, determinedly. The uncharacteristic attack hurt, but she did understand. "Daniel, that's not fair," she replied calmly.

"If you hadn't insisted we come back here without Jack..." Daniel's voice trailed off suddenly and he slumped against the wall, emotion spent. "Sam, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"I know," she said softly. "Can we talk somewhere private?"

"Sure," Daniel agreed, but Sam could hear the confusion in his voice.

They found an empty office and Sam pulled up a couple of chairs. Daniel, grateful, sat down. "What is it, Sam?" he asked wearily.

She hesitated, not sure, suddenly if she should say what was on her mind. "Daniel...look, I know you're worried about Colonel O'Neill. But you've got to be more careful what you say."

He was slumped in the chair, looking down at the ground. "What are you talking about?" he asked her.

"I think you know. It's not going to help either of you if Colonel O'Neill recovers only to face a court martial."

At that Daniel's head jerked up, his eyes wide behind his glasses. "What do you mean?" he asked, but there was no confidence in the question.

"Do I have to spell it out? Janet Fraiser is no fool and neither is General Hammond. This isn't the time to wear your heart on your sleeve, Daniel."

Daniel was silent for a long moment. Eventually, he asked her, "How long have you known, Sam?" He brushed his hair back with one hand.

She smiled gently. "About three months."

Daniel stared at her. He and Jack had been lovers for about that long.

"I saw the Colonel's face when we had to leave you on the Goa'uld ship," Sam added. "And yours, when we got back safely."

Daniel remembered. Everyone had been busy celebrating the Goa'uld defeat. Everyone, that was, except Daniel whose head was spinning with confusion and mixed feelings, and Jack, who had vanished. It had been Sam, he remembered suddenly, who had told him Jack had left the base. Daniel had seized the excuse to leave as well, and when he had arrived at his apartment Jack had been there, waiting for him.

That day had been wonderful. The day they finally put past misunderstandings behind them and admitted they were in love.

The memory strong in his mind, Daniel thought of Jack lying in the infirmary, and felt tears sting his eyes. "What did they do to him, Sam?" he asked brokenly, not really expecting an answer. "Why?"

She slid her chair closer to his and stole an arm around his shoulders. "He's going to be fine."

"I've got to be with him, Sam. I can't let him go through this alone." Daniel's voice was rough.

She nodded. "I know. I wouldn't expect you to leave him. But, Daniel, _be careful_. You do know the Air Force has rules about..."

He nodded. "Yes, I know. So does Jack. We both know the risks, Sam." It was true. Those risks had almost kept them apart. It had almost been too late when Daniel had finally realised how much Jack meant to him, or, rather, how much they meant to each other. Even then, it had been hard for him to get past his fears, bitter and painful experience having taught him how big a mistake this might turn out to be. But he had come past it, and in the few short weeks since that day, Jack had become a part of him in a way no one else ever had, or ever could.

Jack. Chocolate-brown eyes that shone with feeling, revealing the depths he tried so hard to conceal from the world. Sensual, talented mouth. Wicked sense of humour that could surface at the most inappropriate times. Hands that could reduce Daniel in moments to a trembling wreck composed only of desire.

Jack, lying unconscious in the infirmary, after god-alone-knew what sort of an ordeal.

Jack. Daniel understood Sam's warning. He could see the sense in it, even. By and large, he and Jack had been able to keep their sexual relationship out of the workplace. An occasional word, a touch, if they knew they were alone, but nothing more, during the day. As far as anyone could tell (except Sam, apparently) they were simply close friends. Off the base it was different, and they had been all but living together for weeks. _Your place or mine?_ had become a private joke and it was rare for them to sleep apart.

Until now.

***

If you could ignore the tubes and wires running from Jack's body to the half-dozen pieces of medical equipment that surrounded the bed, Jack looked okay. There wasn't much colour in his cheeks, and he was still under sedation, but he'd been cleaned up, his hair combed, and he looked like he was sleeping peacefully. A vast improvement on the last time Daniel had seen him, barely conscious in Teal'c's arms, muttering something none of them could hear.

Daniel stood at the foot of the bed, just watching. The heart monitor was the only sound in the room: its regular beep reassuring. A new sound: Daniel heard footsteps behind him and turned.

"You should be at home," Dr Fraiser said softly.

Daniel shook his head, idly wondering if Janet ever slept. "I wouldn't be able to sleep. After what you told us he's been through..." _Come on, make it sound plausible._ "...Jack shouldn't be alone."

He was expecting her to point out that she was here, and her staff were here, and send him home. She didn't. She simply nodded. "You could be right. You can sleep here tonight, Doctor Jackson." She indicated the bed next to Jack's: it was empty. "But I do mean, _sleep_," she added firmly. "If I find you lying awake, I'll sedate you, as well."

Janet's mouth pursed in a mock-severe expression and Daniel smiled, responding to her attempt at humour. "Yes, sir," he said, raising his hand in a fairly sloppy salute.

"Bed," she instructed. "Draw the screen across if you want the privacy." She had been checking the monitors around Jack as they spoke. She adjusted the flow of the drip and turned to go.

"Janet," Daniel called after her.

She turned back.

"Thank you."

Her expression softened. "You're welcome."

Daniel was sure he wouldn't be able to sleep, but with the steady beep of the heart monitor and the sound of Jack's breathing to reassure him, he did eventually drift off. His sleep was light, though, and troubled by vague, disquieting dreams. He woke several times, never quite sure what had woken him, but each time the constant beep helped him relax into sleep again.

And then he heard his name.

Wide awake, suddenly, Daniel sat up. He looked over to where Jack lay.

"Danny," Jack mumbled again.

Daniel slipped out of the bed, ignoring the chill of the air on his bare legs. He glanced around the darkened room; through the glass he could see the nurse at the monitors in the next room but he and Jack were alone. There was no chair near Jack's bed so he sat on the edge of the mattress instead. He clasped Jack's hand in his own. "I'm here, Jack."

Jack opened his eyes, but Daniel didn't think he was seeing much. "Danny?" Jack said again.

"I'm here."

"...Cold..." It was a whisper.

Daniel couldn't resist. He moved up the bed so he could take Jack into his arms, sharing his body warmth with his lover. He had been sleeping in his T-shirt and underwear (sleeping naked being unwise, where he was); that was all he was wearing. Jack melted into his arms, seeking comfort as much as warmth, and Daniel held him close. The relief was inexpressible. For the first time since they'd left that accursed planet, he believed Jack would be all right.

"Hurts," Jack offered.

Instantly, Daniel was worried again. God, what had Jack been through? He was more coherent than this on a gallon of Thunderbird! "Hurts?" Daniel repeated. "Hurts where, Jack?"

Jack took Daniel's hand and placed it lightly on his stomach.

"Your stomach hurts?" Daniel confirmed, and Jack nodded.

"I'll fetch a doctor," Daniel said, starting to get up.

Jack gripped his hand tighter. "No...stay, Danny." Then Jack began to slide his hand lower. Daniel caught his breath, gently pulling his hand away.

"Please," Jack begged him.

"Please what, Jack?"

"...me. Doesn't hurt when you're with me. C'mon Danny." Jack's hand strayed to Daniel's groin.

Daniel cursed the beginnings of an erection and pulled Jack's hand away. "There's nothing I'd like more," he said softly, kissing him lightly on the lips. "But you're in no shape for it, Jack." He surrounded Jack with his arms, praying that would be enough. "Just try to rest, Jack," he urged.

Jack seemed to relax as Daniel held him. Daniel wasn't sure how long they lay like that. Jack was conscious but he wasn't exactly coherent. Daniel simply held him, hoping his presence helped, though there was something profoundly uncomfortable about it. Jack was not the type who generally needed to be held, or comforted. He should have been pushing Daniel away. Instead he lay back in Daniel's arms, quiescent.

When Daniel heard footsteps he detached himself quickly from Jack, mindful of Sam's warning. Jack never stirred. Daniel was pulling his trousers on when Doctor Fraiser entered the room.

"How is he?" she asked.

"Isn't that my question?" Daniel answered. He had his back to her, just finishing getting dressed. He rubbed a hand across his chin: he was going to need a shower and shave when he could find a moment.

"The monitors say he's stable," Janet reported. "But you're the one who's been here all night. Did he wake at all?"

Daniel nodded. "We talked for a while, but he was pretty groggy. Is that the sedative you gave him?"

"It's...possible," she allowed. She didn't sound convinced.

"Doctor, that drug you said was in his bloodstream - did you finish your analysis?"

"As much as I can, yes. Is there something I should know, Daniel?"

He hesitated, not sure how much to say. _Keep it innocent, Daniel._ "I was wondering if it was an hallucinogen. Jack said something to me, something odd."

"What did he say?"

"He complained of pain, but he wouldn't let me fetch a doctor. He said it always hurt less when I was with him. But I haven't _been_ with him for days." A double meaning, there. At least it was truthful.

Janet didn't seem surprised. "He said something similar yesterday when I examined him. I think he believes you were imprisoned with him. It's likely the drug affected his perceptions. I wish I was certain."

"What do you know?"

"Nothing good. Colonel O'Neill inhaled a narcotic substance. My guess is it was forced on him to keep him passive. He was given something else, too, by injection. I'm not even close to identifying that."

Daniel sat down heavily on the bed he had slept in. "You said narcotic," he repeated, weakly. "Do you mean addictive?"

Janet sighed. "I just don't know. Without a sample of the drug itself any analysis I do is severely limited. Tell me, if General Hammond authorised a return to that planet, how easily could you obtain a sample for me?"

Daniel shrugged. "Ask Acantha. Sam seems to think it's as easy as picking up smack on the streets of New York."

Janet nodded to herself. "I'll talk to the General, then. In the meantime, you should get cleaned up. And eat."

"I will. But..." Daniel hesitated, looking at Jack.

"I'll send for you if he wakes up, Doctor Jackson."

***

The hot water thrummed against his body, and Daniel found himself relaxing for the first time in days. For the first time since Jack had gone missing. Steam rose around him, filling the air and he breathed deeply. His hands, slick with soap, moved over the curves of his body slowly. He had become a lot more aware of his body since getting involved with Jack. He was fairly fit: he had never lifted weights or followed a fitness regime, but his lifestyle over the past two years had kept him fit. His body was slim and wiry, and he was surprisingly strong. Something he knew his lover appreciated.

His hands slid down over his firm stomach and he began to imagine Jack's touch. The way they had been at Jack's home, for example, a few days before the disastrous mission to Nemesis. Daniel had woken early, and crept out of the bed to the bathroom, intending, as had become a habit, to shower and shave before returning to bed and waking Jack. That morning, however, Jack had woken as he left, and followed him a few moments later into the shower. Daniel hadn't been aware of Jack's presence until he felt Jack's arms snaking around his waist.

Jack held him close, his chest pressed to Daniel's back, his lips bent to Daniel's neck as the water soaked them both. His hands had found Daniel's rapidly swelling cock and he had begun to stroke it, holding Daniel tight against him, his own erection sliding along the crack of Daniel's ass. Daniel pushed back against Jack's cock, longing to feel Jack inside him. He found he was thrusting involuntarily back against Jack's body, and into Jack's hands, the sensations quickly becoming overwhelming. He leaned back into his lover's arms, resting his head on Jack's shoulder. Jack's hands on his cock worked harder, more insistently, the hot water a delicious counterpoint to the sensations. And Daniel cried out, giving himself over to his orgasm, trusting Jack to hold him up as he came, his pearly semen coating Jack's hands before the water swept it away.

He had turned then, in Jack's arms, seeking his kiss. As their tongues met he was acutely aware of Jack's arousal. He slipped his hand between their bodies, caressing Jack's cock, and dropped to his knees to return the favour. Hot water gushed over his hair, his face and back, as Jack's hot seed flooded his mouth.

Now _that_ was the way to start a day.

Daniel groaned, stroking himself hard, bringing himself to a quick, but satisfying climax. He remembered Jack, curling into his arms, asking, almost begging Daniel to make love to him. He shook his head. All he had wanted to do was obey. But it hadn't seemed like Jack. Not _his_ Jack, always supremely self-confident. Jack, who liked to take the lead in bed, a lead Daniel was thrilled to follow. Jack, who so rarely allowed his self-control to slip.

God, Jack...

He turned the shower off abruptly, reaching for a towel.

_...traces of semen...not rape, exactly...a narcotic, probably addictive..._

Daniel's thin edge of control broke and he sank to the ground. Sitting there on the cold, wet tiles, he buried his face in the towel and wept for his lover.

***

The picture was a bit fuzzy, as security tapes generally were. It showed a scene they were all familiar with: one of the guest quarters of SGC. With the room in darkness, the tape had switched to an infrared view, everything tinted green. There was a closet, a table, two chairs and a bed. Lying in the bed, asleep, was the figure of a girl: Acantha.

"I don't see anything unusual, Major," General Hammond pointed out. He spoke for all of them. Daniel turned away from the screen, impatiently. He had more important things on his mind than invading a child's privacy. Sam met his agitated look calmly, her eyes sympathetic.

"Not at this point," Major Maddox agreed. "But look at this." He rewound the tape, and they were treated to a screen full of static.

Then the tape began to play again. They saw Acantha enter the room, with Sam. Sam was talking, showing the girl around, but the tape had no soundtrack. The lack of sound helped them focus on the girl rather than on the speaker. Acantha was looking around herself constantly, not following Sam's commentary at all.

"She's a bit antsy," Major Maddox said, adding his own commentary.

"She's been through a lot, Major," Daniel argued. Was this what he'd been dragged in here to see?

"I know. But look what she did after Captain Carter left."

Once she was alone in the room, Acantha's demeanour changed rapidly. She stood in the middle of the room and looked around. On the tape, they could clearly see her stop, staring upward for a few moments, then turn around. She looked directly up at the camera, and turned away again.

"She located all three security cameras," Maddox told them. "Even the one that's hidden, here." He tapped the screen.

The tape continued to run. Acantha walked into the adjacent bathroom, left the door open and the lights on, and then came right out again. She went methodically around the room, opening and closing drawers and examining the empty closet (some of what she did there the cameras couldn't see). She then went to the bed and sat down, her expression solemn.

"She's exploring," Daniel observed. "What's so odd about that?"

"With respect, Doctor Jackson, I don't think that's what she was doing. General Hammond, I've worked in intelligence myself, sir. I still do that," - he motioned to the screen again - "myself. It's automatic when I'm sleeping in a strange place. Locate any surveillance and then check that there's a back door."

Sam, the first of them to understand what Maddox was implying, shook her head in denial. "Major, 'Cantha is twelve years old."

Maddox simply wound the tape onward a bit further. "And look at this," he suggested.

Horizontal lines signalling they were watching the picture on fast-forward marred the image. Nevertheless, the image was fairly clear: Acantha was sitting on the bed, almost perfectly still, staring at spot just below the camera.

"She was watching the clock," Major Maddox explained. "She just sat there staring at it for over half an hour. And then..."

He switched the playback to real time. They watched as Acantha left her perch on the bed and went to the table. She picked up a pen, extracted a sheet of paper from the stationary assembled there and began to scribble furiously. She filled both sides of the paper. Then she looked up, put the pen away, stood and methodically tore the paper into pieces, depositing them into a trashcan in the corner of the room.

"When she went with you for breakfast," Major Maddox said to Sam, "I emptied the trash." He produced six torn scraps of paper from his breast pocket and spread them out on the table.

Daniel looked over them, not needing a prompt, and helped the Major arrange the pieces into the correct order, like a jigsaw. Then he leaned over the table, taking a closer look.

"Daniel?" Sam prompted.

He looked up, a slight frown creasing his brows. "It's...I'm not certain, Sam. It resembles Doric Greek, I _think_, but if I'm right it's a derivation, not the language I know." His eyes returned to the characters on the paper, his frown deepening. "I just don't recognise...my God!" Daniel's head jerked up and his eyes, meeting Sam's, were alight with the thrill of discovery. "Sam, it's going to take a while to translate, but look at this." As she moved closer, he pointed out a few characters on the page. "Look familiar, Sam?"

"Not really," she said. "I mean, yes, vaguely. We use Greek characters in complex mathematics, but I don't - "

"Exactly! Sam, this..." Daniel saw the General's impatient expression and backed up. "I'm sorry, General. What I'm saying is, I don't think these are words at all. It's some sort of formula. Or a calculation."

Her interest caught, Sam leaned over the table to study the paper.

"And that means...?" Hammond prompted.

Sam straightened up. "It means," she announced, her eyes on Major Maddox, "that she is either a child prodigy, or a great deal older than she looks."

***

"Are you strong enough to tell me what you remember?" Janet asked. She was pleased with her patient. Jack had awakened soon after she kicked Daniel out of the infirmary. True to her word, she had sent someone to find Daniel, but either they hadn't found him, yet, or Daniel wasn't hurrying.

Jack turned his head away, avoiding her eyes. "Strong enough? Maybe. But I'd rather not." His voice was still weak; he hated the sound of it. "Is there any water around here?"

Janet shook her head. "You can't eat or drink until I'm sure of your condition, Colonel. I'm sorry." She paused, then added, "It _would_ help if you'd tell me..."

"Bribery, Doctor?"

"If you like. Colonel, anything you tell me will be confidential unless you say otherwise. I'm interested in getting you healthy, not in sordid details."

Jack wondered if she knew what a kick in the guts those words were. It sounded as if she already knew the details. He tried to remember what happened, exactly. How had he come to be here, back on Earth? But the memory wasn't there.

"What do you want to know?" he asked her eventually.

"Everything you remember."

Jack, reluctantly, started to speak. The pain was returning. It made it harder to focus. And the memories were fuzzy anyway. He remembered walking the streets of Nemesis with Acantha: she had been playing tour guide, pointing out what she considered the sights as they walked. Then, with no warning at all, there had been an explosion of agony in his shoulder, enough to drive him to his knees. Acantha had cried out his name, looking around wildly.

...Then nothing.

Until the room with the lights. That was all he remembered, lights. And voices, shouting. Questions. No..._one_ question, asked over and over. "Where is Serapis?" The question made no sense. Jack, still able to think a little, at that point, had realised this was most likely a case of mistaken identity. But when he had tried to say it...

He'd had training in mind-control. He knew techniques that were supposed to help him resist interrogation, or even torture. But what use was that when he genuinely didn't know anything? He hurt. His shoulder, his face, his whole damned body. He hurt.

It didn't seem a good idea to explain he had come through the Stargate. He had a feeling he wasn't in the hands of the good guys on this planet.

Then someone held a cloth over his face, forcing him to breathe through it. It had smelled odd. Sharp. Bitter. And the hurt went away.

Someone was there. Someone touching him. Someone he loved, wanted...

Jack stumbled over his narrative, self-defence kicking in. No _way_ was he going to tell the Doctor it had been Daniel.

Janet waited for him to speak again. When he didn't, she asked, "A man?"

"Does it matter?" Jack snapped.

"Actually it does, a great deal. Try to understand, Colonel. You were given a drug I've never seen before. I need to know as much as possible about its effects."

With great reluctance, Jack nodded. "Yes. A man."

"A fantasy figure? Or someone real?"

Involuntarily, Jack looked for Daniel. "Real," he answered. Daniel was nowhere to be seen. He met Janet's eyes again, his expression warning her not to push him any further on this subject.

Janet simply nodded. "And what's the next thing you remember, Colonel?"

Jack closed his eyes. Sex. Incredible, amazing, impossibly hot sex. That was what he remembered. Daniel, mastering Jack with a sensual skill that made him melt completely. Daniel, thrusting inside him, bringing him to climax after climax, telling Jack how wonderful he was, how much Daniel loved him. Daniel, the exquisite attentions of his lips and tongue and hands driving the pain far, far away.

His mind now firmly anchored in reality, Jack could recognise those memories for what they were: a drug-induced fantasy. But no trip, surely, could possibly be so real? He _remembered_ every detail: the texture of Daniel's tongue on his cock, the scent of Daniel's arousal when Jack had taken him into his mouth, the sound of Daniel's groan and the hot gush of his seed inside Jack's body...so much greater, so much _more _than reality could be.

Not real.

Oh, God, what had they done to him?

Just the fleeting memory had Jack aroused again. He shifted uncomfortably, aware of the monitors around him registering his heartbeat suddenly a little faster, embarrassed and afraid that Doctor Fraiser would notice his condition.

And then, terrifyingly unexpected, the pain ripped into him, his muscles convulsed. A scream was torn from his throat before he could stop it. Jack heard Doctor Fraiser's voice dimly, heard her shouting for help as she reached his side. He wasn't aware of the heart-monitor sounding an alert, or of Janet's hands on his body, trying to calm him. He tried to open his eyes. He saw, through a film of red, the glint of a needle as the Doctor prepared a hypodermic. Panic seized him as she reached for his arm and he struck out at the needle, weakly batting her hands away.

The pain was unrelenting. Jack's breath came in short gasps. He couldn't cry out again. A further wave of pain and everything went black.

***

"Where's that crash-cart?" Janet shouted over her shoulder. She pulled the sheet away from Jack's chest and started CPR by hand. The heart-monitor was going crazy. _Come on, Colonel. Don't give up on me now_, she willed silently.

An orderly finally appeared with the cart, and Janet snapped, "Charge!" not pausing in what she was doing. The machines said he was breathing. But his heart...

And as suddenly as it had begun, the attack was over. The heart monitor stuttered once, then settled into its normal, regular bleep. Janet allowed herself to breathe again. She checked his temperature and pulse by hand: unnecessary as the monitors gave her all the information she needed, but reassuring to herself. Then she stepped back from the bed.

"Leave the cart here," she told the orderly. "We might need it again. And page Doctor Jackson and General Hammond."

The orderly accepted the orders and left. It was only then that Janet noticed the other person in the room. The child SG-1 had brought back from that planet (Janet had examined her once but couldn't remember her name) was standing silently at the foot of the bed, her face pale as she stared at the Colonel, her expression grave.

"How long have you been there?" Janet asked her. Her voice was calm now.

Acantha looked from patient to doctor. "They gave him Angel, didn't they?" she said softly.

"Angel?" Janet repeated. Sam Carter had used that word, too... "Is that the name of a drug?"

Acantha nodded. "_The_ drug," she said. "Shit, Jack, I'm so sorry."

"He can't hear you," Janet began gently.

She was stopped by Acantha's scathing look. "I _know_ that," she insisted. "How much did they give him, Doctor Janet? Have you done a PET scan?"

"A what?"

"A PET scan. Or a neural map."

Janet blinked. She looked like a child, but she certainly didn't sound like one. "I don't...we don't have the technology for..." she floundered. What the hell was a PET scan? She heard the tannoy calling for Doctor Jackson. It brought her back to focus. Ignoring the girl, for the moment, Janet turned to her patient.

The Colonel's eyes were closed, but his features were relaxed, now, showing no sign of pain. Janet didn't like his colour, there was very little blood in his cheeks, and his temperature was still too high for comfort. The two symptoms together were incongruous. She made a mental note to add some glucose to the fluids they were giving him and pulled the sheet back up, covering O'Neill's body. Her actions were normal, professional, but Colonel O'Neill wasn't merely another patient, no matter how hard she tried to stay detached. He was a man who had saved her life, saved all of their lives, more than once. If _this_ patient died, and he had just come dangerously close to it, Janet was going to take it very personally.

***

Acantha only glanced at the torn paper. She looked up at the General and smiled. "I wasn't sure if you'd find that. Did someone manage to translate it?"

Daniel nodded. "I've made a start," he confessed. He wasn't happy with having to admit that: it was, after all, Acantha's business, not his.

Acantha did not seem perturbed. "So now you're wondering what exactly I was writing, and whether or not I've been telling you the truth," she said. It wasn't a question.

General Hammond leaned forward in his chair. "Are you prepared to answer some questions?" he asked her.

"If I'm not?"

"We'll send you back through the Stargate. You're not a prisoner here, child."

Acantha nodded. "That," she pointed to the torn-up paper, "is just math. I was trying to figure out how your time relates to mine. How long your year is. If you can help me learn your symbols, I'll happily translate it for you. It's not secret."

"Why would you want to know that?" Daniel asked her curiously. _If I was twelve years old, in a strange place on a different **planet**, I don't think that would be my first question._ He thought about his own childhood, growing up with foster parents after his own parents died, and he had to stop himself smiling suddenly. _Then again, maybe..._

Acantha directed her answer to Daniel. "Colonel Jack thought I was twelve years old. It doesn't fit. So I was curious. Plus...sooner or later you were going to ask questions."

They were seated in Hammond's office, just the three of them. Hammond, still thinking of her as a child, hadn't wanted to frighten or intimidate her. He just wanted to get to the bottom of this mystery. Daniel, much as he wanted to stay in the infirmary with Jack, had been unable to think of a good excuse to refuse when Hammond asked him to join them. So here he was, on edge and worried, trying desperately not to show it.

"How old are you, Acantha?" Daniel asked her, anxious to get to the point.

"Um...you have twenty four hours in a rotation, right? Not twelve?"

"That's right," Daniel confirmed. "Seven days in a week, fifty two weeks in a year."

Acantha nodded. "That would make me about twenty five of your years."

_That's impossible!_ was Daniel's first reaction. With an effort, he bit his tongue on the words. His tone mild, he said, "That doesn't seem possible, 'Cantha."

She laughed. "Very diplomatic, Doctor. I know how I look. I'll try to explain, shall I?"

General Hammond said, "Please do."

"Most of what I've told you was true. My father was a pilot. He was also a carrier engineer. I was a space brat: a child who hung around the spaceports because I had nowhere else to be. When I was eight years old - twelve, on your planet - I nearly died in an accident. My father was repairing an engine and I fell into the open cover, just as he fired up the test cycle. It was...well, like I said, I nearly died. I would have died, if my father hadn't authorised what was done to me."

Acantha spoke matter-of-factly, her face expressionless. "My body was ruined, but my brain was still intact. The surgeons salvaged what they could, replaced what they couldn't with synthetic tissue, or cybernetic implants." She held out her hands to Daniel. "They look and feel real, don't they? But they're not. Most of my skeleton is real, and my skin. A lot of what's in between is synthetic. Doctor Janet told me you can do a radiographic scan, so you should be able to verify that."

"That doesn't explain your apparent age," Daniel said. Truthfully, _all_ of this was hard to take in. Yet he noticed, even as he spoke, that he had stopped thinking of her as a child. The words she used and the confidence in her demeanour both belied her apparent age, and Daniel instinctively addressed her on that level, as an equal.

"It does if you think about it," Acantha told him. "Synthetic implants can't grow. The surgery that was done on me is almost never authorised for children, because the medics are left with a choice between regular replacement surgery, or...or what was done for me."

"And what was that?"

She took a deep breath. "I was given treatments to stop my growth, surgery to prevent other forms of physical development. As a side effect, I won't - can't - age, outwardly. I'll look like this until I die. But it didn't stop the development of my brain. I am of majority in my world." She hesitated, and added, "I'm also a government agent."

***

#### Two Days Later

The whirr of the scanner sounded unnaturally loud as Doctor Fraiser slowly passed it over Jack's body. Daniel watched apprehensively. He knew the scanner was painless: he had been under it himself an hour before, when Tate, the medic from Nemesis who had agreed to help them, had needed a healthy subject to calibrate the machine. Nonetheless, it was alien technology and Daniel was worried, exceptionally worried, about Jack.

Jack's condition had worsened steadily since they rescued him from Nemesis. Janet Fraiser had done her best: he was still alive. And sometimes, he seemed almost well. Jack had even been complaining, that morning, about being forced to stay in bed. Then with no warning he had collapsed in pain again. There seemed no pattern to the attacks, no reason for it. Dr. Fraiser had done every test she knew, and could speak of an imbalance here, a deficiency there, but she was afraid she was treating only the symptoms, never the cause.

The cause: the drug. Angel.

Her report had convinced General Hammond to let SG-1 return to Nemesis. They had gone back through the Gate armed to the teeth, with Acantha as their guide again, in search of two things: a sample of Angel, and a Doctor who might be able to help them. Acantha had been quick to point out that Angel was an illegal drug and she couldn't help them obtain it. But there was a doctor she knew who was researching the drug. She hoped he might agree to help them, and he had access to a legal supply for his research.

Acantha's doctor friend had refused to come himself. He had, however, sent Tate, his assistant, together with some medical equipment and a small, but precious, sample of Angel. Angel, fine golden brown powder with sparkling flecks. The tiny amount they had was dangerous enough.

The equipment included a portable PET scanner, apparently capable of mapping the body right down to the cellular level. The readouts - displayed on a monitor and steadily printing out as the scanner moved - meant nothing to Daniel and, he suspected, not a whole lot more to Janet Fraiser. There was a pattern of lines and colours on the screen, different shades ... it could have meant anything.

Eventually, Tate turned off the scanner and stepped back. "You're a very lucky man, Colonel," he said. They were the first words anyone had spoken in nearly an hour.

Jack, flat on his back on a hospital bed, managed a smile. "Right now, I don't feel it." His face was grey, his voice hoarse.

"You're in a lot of pain, Colonel. But you're alive. I call that lucky." Tate pushed the scanner away from the bed and moved away. Janet Fraiser followed. So did Daniel, determined to hear what he had to say.

Tate gathered up the printout and spread it over a table. "He should be dead," he told Janet bluntly. Look at this ... " He pointed to an area of the chart. "It's unmistakable. Angel."

"Then Acantha was right," Janet commented.

"She was." Tate kept his voice low. "The human brain has chemical receptors that match the Angel molecule. What Angel does is attach itself to those receptors, and creates more of them. So the more a user takes, the more he needs."

Janet was nodding. "Classic addiction."

"Yes. But there's more. You see, an Angel trip does something to the neural pathways as well. Things get changed, re-routed. We're only just beginning to understand it ourselves. That's what you see here." He pointed to the readout again. "Look. This is the scan I just did of Colonel O'Neill. Compare that to a healthy readout ... " he spread another printout on the table, " ... And to a scan of advanced Angel addiction."

It still meant nothing to Daniel. Given time, he knew he could have learned to read it. It was, after all, just another language. But not one based on words, or social concepts, and he had no immediate frame of reference. He could see the differences in the three charts, but it might have been abstract art for all the sense it made.

Doctor Fraiser, on the other hand, leaned over the charts with interest. "Yes, you can see there's some trauma ... " she began. "By comparison, it doesn't look too bad."

Wordlessly, Tate spread out a fourth chart, covering the "healthy" example.

Janet looked, and then looked closer. She traced a part of the chart with a finger, comparing it to Jack's. Then she looked up. "This is the effect of withdrawal," she said. It wasn't a question.

Tate agreed that it was.

"So what do we do?" Janet asked him. She glanced back to Jack as she spoke.

Daniel interrupted impatiently. "Would one of you _please _explain this to me?"

"Ever played with a Rubik Cube, Doctor Jackson?" Janet asked him, irrelevantly.

Daniel frowned. "Yes."

"Imagine the cube you start with as a healthy brain. Then you play with it a while, and the colours get mixed up. That's what the Angel is doing."

O-kay," Daniel agreed slowly.

"Then, and I admit this isn't a great analogy, imagine you get frustrated with trying to solve it. What do you do?"

"Take it apart and put it back together like a jigsaw."

"Right. That's what happens in withdrawal. Except it's not being put back together. The neural pathways are being changed, but withdrawal doesn't fix them, it breaks them down completely."

"You're talking about brain damage," Daniel realised.

Janet nodded. "Before you jump to conclusions, Daniel, it may not be as serious as it sounds. But we must find a way to minimise the trauma."

As the two doctors' conversation became more technical, Daniel moved away. Jack wasn't alone: Acantha had been sitting with him the whole time, silent, but a comforting presence. Drawn back to his lover, he sat on the edge of the bed and took Jack's hand in his own. It didn't occur to him that the gesture could be seen. If it had, he wouldn't have cared. What he had just heard wiped such petty considerations from his mind.

"Am I going to live?" Jack asked him.

"Don't joke about that, Jack." Daniel wasn't at all sure it _had_ been a joke. "You're going to be fine."

"How long have you two been married?" Acantha asked suddenly.

Both men stared at her. Jack answered first. "We're not."

Daniel, gently releasing Jack's hand, told her, "Jack and I are just friends, 'Cantha. We've been through a lot together. But even if we were ... more ... two men can't be married. Not here, anyway."

Acantha met his eyes with a look that told Daniel she wasn't fooled. He should have dropped the subject there. But natural curiosity overrode common sense. "In your world, I take it same sex marriages are acceptable?"

Acantha laughed. "Are you joking? In a city like Nemesis, where almost everyone is either Fleet, or working for Fleet, it's being heterosexual that's unusual." She put on the little-girl face she did so well. "Am I too innocent to see these things, or something?"

Daniel shook his head.

Jack, getting in before Daniel could speak, said quietly, "Attitudes are a bit different in this world, kiddo."

Daniel, sobered by the reminder, added, "That's true. Particularly in the military."

Acantha clearly understood. She made a sound of disgust. "And I thought this was an advanced civilisation! That's all but medieval!"

Her impassioned statement made Daniel smile. Unconsciously, he glanced at Jack then. Seeing the glint in his lover's eye, he knew he would be getting some teasing about this once they were alone.

Acantha added, more seriously, "Don't worry, Jack. I'm trained to observe details - I'd be ashamed if I couldn't spot two people in love. But I won't tell."

Then all three fell silent as Doctor Fraiser approached them.

***

"What's the news, Doc?" Jack asked her.

Her eyes went to Daniel, then back to Jack. "We should discuss this alone, Colonel," she said.

That sounded like bad news. Jack turned to Daniel. "Do you mind, Daniel? Just a few minutes."

Daniel looked troubled, but he nodded anyway. "Sure. I'll be back in ten, okay?"

Jack nodded, watching Daniel leave with Acantha. "Bad news?" he asked.

"The scan confirms that the substance you inhaled was Angel. It's a highly addictive drug. What you've been suffering since you were brought back from Nemesis is withdrawal. According to Tate, Angel withdrawal is universally fatal."

Jack swallowed. "So I'm dying, is that what you're saying?"

Janet shook her head. "I'm saying you're in danger, Colonel. Tate thinks you should be dead already. The fact that you're not means there's a good chance you can survive this. Now you need to listen to me carefully."

"I'm listening."

"Cold-turkey withdrawal is taking too great a toll on your body. Your heart can't take it. We need to do some more tests, but Tate has suggested some things that will help. He's going to make up some medication that will help to reduce the physical toll of the withdrawal, but I'm afraid that it will also draw it out. That means the other effects might be a lot worse."

"You mean the craving?" Jack shuddered. He remembered that feeling, and didn't want to go through it again.

Janet nodded. "That, and more."

"I've been there before, Doc," Jack admitted reluctantly. "It's probably not in my file, but take my word. I can handle it if I have to." He had watched Daniel go through it, too, not long ago.

"I believe you have to, Colonel. If you go on as you are, you might live through it, but I don't think you'd ever regain your former state of health. This way the recovery will be slow. I won't lie to you, Colonel; the first few weeks are going to be hell. But your chances of a full recovery are much better."

Weeks? If he had to spend the next few weeks in the infirmary, he was going to go nuts.

Janet added, "The treatment Tate is proposing is untested, Colonel. I can't order you to accept it."

"Understood." Jack nodded. "Doc, if I agree to this, will you let me go home? I know it's risky, but I can't stay here for _weeks_."

"I really don't think that's a good idea, Colonel," she began, uncertainly, just as Daniel walked into the room again. "You live alone. If anything happened..."

"Doc, I'm going crazy in here!"

"Well...is there someone you can invite to stay with you? Someone who could take care of you?"

Daniel said quickly, "I could do that."

***

Jack let his jacket fall to the ground as the door closed. He stepped toward Daniel, his arms open. The two men embraced, truly alone for the first time in days. Daniel held his lover close, and then drew back slightly, looking into Jack's eyes.

"Let's at least get past the hallway," he suggested. "Doctor's orders said you go to bed."

Jack nodded. "That's what I had in mind." He winked.

Daniel didn't know whether to be flattered or exasperated. "God, Jack, I'd love to. But you're not up to it. C'mon." He led the way into Jack's house. Actually "doctor's orders" might just cover what Jack had in mind, Daniel remembered. It was an unusual prescription, though.

_"You're coming down from what must have been one hell of a trip," Tate had told Jack, a few hours before. "What you need is something, anything, that will cushion the comedown. What I've given you will help the worst of it, but I won't lie to you, Colonel, this is going to be unpleasant. Food and alcohol will help, but don't get drunk: believe me, combine a hangover with what you'll be going through anyway and you'll wish yourself dead." He had added, with absolutely no embarrassment, "Masturbation will probably help, too. It produces a lot of the same endorphins as Angel."_

Daniel smiled to himself, remembering that. And remembering the look on Jack's face when Tate had said all that in front of Daniel and Janet Fraiser. Priceless.

He was able to persuade Jack to rest by the simple expedient of joining him on the couch; Daniel lay full-length against the back of it, Jack in front of him, held close in Daniel's arms. They lay there together for some time, just watching the television. In truth, Jack was too tired for much else. He hadn't wanted to admit it.

Eventually Jack reached for the remote and turned the sound off, twisting slightly in Daniel's arms to look up at his lover. "Not too tough a job for you, then?" he smiled.

"What? Babysitting?" Daniel chuckled. "You make a rotten patient, Jack. But kind of a cute baby."

Jack faked a punch. Then, more seriously, "You did volunteer a bit fast though. I hope no one catches on."

Daniel shook his head. "Jack, I've been so worried about you the past few days it would have looked weird if I _hadn't_ volunteered to look after you. Besides, if I hadn't someone else would have. Do you really want Sam or Teal'c living here for a few weeks?"

Jack pulled a face that very clearly meant _no_.

"This way, we get to live together for a while, and it won't even look suspicious. Jack, look on the bright side!"

Jack reached up a hand and pulled Daniel down into a kiss. Daniel's lips parted at once and Jack sought entrance, rediscovering his lover's unique taste. It had been such a long time since they had kissed, _really _kissed, he intended to savour every moment of it. Daniel's arms around him tightened, not allowing Jack to fall, and he twisted on the couch until they lay face to face, still kissing. Jack lifted a leg and laid it along Daniel's, pushing closer and bringing their groins into contact.

Daniel felt the hot bulge of Jack's erection through his jeans and knew that, despite his resolutions, he wasn't going to be able to deny Jack again. It was just the effect this man had on him. He ran a hand lightly up Jack's spine, pleased when he felt Jack's trembling response. He began to pull up Jack's sweater, his hand seeking bare flesh. As soon as Jack realised what Daniel was up to he leaned back and removed the sweater himself. His hands moved to his belt, but there Daniel stopped him.

"Not yet," Daniel murmured, the words a promise as much as they were an admonition. His lips moved to Jack's neck, tasting the salty skin, nibbling gently at an earlobe. He shifted their positions carefully so he lay above Jack, and then began, oh-so-slowly, to work his way down Jack's body. It wasn't the most comfortable position for lovemaking, but Daniel barely noticed. He was too intent on his lover. He thrilled to the tiny moan of pleasure that escaped Jack's lips as he bit gently into the soft skin of Jack's shoulder. He left a lovers' mark there, safe in the knowledge that it would fade before anyone else had an opportunity to see it. He licked a wet path down from there toward his lover's nipples, tracing each muscle on the way. He was shocked, though he tried not to show it, by how much muscle-tone Jack had lost in just a few days.

When he took one of Jack's nipples into his mouth he heard a strangled whisper, "God, Danny!" as Jack involuntarily arched into his touch.

He couldn't resist looking up then, wickedly teasing. "Are you sure you're up to this?" he asked Jack, faking concern.

Jack grabbed Daniel's hand, guiding it to his denim-prisoned erection. "What do you think?" he said hoarsely.

Daniel grinned, rubbing gently across the bulge, then harder. "Feels pretty healthy to me," he decided. As Jack released his hold, Daniel carefully opened the zipper, leaving Jack's belt untouched. He slipped his fingers inside. "Tight fit," he commented.

"And it's all your fault," Jack accused.

"I'll just have to do something about it, then."

Jack groaned as Daniel's questing fingers found the head of his cock, stroking through the cotton of his boxers. "I was hoping you'd - oh, God! - get around to that." He moved to unfasten his own belt, sighing with relief as the pressure on his erection eased. Immediately, Daniel's hand closed around his shaft, pumping him firmly.

Jack, beyond speech now, threw his head back, surrendering to the mounting sensations, hearing his own voice moaning, incoherently, trying to form Daniel's name and not (quite) making it. There was a gathering heat in Jack's belly, spreading outward to relax his whole body, focussing sharply on his cock as Daniel's deliberate movements became faster. Then he was beyond even thought, as he strove toward orgasm, thrusting mindlessly into Daniel's hands.

The heated stream of Jack's semen splashed across them both, covering Daniel's face and his hands. He backed off a little, letting Jack recover, and when he saw Jack's eyes on him he deliberately licked his lips, tasting Jack's come. Daniel was still fully dressed, and in the confinement of his own trousers he was so aroused it was painful. Watching Jack, sprawled out on the couch like a feast for his enjoyment, Daniel wanted nothing more than to strip the pants off Jack and take him, right there on the couch. He stared at Jack, his heart racing, his desire shining out from his eyes.

Jack saw Daniel's pink tongue emerge to taste the semen dripping from his lips. He could have orgasmed again, just from the sight. Daniel had never, ever looked so sexy. Jack sat up, struggling a little. He hated being weak. He looked up at his lover through lowered lashes and beckoned.

With a small, secret smile, Daniel approached. Their lips met again; Daniel, unable, suddenly to hold back, devoured Jack's mouth voraciously. Jack let him do it, pulling Daniel closer to himself. He had some sense of what was behind Daniel's sudden, urgent need. They had come horribly close to losing each other permanently. Ignoring his own discomfort, Jack pulled Daniel on top of him, manoeuvring one knee between Daniel's legs and pushing up into his groin. Daniel moaned into Jack's mouth, thrusting against Jack's leg helplessly.

Jack, knowing exactly the effect it would have, matched Daniel's movements, holding Daniel's head in both of his hands, not allowing him to pull away from the kiss. Daniel resisted for about a second, and gave in with a groan, thrusting against Jack until he came.

***

Jack already knew he wasn't going to understand the answers, so he hadn't asked what was in the medication Doctor Fraiser prescribed. She had explained, in perhaps too much detail to be reassuring, that it was a purely experimental treatment and that she didn't know everything about it. Jack understood, however, that it was his only chance. He could feel his body weakening with each attack, and hadn't needed Doc Fraiser to tell him he was dying that way.

Even so, her alternative was risky. The Doc agreed with him that familiar surroundings would help, so when Daniel volunteered to "baby-sit" (Jack's term), she had encouraged him to go home. Daniel had been relieved, assuming this meant Jack was getting better. Even so, just the word "withdrawal" scared him. He knew from his own experience how bad that could be.

It started the first night. Jack and Daniel retired to bed early, but neither of them slept at first. Their lovemaking, urgent and quickly spent in Jack's living room earlier, had begun again, kisses fuelling a slow-burning passion in Daniel ... just the thrill of being able to hold Jack again ... He had known when Jack started to feel bad, though Jack insisted he felt fine, reminding him that Tate said what they were doing would help. And it had.

Later, they lay together in Jack's bed, both of them, finally, spent. Jack was leaning back against Daniel's chest, with Daniel's arms holding him, Daniel's hands stroking gently through the fine hairs on his chest.

"It was real, Daniel," Jack said. The first words he had spoken in ages.

Daniel frowned. "What was real?"

"On Nemesis. I know it was just the Angel, but ... "

Daniel remembered. He remembered how hesitant Janet Fraiser had been to tell them everything that had happened to Jack during his captivity.

_"There's some damage to the tissues around his anus," Janet had told them, reluctantly, "and I found traces of semen. Not his." Her tone was clinical, hiding her feelings._

_Daniel's face paled. "Are you..." he began, and stopped, choking on the words. He paused, and tried again, his voice a quavering wreck. "Are you saying he was raped?" He felt sick._

_But Janet shook her head. "Not rape, exactly. There's some bruising, but no evidence that he fought whoever did this."_

Swallowing hard, Daniel spoke softly. "What do you remember?" No one, so far as he knew, had mentioned to Jack what Janet had found.

"It was ... bad," Jack began, leaning back into Daniel's arms. "Whoever they were, they wanted something. Information. I remember some stupid son of a bitch saying I'd obviously been trained to resist their techniques ... " He tried to laugh; it came out too harsh. "Dumb bastard. If I'd had a clue what they were talking about I'd have spilled the lot right then. Instead they gave me that stuff. Angel."

"Jack," Daniel whispered, comfortingly.

"It was ... I can't describe it, Daniel. It wasn't like a trip. It was real. You were there, making love with me. Fucking me. A lot. God ... how can it have been a dream? I remember the feel of you in me. The taste of your cock in my mouth ... "

"It wasn't me, Jack," Daniel told him. The truth suddenly clear to him, he tensed, wanting to retch.

"I know." Jack sighed, heavily. "Tate's right, you know. God, I'd give anything to try that again."

Daniel went cold. "Jack, it _will_ kill you. I understand the craving. But you have _got _to fight that." Oh yes, he knew only too well what it could be like. It wasn't that long since he'd been through it himself: the effects of a Goa'uld sarcophagus. Daniel suppressed a shudder, remembering that. He would never have gotten through it without Jack. The very least he owed him was the same consideration.

"Don't have a choice, do I? I can't get that stuff on this planet anyway."

"That's not the point."

"I know," Jack said again. He lifted Daniel's hand to his lips, kissing his palm. "I'll be alright Daniel. I've been there before."

Daniel frowned, still caught up in his own memories. "Been where?"

"Drug withdrawal." Jack waited for Daniel to ask. He didn't. So Jack went on, "It was about eight years ago. I can't tell you about it - classified mission and all that. But I do know what this is going to be like."

Daniel bent his head to kiss Jack's temple. "Jack ... there's something else you should know," he began nervously, suddenly understanding how Janet had felt.

He took a deep breath and began to tell Jack everything.

***

In the early hours of the morning Daniel woke to find himself alone in bed. He sat up, calling out for Jack. He heard no response. Worried, he got up, pulling a bathrobe around himself. He found the bathroom door locked and could see the light in the crack beneath the door. He knocked, not too loudly.

"Jack? Jack, are you alright?" There was no reply, no sound at all from the other side of the door. "Jack!" he called again, louder now. "Jack, answer me!" Images of Jack in the infirmary, Jack in pain, Jack almost dying when his heartbeat destabilised filled Daniel with panic. He pushed at the door, but as he had already discovered, it was locked. "Jack!" he called again. When all he heard was more silence he tried to ram the door open. Pain shot through his shoulder and he cried out involuntarily. Determined to get to Jack, he tried again ... and fell awkwardly to the ground as the door opened just before he hit it.

Picking himself up off the tiled floor, Daniel at first only registered that Jack was conscious and on his feet. "Jack, why didn't you answer me?" It was as he asked the question that he got a good look at his lover.

Jack did not look good. It was his eyes Daniel noticed first, bloodshot and puffy as if he'd been crying. But this was _Jack_: he didn't cry. Ever. His face was pale, the skin clammy with sweat. He was naked, and the room smelled of soap. The floor was wet.

"Jack, for crying out loud! Why didn't you wake me?" Weird, Daniel thought irrelevantly, how he'd picked up that expression from Jack. Jack was silent, looking at Daniel, nothing more. "Jack? Jack, c'mon. Talk to me. You're scaring me, here."

He reached out to touch him and Jack broke, literally crumpled as he fell into Daniel's arms. Daniel held him tightly for a few moments, and then Jack pulled away.

"Back to bed," Daniel told him firmly. He had to lead Jack by the hand back to the bedroom. Jack followed his lead complaisantly, but he didn't seem really with it. When he'd got Jack sitting on their bed, he asked gently, "Where does it hurt, love?"

Jack answered, "Everywhere," and his voice was just a whisper. Then, as Daniel tried to hug him, he snapped, "Don't!"

Daniel backed off, confused. "What's wrong? I only want to help."

Jack looked at Daniel, finally, his own dark eyes full of pain. "How can you do it? How can you stand to touch me when you know ... " He looked away, the sentence ending there.

Daniel understood. He felt an explosion of pain in his own heart as he realised what Jack was thinking. Afraid, now, to try to touch him, he could only say, "Jack, it wasn't your fault ... "

"But I _let_ him - oh, God, or _them_ ... " Jack's voice trailed off as the full realisation hit him. He had been so high on Angel he hadn't even known what was happening to his body. Anyone could have had him. God, this couldn't be ...

Daniel couldn't just sit there and watch Jack suffer. Before he was aware that he had moved, he was holding Jack, pulling the older man's body against him, stroking his back, his hair, trying to comfort. "Jack, it's alright. I'm here." But Jack was tense under his hands, and Daniel released him. He looked directly at his lover, reaching within for the truth. "I won't lie and say it doesn't matter," he said eventually. "It matters, Jack. I don't know how to deal with all this. This anger inside. But I'm not angry with you, Jack. I hate what those people did to you. It wasn't your fault. You didn't know what was happening, and even if you had, you were too weak to fight."

Jack relaxed, finally allowing Daniel to hold him. "Danny ... ah, God, Danny, this hurts." He doubled over in pain, as if admitting the emotional torment had opened the door to the physical. Daniel, having some idea what Jack was feeling, just held him, offering what comfort he could.

***

That was one of Jack's better nights.

It came in waves. Sometimes, especially during the day, Jack seemed fine. He would kid around with Daniel, or watch television, or tend his garden for a while, leading something like a normal life. He got tired easily, though, and found his own weakness frustrating. Then, with very little warning, the pain would be back.

Daniel knew Jack would be dealing with more than just physical pain. The craving for the drug would in many ways be worse than the pain. The memory of the experience, of how incredibly good it felt, became something to cling to, a promise of pleasure when the body was in agony. But that way lay madness, or even death. As the days went on, Daniel became aware that there was something of that experience for Jack in their lovemaking. That was the hallucination Angel had produced for him. The thought, when it first occurred to him, was repulsive. But there was no denying that sex did seem to help Jack. Daniel forced aside his misgivings and did whatever Jack needed.

The nights were bad. Night was when Jack fought most, and if the withdrawal was beaten back for a short while, the emotional fallout took its place. Jack wouldn't speak of it, or, not much. When he woke from nightmares he spoke of being trapped, or of falling. Once he dreamed of being raped. Daniel held him while the nightmare images faded, and most nights Jack would start to kiss him, seeking to escape whatever he was frightened of in that way. Daniel, because he didn't know what else to do, allowed Jack to do it, allowed himself to be used. Truthfully, it wasn't exactly a struggle to respond to Jack's needs. Daniel loved him. And if Jack could be a little rough at those times, he had never yet caused Daniel pain.

Daniel knew it was unwise to keep all this to himself. It became clear after a few days that Jack needed more help than Daniel could give him, alone. But how could he possibly share what was happening? How could he speak of Jack's nightmares without admitting that they shared a bed? How could he tell someone how Jack was using sex, without revealing that he was Jack's lover?

Daniel put the changes in Jack down to his illness, at first. He knew how much Jack hated being ill. He wasn't happy with being out of the loop at the SGC, either. Under strict doctor's orders, he wasn't allowed into work. Doctor Fraiser called on him at home, each day, to check on his progress and administer his meds. The treatment did seem to be helping. Janet administered it by injection each time she visited; Jack, his sense of humour returning, had commented that he thought more drugs were the last thing he needed.

Daniel worked from home - Jack's home - as much as he could: it was easy to bring books and suchlike back with him. Officially, both of them were on leave of absence, Jack because of his illness and Daniel so he could care for Jack properly. But his work at the SGC was important, too important to just drop it, and sometimes he needed the resources of the SGC. SG-1 was on stand-down for the time being, Sam and Teal'c assigned temporarily to other teams. Dropping by the base gave Daniel the chance to catch up with them, too. He always gave Jack the latest news when he got home and both Sam and Teal'c had dropped by, too, but it wasn't the same at all. Jack was sick of it, and it showed: he was getting irritable, downright cantankerous at times.

Their lovemaking changed, too. The first few days after Doctor Fraiser released Jack from the infirmary had been characterised by slow, tender exchanges of passion; Jack was still too weak for full, penetrative sex to be an option, so they made the best of what they _could_ do. They progressed, probably too quickly, to full sex when Jack had asked for it. Jack, who was desperate to wipe away the false-yet-real memories of his experience on Nemesis. Daniel had taken it very slowly, very carefully, and it was good. A homecoming, and a kind of healing for both of them. After, they had lain in each other's arms all night, not sleeping, not speaking, with slow caresses and occasional kisses arousing them both again. But Jack had been too tired for more and Daniel, sensitive to his lover's fragile condition (thinking of Jack that way was profoundly discomfiting) had not pushed the issue. That night had been beautiful.

After that night, Daniel began to notice the changes more and more.

Jack was getting more and more irritable during the day; he hated seeing Daniel leave for work without him. It wasn't just the withdrawal. Daniel was there for him as much as possible, holding him when the pain was bad, in better moments helping to distract him with gossip, or anything that would fill the spaces of time. But it had been getting harder. The times when Jack was just beyond any help were getting longer and more frequent. Times when Jack lay, racked by pain and soaked by sweat, when Daniel didn't dare even to touch him, because Jack wasn't truly aware he was there and could easily strike out; when Daniel could do nothing at all except watch the man he loved ride out the pain, and pray to gods he didn't believe in that it would be over soon.

At night hey made love, and eventually fell asleep together. One night Daniel awakened in the dark, to find himself aroused and Jack caressing him. Still half-asleep, he had murmured a greeting. Jack's mouth was moving lower and lower, and Daniel began to anticipate what was next. He loved it when Jack went down on him.

Without warning, Jack flipped Daniel over onto his stomach and was inside him in one, quick stroke. Daniel cried out, more in surprise than in pain. Jack was thrusting strongly into him, gripping Daniel's shoulders as he moved. As Daniel felt his own pleasure building he gave it voice, urging Jack on, begging him for more ... and Jack came inside him, thrusting hard and deep. Then he had withdrawn and rolled over without a word, leaving Daniel confused and with an unsatisfied hard-on.

Daniel hadn't minded ... well, he _had_ but not enough to get angry or anything like that. He was used to letting Jack take the lead in bed, and Jack hadn't hurt him. That time.

***

The next morning, Daniel was called onto the base. Reluctant to leave Jack, he nonetheless obeyed the order, driving out to Cheyenne Mountain as quickly as he could. He discovered a crisis going on that needed a translation of a Goa'uld tablet, and wondered why they hadn't asked Teal'c. The translation was easy and finished in a few hours. Daniel headed home. When he reached the house he found Jack in the kitchen, unpacking a bag full of groceries.

"I thought I'd make dinner," was all the explanation Jack offered.

"Jack, you're supposed to be resting," Daniel chided, but he was happy to see Jack apparently fit and well.

Jack shook his head firmly. "Resting? Daniel, I feel like I've spent the last week in bed." He left the shopping and reached for Daniel's hands, pulling his body close. "Not that I usually have a problem with that," he added, one hand rubbing Daniel's lower back.

Daniel relaxed, smiling up at his lover. "Well, let me help you."

"No!" Jack protested at once. You've been waiting on me hand and foot for days. So ... " he kissed Daniel lightly on his lips, " ... go translate something and let me pamper you for a change. I'll call you if I need help, I promise."

_Let me pamper you_, Jack had said. Daniel didn't need to be told it was an apology, nor did he need to tell Jack he understood. Not with words. He had brought some work home with him, so he relaxed on the couch, working, and once he started looking at the problem he got caught up in it. He didn't even consciously notice the smell of cooking.

When Jack called him, Daniel put the books aside reluctantly, feeling as if he had only been at it for a few minutes. Then he saw what Jack had done and realised it must have been much longer.

The table was laid with a white cloth and candles. There was a bottle of wine, chilled and standing open, with crystal glasses set out. A basket of bread rolls, a bowl of pasta and another of salad: Jack had gone to a lot of trouble. For a few moments, Daniel just stared at it all, impressed. The live violinist was missing. Otherwise this could be a scene out of a movie.

"Well, sit down then," Jack told him. He pulled out a chair for Daniel.

Bemused, Daniel sat down. "What brought all this on?" he asked. Translation: _I forgive you, Jack_. He wondered if Jack would tell him the truth.

"Like it?"

"Love it," Daniel said sincerely. "But, why?"

Jack began to pour the wine. "Well, I was thinking about you this morning and I realised. We've never dated."

The laugh escaped Daniel before he could stop it. "Dated?"

"Yeah. We just jumped straight into bed, if you remember."

"I do," Daniel answered quietly. Actually, that second time, they hadn't made it as far as the bedroom until after. But that sort of courtship was characteristic of the world Daniel knew, and he hadn't really thought about it. Of course it was different for Jack.

"Anyway, I thought it was about time," Jack concluded, his gesture encompassing everything.

Their eyes met across the candlelit table and Daniel felt his heart melt, again, with love for this man. "It's wonderful," he said quietly. "I do enjoy a well-planned seduction."

That earned him a laugh, and they began to eat. It hadn't lasted.

Over the leisurely meal they talked about past missions and future plans, for all the world as if they were both healthy and whole, as if all was right with the world. When the meal had been demolished, they stayed there, drinking the rest of the wine, talking. Jack reached across the table for Daniel's hand and brought it to his lips, sucking one of Daniel's fingers into his mouth. Daniel gasped, the conversation forgotten instantly.

"Time for desert?" Jack asked.

Daniel, not needing to be told Jack wasn't referring to food, smiled and stood up, letting that be his answer.

Jack pushed his chair back, started to get up and staggered, his face blanching suddenly.

"Jack?"

"Just ... a little too much wine," Jack lied. Daniel knew he was lying and had just reached his side when Jack choked on a second wave of nausea and bolted for the bathroom. Daniel followed more slowly, hearing the sound of Jack retching. Pale, and somewhat unsteady on his feet, Jack eventually appeared in the bathroom doorway. Daniel hugged him, and they headed into the bedroom together. There would be no loving that night.

***

If he was going to keep up with his work, Daniel couldn't, no matter how hard he tried, stay at home all day. Even if he could have, it would have been stifling. No matter how much he loved Jack, he loved his work, too. He'd put it off as long as he could, afraid of leaving Jack alone. Two days after their "first date", as Jack called it, Daniel found reached an impasse in the work he had been doing at home. He simply couldn't go any further without the resources of the SGC.

He was gone three hours at most, finished the report, and then called Jack from the base to let him know he was on his way home. There was no answer. Worried, Daniel redialled. Again, there was no answer, not even the machine. He hurried home.

When he reached Jack's house, Daniel found the place a mess, so much so that at first he thought they must have been burgled. Cupboards stood open, their contents all over the floor. Drawers had been removed from the runners and overturned. Adrenaline flooded Daniel's veins and he rushed into the house, shouting Jack's name frantically. Instinctively heading for the bedroom, he pushed the door open slowly, his heart thudding against his ribs.

He found Jack there. Jack, sitting cross-legged on the rug, rummaging through a box usually kept in the closet. The closet itself was open, like every other cupboard in the house, its contents scattered everywhere.

Daniel didn't know whether to be relieved or worried. "Jack? What's going on?" he asked, perhaps speaking a little too loudly. "Have you lost something?"

Jack didn't look up. "I can't find my gun," he answered, pulling a handful of stuff out of the box and continuing his search.

Daniel went cold. Stepping carefully over the clothes on the floor, he moved to kneel beside Jack. "Why would you want a gun?" he asked carefully. He felt as if he was poised on the edge of a cliff: one wrong step and he would fall.

Jack looked up, seeing Daniel there for the first time. His eyes were wild. "Does it matter?" he demanded. "I _need_ it!" He pulled a book out of the box and threw it across the room in frustration.

Daniel flinched. He rested a hand gently on Jack's arm, trying to calm his own turbulent thoughts. The implications of Jack wanting a weapon at all seemed worse than the deeper things going on here.

Jack shook Daniel's hand away. "Where is it?" he snapped. "I've looked _everywhere_!"

"Jack," Daniel spoke as softly as he could. "You don't keep a gun at home. You haven't for as long as I've known you."

Jack stood, angrily kicking the box over. "Of course I own a gun! I'm an Air Force Colonel!" He looked around the room, not even seeming to notice Daniel.

Daniel got to his feet slowly. He had never seen Jack like this, so agitated. He was actually afraid of him. He held out both of his hands, a gesture of surrender. He kept his voice soft, hoping Jack wouldn't decide he was being patronising and get offended. "Jack, please try to hear me. You don't keep a gun in this house. Can you remember why?" He heard the tremor in his own voice and shut up before Jack could hear it, too.

Jack stared at Daniel, then looked down at his own hands. He seemed to calm instantly. He whispered, "Because ... " but got no further. A frown creased his forehead and he sank to the ground, kneeling amidst the debris. He looked up at Daniel, his eyes wide and stricken. "I remember," he said quietly. "Shit. Danny, what's happening to me?"

Daniel couldn't answer. He cleared a space and sat down with Jack, pulling the older man into his arms. Just holding him, not sure, yet, what Jack needed. After a while, Jack sought his mouth and they kissed.

Daniel broke the kiss first, pulling away. "Tell me what happened, Jack. Why in hell were you so determined to find a gun?"

"I don't know," Jack answered, murmuring the words against Daniel's cheek. He looked around the room in disgust. "For crying out loud! Look at this place!"

Daniel wouldn't be distracted. "You must remember something, Jack," he insisted. He stood and helped Jack up. They moved over to the bed together, picking their way through the mess. "You've turned the whole house upside down," Daniel pointed out as they sat down on the bed. "Something must have spooked you. What was it?"

"_Spooked_ me?" Jack asked, mock offended.

"Would you prefer ‘scared you shitless'?" Daniel asked him archly.

"That'd be closer," Jack admitted. "But I really don't remember, Daniel. I ... I fell asleep on the couch. Must have had a nightmare." He punched the mattress beside him, suddenly angry. "God! I can't stand this crap!"

Daniel stroked across Jack's shoulders with both hands, then back toward his neck, kneading into the tense muscles with his fingers. "Want to talk?" he asked, knowing even as he made the offer that Jack wouldn't. He never did.

"About what? The fact that I'm losing my mind?"

"You're not," Daniel told him firmly. He shifted around to get a better angle and went on massaging Jack's shoulders. Then he decided he might as well do this properly and bent to remove Jack's T-shirt.

Jack let him do it, and then he reached out for Daniel. He cupped his young lover's face in both hands, tracing the sensual lips with his thumb. Daniel sighed, leaning into Jack's touch.

"Space Monkey," Jack said softly.

Such a dumb nickname ... why did the sound of it always make Daniel melt so? He swayed toward Jack, drawn like a moth to candlelight by the love and tenderness in Jack's eyes. It was so rare for Jack to let his deepest feelings show.

But Jack drew away from him. "We should probably clean the place up," he said regretfully.

"Later," Daniel insisted.

It was the last coherent thing either of them said for a long time.

While Jack was in the shower, Daniel called Sam, thinking that some company might help Jack's moods. She and Teal'c turned up on the doorstep an hour later, bearing a case of beer bottles and a giant pizza-with-everything. Jack and Daniel had been clearing up the house, and hadn't eaten yet. Sam, making no mention of Daniel's phone call, instantly offered to help, commenting dryly (and unfairly) on the inevitable results of two men sharing a house without a woman to tidy up after them.

Jack threw a mock-punch her way and accepted the bottle of beer she offered. He held the bottle up to the light, examining it closely before taking a sip. "Nineteen ninety eight. A good year."

Sam just laughed.

Later in the evening, the house was in much better shape and the four of them sat around Jack's living room, the remains of the pizza in the centre of the room, surrounded by empty bottles. Conversation had turned naturally to work, and as Sam and Daniel got caught up in heated debate about some minor point, Jack vanished into the garden with Teal'c in tow, leaving the two of them alone.

"How are you bearing up, Daniel?" Sam asked, as soon as Jack was out of earshot.

Daniel gazed out of the window, his eyes on Jack. "Okay ... things are fine."

"You sure? You didn't sound fine when you called me."

"I'm worried," Daniel admitted, "but there's not much I can do. We've just got to ride this thing out. It's just ... I'm scared to leave him alone, Sam. But I can't be here all the time. I have to work ... " His frustration showed.

Sam moved to sit beside Daniel on the couch. "You _can _ask for help, you know. Look, I'm not working tomorrow. Want me to spend the day with the Colonel? You can go into work without worrying so much."

"I can't ask you to ... "

"I'm offering."

Daniel smiled. "Then, thanks. That would be great."

Their plan had worked well - for one day. Daniel _did_ go into work, and he was able to concentrate on getting the job done, no distractions or worries. He trusted Sam. Spending the whole day at work brought home to Daniel how much he had needed to get away. He was under more stress than he had realised. He looked for Teal'c, hoping to share some thoughts, but Teal'c was off world with SG-3 that day. Eventually Daniel headed home, a bit earlier than he had planned.

He found Sam and Jack in the kitchen. Sam was bandaging Jack's hand, and when Jack turned to greet him Daniel saw his white T-shirt was splattered with blood.

"Hey, Daniel," Jack said casually.

"What happened?" Daniel demanded.

Jack rolled his eyes. "It's just a cut, Daniel. Not life threatening."

But the memory of yesterday, of Jack's frantic search for a weapon, was still fresh in Daniel's mind. Jack's words didn't reassure him. "What. Happened?" he repeated insistently, looking at Sam.

"My car wouldn't start," she explained. "He," - a nod in Jack's direction - "insisted on being manly. He cut his hand on something in the garage."

Jack flexed his hand as Sam released him. "Nice job," he commented to Sam. "I told you, didn't I? He's just like a mother hen."

Daniel tried to relax: everything _seemed_ normal. "Well," he said, "you'd better get that shirt into the laundry. Need a hand?"

"I'll manage," Jack nodded. He headed for the bedroom.

Sam looked at Daniel, concerned. "You look like you haven't slept for a week," she said.

Daniel ran his hands through his already-tangled hair. "Jack's a restless sleeper," he sighed. "Just lately, anyway."

"You haven't told him I know about you two, have you?" Sam said. It didn't sound like a question. "Want me to make a discreet exit?" Daniel was about to decline, not wanting her to feel unwelcome, when she added, "I do have some things to do, Daniel. I'll stay if you think I can help, but ... " Her expression changed suddenly to one of annoyance. "_And_ I've still got to fix that damned car!" she realised.

Daniel managed a brief laugh. "Okay. Call if you need help, but I warn you, I'm not much of a mechanic. And, Sam. Thanks for today."

"Anytime."

He walked Sam to the door, and then followed Jack into the bedroom. Jack had stripped off his shirt and pants and was looking in the closet for something else to wear. Normally, finding Jack almost naked was a situation Daniel would have exploited shamelessly, but this time sex was the furthest thing from his mind.

"What's going on, Jack?" he asked.

"I had an accident." Jack pulled out a pair of track-pants and a sweater.

"No. That's not the full story. I know you, Jack, and you're not that clumsy." More softly, Daniel asked him, "Was it another attack?"

"No." Jack sat on the edge of the bed to put the trousers on.

Daniel took his hand, examining the bandage and passing his hand lightly over the wound. "Talk to me, love."

Jack gently extracted his hand from Daniel's grip. "I'm okay, Danny." Daniel gave him a sceptical look. Jack went on, "I mean, I'm okay _now_. But this ... I hate it! I feel so out of control. One minute I'm fine, and the next ... "

"I know."

"You _don't_ know. I find myself reaching out for something ... anything I can hold ... "

"And that's how you cut yourself?" Daniel was confused.

"No." Jack shook his head and sighed heavily. He got up and, still without his pants, walked over to the window. "I've been to hell before, Daniel. I could handle it, back then. I thought I could handle this, too, but I can't." He rested his forehead against the window pane, his breath steaming up the glass. "I'm losing myself, Danny. A little piece at a time. Like ... I don't _know_!!"

Daniel took Jack's arm, making him turn away from the window. He lifted Jack's bandaged hand again. "You did this intentionally," he realised. "This," he stroked Jack's palm gently through the fabric, "you could control. This is real. There's so much going on in your head; nightmares that crush you with fear, craving for a trip you know will kill you, and you're scared, and alone because you won't _let_ yourself talk to me, won't allow yourself to need me. Except for sex. And this _is_ going to kill you, Jack." Daniel felt tears fill his eyes and overflow. He was powerless to stop them. "I don't think I can live through this again, Jack."

Jack pulled him close, hugging Daniel tightly against him. "Danny, it's okay. I'll be alright."

Daniel looked at him, tears still standing in his eyes. "Promise me that," he begged.

"I promise. We'll get through this."

Daniel's hand slid up Jack's spine, sending pleasurable shivers throughout his body. Jack kissed him and held him close for a moment, then seemed to realise where they were: in full view of the window. He pulled away and started to close the curtains.

"Control!" Daniel exclaimed suddenly. "Maybe that's it, Jack."

Jack turned back to his lover, frowning. "You're about six steps ahead of me, Danny-boy."

Jack knew he hated being called that. Daniel threw him an exasperated look. "It's not just the pain, is it, Jack? You'd be able to deal with that. It's everything that goes with it you can't deal with."

"That's about right," Jack confessed, wondering where Daniel was going with this.

"So maybe what we need to do is keep your mind occupied."

Jack grinned suddenly. "You don't think watching gameshows and info-mercials keeps my mind sharp?"

Daniel didn't really need to answer that. "How about I teach you to play chess?"

Jack's eyes narrowed. "_Teach_ me?" He sounded offended. "What makes you think I don't know how to play?"

Daniel knew he did: he had found a well-used board when they had been tidying up. "Got a board?" he asked slyly.

Jack affected a lecturing tone. "Chess, my young friend, is all about battles and strategies. I _do_ have a board, and if you give me a chance to put my pants on first, I am going to whip your civilian ass." He patted the body-part in question and marched out of the room, his pants still in his hand.

Daniel followed him, smiling.


	2. Chapter 2

#### A week later

When Daniel walked out, he had no idea where he was going. He was halfway down the street before he realised that. He searched through his pockets quickly and, to his utmost relief, discovered his keys and his wallet both in the jacket he wore. Daniel fingered the key ring absently as he walked. It was silly: a piece of blue plastic bearing the legend "I only _look_ sweet and innocent". Jack had given it to him about a week after the foiled Goa'uld invasion. Daniel treasured it.

On the main road, he hailed a cab, praying that the cash in his wallet would be enough to get him to his apartment. It was - just. He headed inside without waiting for change. It took him three attempts to open his front door because his hands were shaking so badly. Once inside, Daniel bolted the door behind him and sank to the ground, leaning weakly back against the door. Finally, he could give in to the shock and pain; he brought his knees up and rested his arms across them, laid his head on his forearms and wept.

How had this happened? That was a dumb question, really. When he had calmed down enough to think straight, Daniel would realise this had been coming for some time. Right in that moment, though, as he sat there shaking in his hallway, knowing that wasn't helping at all. Eventually, Daniel staggered weakly to his feet. He double-checked that the door was locked and bolted. Then he headed into the bathroom to take a long, long shower.

The phone started ringing as he entered the bathroom. Daniel ignored it. He stripped off his torn shirt with hands that wouldn't stop shaking. Wincing at the pain in his shoulder he let the shirt fall to the ground. He turned, looking at the shoulder in the mirror. A dark purple bruise was clearly visible but the skin didn't seem to be broken. Thank heaven for small mercies.

His muscles were stiffening up. Moving slowly he unzipped his pants and finished undressing. He saw blood on his underpants and swallowed, hard. There seemed to be a lot of it. Naked, he stepped into the shower and turned the water on, hot.

The pain wasn't too bad now. His bruised skin was tender as he scrubbed himself clean, washing away not sweat or grime, but the experience. It was a long time before he emerged from the shower. Heading into the bedroom, Daniel towel-dried his hair, and ran a comb through it quickly. Then he sat down on the edge of his bed, shivering as a cool breeze brushed his wet skin.

There was an open packet of condoms on the nightstand. Daniel remembered Jack leaving it there, a few days before. They had just called in to Daniel's apartment to pick up a couple of books. Jack had commented that the place didn't feel lived-in any more: he was right; Daniel hadn't been home in a while. A few kisses had led to more, and before long their quick trip to pick up some things had become an afternoon of passion. Passion, which was frustrated when it turned out there, wasn't a rubber anywhere in the apartment.

Jack, swearing very sincerely, had ordered Daniel to stay exactly where he was, while he dressed quickly and went out to the store. After their lovemaking, Jack had left the box prominently beside the bed, joking that coitus interruptus wasn't his thing at all: "Sometimes I just can't wait, y'know, Danny?" Daniel had simply laughed and agreed.

Jack. Oh, God, what was happening to them?

Everything had been fine a few hours before.

They had gone out for a bar-meal and drink, early in the evening. Jack had drunk a little more than his usual, but Daniel hadn't thought it odd. He knew Jack was still hurting. If alcohol helped, he wasn't about to stop Jack from drinking. All in all, it had been a good evening. There was a live band at the bar and they'd stayed for a couple of hours, listening to the music and enjoying the atmosphere.

They headed home early, at about nine. Daniel was driving. He had parked the car in the garage and walked around to the front door. He was barely even through the door when Jack grabbed him, shoving him up against the wall and kissing him roughly. Daniel, struggling against Jack's strength, managed to kick the door closed, giving them some privacy. At first surprised by the unexpected assault, Daniel couldn't help responding to Jack's urgency. Jack's hands were at his belt, and too-eagerly at the fastenings of his jeans. Daniel wrenched his mouth away from Jack's, trying to push him away.

"Jack, slow down. It'll still be there in ten minutes." He tried to make it a joke.

Jack didn't answer. He fumbled at the buttons of Daniel's shirt, and then tore it open with a sound of frustration. The fabric tore and buttons flew everywhere.

"Jack, that's enough!" Daniel pushed Jack away more firmly. Jack's mouth captured Daniel's again, his tongue plundering Daniel's throat. As he drew away his teeth closed over Daniel's bottom lip, drawing blood.

"Ow! Jack!" Daniel protested.

"Shut up," Jack growled. His hand dipped inside Daniel's jeans, finding him hard. "You like it," Jack said triumphantly. "You want it rough."

"No, I _don't_!" Daniel shoved Jack away with all his strength. He was panicking, now, and tried to run, not even sure where he was going. He tripped over his own briefcase and fell headlong. His shoulder slammed into the wall as he fell and he cried out in pain.

Jack was on top of him before he could get his breath back, tearing at Daniel's clothing.

Daniel could have fought him. He and Jack were a fairly even match, strength for strength, and Daniel knew enough about how to fight to flatten Jack if he had to. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. He wouldn't be able to win without hurting Jack. Seconds later he regretted the noble resolution.

Jack crammed his cock into Daniel's unprepared anus. Daniel screamed. There was no rubber, no lube to ease the way. His insides were on fire. Jack didn't seem to notice. Daniel tried, even then, to get away but it was too late. The weight of Jack's body held him down. The abrasive wool of the carpet rubbed harshly against Daniel's exposed flesh. He bit his lip to keep from crying out as Jack thrust inside him.

Pain forced a sob from him and there were words screaming through his mind: _No no please God Jack you're hurting me please stop don't oh God no no no ..._Daniel would never know if he managed to speak the words aloud.

He felt Jack's hands tearing at his clothing, felt Jack's lips and hot breath against the now-bare flesh of his shoulder. At first it was almost a kiss. Then there was only more pain as Jack's teeth tore into the skin, drawing blood. Seconds later Daniel felt the heated gush of Jack's seed filling him.

***

The memory made Daniel shudder. The phone was ringing again. Again, Daniel let it ring. He walked back into the bathroom and picked up the clothes he had been wearing. They went straight into the kitchen trash: torn and bloody shirt, jeans, belt. The lot. Then he returned to his bedroom to dress.

Black Levi's, tight around his ass and thighs, looser at the calves. A heavy-buckled leather belt. A white shirt, loose fitting and left unbuttoned at the top. Black, chunky shoes. He reached for his leather flying jacket and as he did so, caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. His choice of clothing hadn't been conscious, but seeing himself brought it home. With his still-damp hair slicked back, he looked like he was going out on the town. He hesitated. The phone stopped ringing. Daniel put on the jacket, completing the look, and headed out of the apartment.

He actually drove to the bar. A bit out of the way, this place, and not somewhere he frequented. Since his return from Abydos he had come here only three times. Two of those had been after the incident with Hathor, when he'd badly needed something to distract him from the humiliation and guilt he felt over allowing Hathor to use him.

Daniel pulled up in the parking lot and sat there for a while, watching. There was a small crowd of men gathered outside. Two of them were kissing passionately. A third caught sight of Daniel and smiled an invitation.

The music was very loud. Daniel could clearly hear it from where he was; inside it must be deafening.

_Tie me to the length of a rope  
I won't look down  
Burst my lungs in time to your drums  
And bleed me into the sound_

Daniel turned the keys in the ignition and drove away.

***

He ended up on the base. No one questioned his being there so late; it hadn't been unusual, in the first few months after he returned from Abydos, for Daniel to work through the night, simply because he preferred that to sleeping alone. He had all the necessary access and clearances.

There was an ongoing project he had been working on in spare moments for months now: putting what they had learned of the Goa'uld together with what he knew of history and mythology, in an attempt to come up with a "true" picture of the past. It was slow work ... like any historical research, each question Daniel answered threw up three more. It took a while for him to find the concentration he needed to work, but eventually the quest, which had always been his first passion, took over and he thought of nothing else.

Around midnight, he finally took a break. He made coffee and sat down to relax for a while. A glint of metal half-buried under the papers on his desk caught his eye. He leaned forward to pick it up: it was the "book" Acantha had given him the last time he saw her.

"You kept saying you wanted to learn about my culture," she had told him, explaining the gift. "I can't think of a better way than this. It's an encyclopaedia. All our history." She laughed suddenly and added, "Translating it will keep you occupied for all of an hour, I'm sure."

Her written language was very close to what Daniel knew as Doric Greek; translation wasn't a problem. Daniel could read the original as easily as he could read English. He had thanked her, touched by the thoughtfulness of the gift.

The last thing she had said to him before journeying home was, "Don't let your technology scavengers get to the book before you've read it." ... Acantha, as Daniel had already realised, saw everything.

He scrolled through the pages, not really reading. It didn't look much different from something Earth's technology could produce: a flat screen that could have been liquid crystal, a few control buttons and a touch-sensitive keypad. The layout of the information, too, was very similar to what he was used to: a searchable database, alphabetical entries and keywords linked to more information. But the information itself would take a long time to absorb.

Acantha had turned out to be a good friend. She had helped to pave the way for contact between her government and theirs; that aspect would now be turned over to SG-9, but there was no doubt that some sort of alliance could be made. She had saved Jack's life, finding a doctor who could help him. Daniel felt they had some things in common, too; he regretted that he wouldn't get the chance to know her better. He remembered how understanding she had been about him and Jack ... later, in private, Daniel had asked her if there was anyone in her life.

"You mean a lover?" she asked, and he nodded, half-afraid she would consider the question too personal. But Acantha merely shook her head. "Look at me, Daniel. Do you honestly think I'd be interested in the kind of man who would find me attractive?"

The question floored him. Daniel had stopped thinking of her as a child days before. He barely noticed her appearance. When she said that, he forced himself to look. She was a woman in a child's body: he had to admit she had a point. Something in his expression must have given him away. She had reached for his hand, saying, "Don't look like that. I don't miss it. Really."

Absorbed in his thoughts, Daniel didn't even notice the figure in his doorway until he heard his name.

"Daniel Jackson."

The voice startled him and he looked up. Teal'c stood in the doorway.

"You are not usually here so late, Daniel Jackson." Teal'c stepped further into the room; the door swung closed behind him.

Daniel shrugged. "I guess I got tired of baseball." The lie rose too-easily to his lips. He gestured to a chair and watched Teal'c sit down.

"Baseball?" Teal ' c questioned.

Daniel started to explain. "It's a game, Teal'c. A sport." He was about to continue, when he realised that Teal'c knew all this. He might not have an interest in sports, but Jack had made sure Teal'c was familiar with what he called a great American institution. Daniel leaned back in his chair, smiling. "Do you do that a lot?"

"Do what?"

"Pretend you don't know what we're talking about."

Teal'c nodded gravely. "It helps to start a conversation, does it not? I have noticed that many of you enjoy ‘educating' me."

Daniel looked down, embarrassed. That made him feel so damned patronising.

Teal'c added, "O'Neill in particular ... what is wrong?"

The sound of Jack's name had hit Daniel like a punch in the gut. God, what was happening to him? He'd even been _thinking _of Jack, seconds before. Why should hearing his name make such a difference? He stared at Teal'c, dumbly, barely able to breathe, trying to make sense of the question, of the world.

Teal'c left his chair and moved around the desk to stand closer to Daniel. "What is wrong?" he asked again. His tone was soft, something Daniel couldn't remember hearing from him before.

Daniel hesitated. If he answered Teal'c's question it would only lead to more. But he was tired, suddenly, tired and hurting in so many ways ... He sighed heavily. "Do you know what the word ‘gay' means, Teal'c?" he asked.

Teal'c thought about it. "Gay," he repeated. "Happy, joyful, frivolous. Correct?"

"No." Daniel shook his head, and then corrected himself. "I mean, yes, that is correct. But ‘gay ' has another meaning in our society ... " Stumbling over the words, at first, Daniel began to tell Teal'c about his life.

***

The clock on the wall read 0234. The desk was cluttered with empty coffee mugs. Daniel drained the last dregs of his now-cold coffee, placed the mug with the others on his desk, and leaned back, closing his eyes. He couldn't believe how long he ' d been talking.

He had told Teal'c everything. Jack's nightmares and crazy mood swings. His fears. Jack's attack on him. Everything. Daniel's hands were shaking, when he finally fell silent, and he knew his cheeks were wet, though he couldn't remember crying.

Teal'c's expression, as always, gave nothing away. "You should have spoken of this before, Daniel Jackson."

Daniel shook his head. "Don't you get it? I can't tell anyone. Jack's career ... "

"Is _not_ more important than your life and sanity, "Teal'c interrupted harshly. More gently he added, "You should not carry this alone, Daniel."

What little fight there was went out of him. "Who could I tell?" Daniel asked, slumping into his chair.

"Me," the dour Jaffa told him bluntly.

Daniel blinked, feeling tears sting his eyes. Teal'c was right, of course. He had been trying to keep Jack's problems to himself, when there were friends he could have confided in. Not just Teal'c. Sam, too, knew, and would keep their secret.

"We will speak with the doctor in the morning," Teal'c decided.

"No! Teal'c ... "

"I believe she will respect your secret. Even if she will not, she must be told O'Neill is not recovering as he should."

In the face of such blunt common sense, Daniel had no argument to offer. But the idea of confessing all to Janet was frightening. He pulled off his glasses and covered his face with his hands. God, he was so tired. But at the same time, he was too on-edge to consider sleep. Too much caffeine, most likely. Then he felt the warmth of Teal'c's hand on his shoulder and looked up.

"On Chulak," Teal'c told him, "when a child is hurt at play he is made to continue, lest he learn to fear the game." Slowly, he reached out, brushing back a lock of Daniel's hair.

The gesture, from anyone else, would have been subtle. Coming from Teal'c it crossed a chasm of reserve. Daniel caught his breath. Of all the things he had expected from Teal'c ...

His mouth, temporarily disconnected from his brain, said, "We have a similar custom." Daniel heard himself say the words, not at all sure whether that was acceptance, or a stall.

"You need help, Daniel." Teal'c's voice was quiet, firm. "Will you allow me to help you?"

Slowly, Daniel stood, acutely conscious for some reason, of the difference in height between them. He _did_ find Teal'c attractive, but he'd never seriously considered a sexual encounter between them. Sex had never seemed to be among the Jaffa's priorities, and it was Jack, no one else, who owned Daniel's heart.

Jack, who had raped him a few hours before.

He tried to picture himself and Teal'c together, imagining how it would feel to surrender to all that strength ... which led him to the memory of rape (_Jack's breath hot against his flesh as he thrust inside him ... no gentleness, no lubrication to ease the pain of cramped muscles and ruptured tissue ... oh, God, Jack, no, please, no, stop ... )_

Teal'c was right about one thing, Daniel realised. If he didn't face those memories soon, he never would. Tentatively, he reached out for his friend.

Teal'c kissed him. It was gentle at first, simply a kiss, Teal'c's mouth open, but dry, making no attempt to draw Daniel ' s tongue. Then as Daniel relaxed, Teal'c carefully pushed his tongue into Daniel ' s mouth, exploring slowly but thoroughly. Daniel pulled back from him, turning away.

Teal'c stood close to him, from behind, but didn't touch. He merely said quietly, "You have nothing to fear."

Fear? That wasn't it. It was the enormity of what he was doing: the impossibility of wanting this man ... of deliberately betraying his lover. But hadn't Jack betrayed _him_?

Impulsively, Daniel turned back to Teal'c, reaching up and pulling the man into another kiss. Daniel's hands roamed Teal'c's body as they kissed, coming to rest on his ass. He was gripping Teal'c tightly when the other man finally released his mouth.

"I have a room," Teal ' c said.

Without another word, Daniel followed him.

***

Teal'c's room, like most of the other temporary living quarters on the base, was functional at best. Unlike most, however, Teal'c lived here permanently. Daniel, glancing around the windowless, harshly lit room, wondered briefly why Teal'c still lived here; there was no reason he shouldn't live off the base if he chose. Then Teal'c's hands on his body drove the questions from Daniel's mind.

This was what he needed: sex. Not meaningless, but certainly reckless, without thought, without consequence. Without obligation. Daniel, kissing his friend again, felt the tensions of the past fortnight melting away. He hadn't known how tightly he was wound up.

Teal'c got Daniel out of his shirt quickly, and Daniel returned the favour. He ran his hands over Teal'c's biceps as his shirt fell away; the muscles were hard as steel, even now, when he was relaxed. He dropped to his knees to remove Teal'c's trousers and boots. Task accomplished he looked up to find the big man's erection inches from his face.

Daniel's eyes widened at the size of it. God, how would it feel to have a cock that big inside of him? Wonderful, probably, though the thought was a little frightening. Daniel smiled to himself, reaching up with one hand to touch. The sharp, musky scent of Teal'c's arousal filled Daniel's nostrils as Teal'c swayed closer, into his touch. Daniel reached up to support him with his left hand, while the right continued to explore his cock, discovering the shape and texture of it with his fingertips, then with his tongue. He heard Teal'c exhale as he licked the salty moisture gathered at the blunt head of his cock and, taking that sound as both approval and encouragement, he hungrily drew as much as he could into his mouth, both hands now cupping the firm cheeks of Teal'c's ass, pulling him closer ...

Daniel almost gagged as the head of Teal'c's cock hit the back of his throat. Teal'c pulled away, gently, reaching down to lift Daniel to his feet. "What is it you want, Daniel? What things do you enjoy?"

Breathlessly, Daniel answered, "Anything ... everything. I want you to fuck me, Teal'c." He was quaking inside even as he said it, not at all certain he would be able to, so soon. He had been bleeding quite badly earlier. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea...

But, while nothing had been said, Daniel knew this could only happened once between them. They would have only tonight, before the demands of the real world consigned this to unspoken memory. He wanted that memory to be worthwhile.

Teal'c smiled, and this time the expression didn't look odd to Daniel at all. "You are overdressed for that, Daniel." His hand rested gently on Daniel's injured shoulder.

Daniel, standing there in tight - _very_ tight, just now - jeans while Teal'c faced him naked, laughed and started to strip. Aware of Teal'c's heated gaze on him as he unbuckled his belt, Daniel slowed his movements, consciously putting on a show as he stripped. Teal'c sat back on his bed, just watching, but Daniel needed only a glance at the man ' s expression to know he liked what he saw.

What was he doing? Daniel wondered suddenly. Why was he here, with Teal'c? He was in a relationship already. And, despite everything, he knew he was in love with Jack ... who would certainly not understand if he ever found out about this. Very nearly naked, Daniel looked over to where Teal'c sat. Suddenly he felt intensely vulnerable, aware of how easily Teal'c could hurt him, if he chose.

"I will not," Teal'c said, answering Daniel's unspoken thought. And Daniel let the final piece of his clothing fall and joined Teal'c on the bed.

Teal'c's body covered Daniel's as they lay down together. The bigger man was careful to keep the bulk of his weight off Daniel as they kissed, their bodies touching at all points they could, now, no barrier of cloth between them. Daniel felt Teal'c's hand slip beneath his shoulder and he tensed slightly, aware that Jack's teeth had torn the skin there. But Teal'c merely brushed the wound lightly and moved on, his callused hands exploring every inch of Daniel's upper body. Daniel tried a couple of times to return the caresses, but Teal'c wouldn't allow him to take over, and eventually Daniel relaxed, trusting, submitting himself and his body to his friend's desire...

As Teal'c's hands parted his legs Daniel felt fear creeping in again. But Teal'c merely brushed the soft flesh of his inner thighs, kneeling between Daniel's knees. "Are you sure this is what you want?" Teal'c asked him.

Daniel nodded, not trusting his voice, as his mind filled with all the reasons he should say no. Then Teal'c's fist closed around his cock and all thought ceased. Teal'c knew exactly what to do, how to take Daniel right to the edge again and again, never quite letting him come. Daniel, unable to think any more, could only respond as Teal'c directed, thrusting helplessly into the other man's hands. Oh, God, it was too much, too intense ... Fingers tapping a light pattern on the head of his cock, bathing in the pre-orgasmic fluid gathered there. The back of a hand stroking his balls, as if weighing them, and all the while that hand was stroking him, milking him ... and, oh, God! Teal'c's fingers pushing into his opening, slowly, carefully, relentlessly.

Daniel forced his eyes open, needing to see Teal'c's face. His friend's eyes were closed, his lips parted, his head slightly bowed, as if he and not Daniel, were the one in ecstasy.

Then Teal'c's questing fingers found their target. White heat suffused Daniel's body as his hips bucked and he was dimly aware of shouting aloud as he climaxed, an orgasm that seemed to go on forever and forever ... Daniel had no idea how long it was before he could open his eyes again, was aware of himself again, exhausted, annihilated, looking up into Teal'c's eyes with an expression of undisguised wonder.

Which was the exact moment Teal'c began to slide into him, his cock lubricated with Daniel's own semen. It felt as if Teal'c was burning a path into him; Daniel's muscles protested as they were stretched by the man's considerable size. Daniel took a deep breath and released it, trying to relax. It felt terrible ... wonderful ... frightening ... oh, too overwhelming for words.

Daniel reached up toward Teal'c, who slid his hands up Daniel's sides and lifted him suddenly, raising Daniel's body entirely off the bed. Daniel, unbelievably, had Teal'c's entire length inside him now, and Teal'c pulled him into a kiss, his tongue filling Daniel's mouth, too. Daniel had never been so completely possessed.

When Teal'c released his mouth, Daniel was aware of murmuring words, over and over, but hadn't a clue what he was saying. He knew only _need_ in those moments, desperate, burning lust for this man who was surrounding him and inside him all at once, whose mouth at his neck felt so tender and Daniel realised that somehow - impossibly - he was hard again, his cock trapped between their bodies as Teal'c thrust lazily into him and he gripped Teal'c's body with all the strength he had as the pace of the thrusts increased and he heard Teal'c groan words in another language as he came inside Daniel, burning him inside with the hot flood of his seed.

It was some time before either man could speak again. Teal'c seemed to realise abruptly that he was crushing Daniel, lying where he had collapsed on top of him. He raised himself up more quickly than Daniel had been prepared for and rolled off to the side. Daniel, who hadn't minded Teal'c's weight on him, whispered a reassurance in the same language - Teal'c's own - Teal'c had used moments before. Teal'c smiled and kissed him again.

***

Daniel woke slowly, the dull ache of his ass reminding him he'd had a busy night. Aware of the warmth of a man's body beside him, he turned that way before he opened his eyes, expecting to see Jack. Instead he saw Teal'c, and for a moment he was totally disoriented.

"How are you feeling?" Teal'c asked him.

Daniel had been totally sober the night before, and it only took the question for the memories to start flooding back. A fun night out with Jack ended in violence and pain. Desperate to escape to somewhere - anywhere - that Jack wouldn't follow him he had ended up here, on the base. He remembered the late-night conversation, remembered everything.

"I'm fine, Teal'c," he answered, awkwardly.

Teal'c shook his head. "No, you are not fine. You seem better than you did, however."

Daniel swung his legs over the side of the bed. "You're right." He hesitated. "Teal'c ... there are security cameras everywhere ... "

"Not in this room," Teal'c assured him. "In the corridors, yes, but the cameras are not monitored. The tapes will be viewed only if there is reason."

Daniel nodded. He had known that, but the possibility worried him. Neither of them was subject to military rules, but there was no way to tell how General Hammond would react to this kind of assignation. Not to mention, Daniel _really_ didn't want Jack finding out.

Jack ... Was there anything left of their relationship to salvage? Did he really want to try?

Teal'c's voice cut into his thoughts again. "You must dress, Daniel. Then we will speak with Doctor Fraiser."

Daniel's head snapped round to look at him. "I don't think that's a good idea, Teal'c ... "

"We agreed upon a course of action last night," Teal'c insisted.

Yes. They had. But Janet would want to know _everything_. Wouldn't it be her duty to report what he told her? Daniel didn't want to get Jack into trouble ... and that answered the more important question, of course. He might be feeling hurt and confused right now, but his heart wasn't confused. He loved Jack. He needed to be with him.

Hard on the heels of that, was the guilt. He had betrayed Jack, last night. Perhaps worse than that, he had used Teal'c. Neither act was like him.

He reached for his clothes and began to dress.

***

Janet had only just arrived on the base when Teal'c and Daniel appeared at the infirmary door. She allowed herself one longing thought of coffee, but the demeanour of the two men told her this was important before either of them had spoken. Daniel looked unhappy, and he was still wearing his civilian clothing. Teal'c hovered protectively close to the younger man, his expression grim.

"What can I do for you?" she asked.

"Daniel Jackson has something to discuss with you," Teal'c answered her.

So Daniel's presence here wasn't entirely voluntary. Janet glanced at Teal'c, and then gave her attention to Daniel. "Have a seat, Daniel. Would you feel more comfortable in private?"

Daniel nodded, but said, "It's okay. Teal'c can stay. He already knows what happened."

"I'm listening." She watched him move over to a bed and sit on the edge of it. Daniel's movements were a little stiff. "Are you injured, Daniel?"

"Um ... yeah, a little. But ... " he glanced at Teal'c apprehensively, "you'd better let me talk, first."

Janet listened to Daniel's story without comment. He talked about Jack's personality change and his nightmares. He described his occasional, violent moods. And finally, slowly, stumbling over every word, Daniel revealed that Jack had raped him the night before.

When Daniel fell silent, Janet said softly, "Teal'c is right. You should have come to me with this before." She lifted the nearest telephone and summoned security to the infirmary. As well as being necessary, the action gave her a space to think. Daniel wasn't telling her everything. He was holding something back...violence was something Janet might have been able to predict, but _rape_? That was so far from the Colonel's character something must have triggered it. Janet knew Daniel was gay...

With a flash of intuition she recognised the missing link. Daniel...and the Colonel?

Two SFs appeared in the doorway. Crisply, she said to them, "Colonel O'Neill should be at his home. I want you to go out there and ask him to report to me as soon as possible. If he agrees, escort him to me here."

"I will accompany you," Teal'c said.

"That's a good idea, Teal'c, thank you." As they left her alone with Daniel, Janet turned her attention to her patient. "How badly are you hurt, Daniel?"

He avoided her eyes. "I got torn up a bit. It's not that serious."

"I thought you knew better than to try the heroics with me. Truth, Daniel."

"That is the truth. I have a lot of bruises, and I lost some blood, but I'll heal."

"What aren't you telling me?"

"I don't know what you mean."

She sighed. "Daniel, I understand your desire to protect Colonel O'Neill, but it's important I know everything. Come with me." She led him to her records room. Janet only knew one way to convince Daniel he could trust her completely. She took Daniel's medical records from her files, and handed him the folder. "I think you'll find that interesting reading. I'm going to leave you alone for a while, Daniel. When you've finished reading, we'll talk some more."

***

Daniel glanced at the folder she had left him. It had his own name on it. His medical records? He knew he had a somewhat chequered medical history, particularly in the past year, but what would be in here he didn't already know?

... A great deal, as it turned out.

Largely because of their work in alien environments, all the SG teams were required to submit to extensive medical testing. The potential disaster inherent in bringing back a virus or bacteria from another world made the screenings essential. But the tests covered a great deal more than just that. Daniel had known this already: their general fitness was considered as important as disease screening. Not to mention research into the possible effects of regular Gate-travel. The file Janet gave him revealed a great deal more.

Records of tests, spanning the whole of his time at the SCG. Notes on the reverse of the forms revealed why Doctor Fraiser had conducted certain tests as well as what she believed she had learned from them. It was nothing unprofessional, and Daniel knew he could have had access to this record at any time, just by asking her. But she had kept certain things discreetly to herself. Notes had been made on the medical records, because she was a professional doing a job, but it was clear she had reported some things in no other place. And it was unlikely anyone would demand to see her confidential records with no good reason.

Janet knew Daniel was gay. That was obvious from the second page he looked at. She also seemed to be aware he had a lover. Whether she knew whom, he couldn't tell from the neat, clinical reports. She had the timing almost exactly right, though. He closed the file, not quite sure what to think.

When Janet came back into the room, he had handed back the file without a word.

"Ready to tell me the _whole_ truth now, Doctor Jackson?" she had asked.

Daniel had been about to agree, when he saw Teal'c in the doorway. Then he saw Jack standing next to him.

Daniel fled.

***

Janet didn't try to stop him leaving. She turned her attention to the Colonel, seeing his eyes follow Daniel's hurried departure, his expression a blank mask. O'Neill looked haggard. He hadn't shaved, and his clothes were rumpled as if he had slept in them, or dressed in a hurry. Either could be the case. He didn't look happy. Janet wondered if he had come here voluntarily ... from the look on Teal'c's face, she guessed not.

"Come in, Colonel," she invited. She picked up Daniel's medical file and put it away in a drawer, hoping it had shown him what she wanted him to understand. She walked a fine line between a patient's right to confidentiality and her duty to the SGC. Some things couldn't be recorded explicitly. Daniel was an intelligent man who knew how to interpret and read between the lines. He should have understood.

Colonel O'Neill met her eyes as she approached. "How's Danny? Is he okay?"

"I'm not sure. I haven't examined him fully," Janet answered. She gestured to a bed. "Why don't you tell me what happened, Colonel?"

Uncomfortably, he said, "Didn't Daniel...?"

"I need to hear it from _you_, Colonel. I promise to keep as much as possible confidential, but as your doctor I need to know _everything_. I need you to trust me, Colonel." She looked into his eyes. "You not sleeping well?"

He shrugged. "Not lately."

"What happened between you and Daniel?"

He looked away, avoiding her eyes. "We ... um ... we had a fight ... "

"If you don't want to tell me the truth, I can always call Doctor McKenzie," Janet suggested. She knew O'Neill disliked McKenzie.

O'Neill's eyes narrowed. "Alright! The truth is ... I don't know. We went out. Had a good time." He broke off.

Janet waited, but he didn't continue. If what she suspected was true, she understood his reluctance. But she couldn't allow him to lie to her. "Colonel?" she prompted.

He cleared his throat. "This is confidential, right?"

"Absolutely."

"Daniel and I ... we're a little more than friends. Last night was ... kind of a date. He was ... relaxed. Flirting. When we got home I wanted ... I guess I was a bit rough."

"You had sex?"

"Yeah. I mean ... um ... yeah. Sex."

"Daniel tells it a bit differently."

O'Neill covered his face with his hands. A second later he tried to cover the gesture by pushing back his hair. He met Janet's eyes. "Is he okay?" he asked quietly.

Taking pity on him, she answered, "I don't think there's any real harm done. Not physically. The rest ... I can't really tell you."

O'Neill nodded. "Are you going to report this?"

"Me? No. That's Daniel's decision." She hesitated. "Colonel, this wasn't entirely your fault. The medication I've been giving you could have a lot to do with what you've been feeling, but if I'm going to help you I need to do some more tests. And I will need you to be completely honest with me."

"More needles, Doc?" O'Neill winced, but there was more than a hint of his usual humour in there.

Janet smiled. "You can start by taking off your shirt."

***

#### Six Hours Later

Daniel didn't have a clue what to do. Too tired, after the previous night, to work, he didn't want to sleep on the base. But if he didn't sleep there (alone) he would have to go home, and the thought of staying there (alone) wasn't attractive. He wanted, desperately, to see Jack. He wanted even more to be able to wipe out the past twenty four hours altogether. Just erase them from history. But history doesn't work that way, and he had to deal with the present.

He wanted Jack. Yet he was terrified of having to see him.

He had spent the day in his office, working. If Janet or anyone else wanted him this would be the first place they would look. He tried not to think about that, concentrating solely on his research. Then, an hour ago, Janet had turned up.

"I expected to see you in the infirmary," she told Daniel, taking a seat opposite him.

Daniel shook his head. "I didn't want to run into Jack."

"I'm not surprised. But that's not the point. I shouldn't have to remind you that you were physically assaulted. You need to let me examine you."

"No!" Daniel spoke a little too quickly. He pushed away the file he'd been reading. "I mean, I'm fine. Really." He hesitated, running a hand through his hair. "How's Jack?" he asked her.

"Do you care?" she asked.

"Well, of course I - " he burst out, and then cut himself off, too late.

Her professional mask softened. "He's going to be fine. For an educated man, Doctor Jackson, you can be extraordinarily naïve at times. Why on earth didn't you come to me days ago?"

"I don't know."

"Daniel, you have to trust me. Anything could have happened. Don't you understand how dangerous all this was?"

He frowned. "Dangerous?"

She leaned forward over the desk. "Angel is deadly, Daniel. On Nemesis, once someone has taken it, even just one dose, they have two choices. Die of the drug, or die in withdrawal. It's that simple."

"But Jack ... "

Colonel O'Neill is incredibly lucky. Or unlucky. It depends how you see it." She paused, trying to decide how much to reveal. "The Colonel contracted a nano-virus on one of your missions. It could have killed him. Remember that?"

"Yes. On Argos. It made him appear to age rapidly. But Sam said the virus was deactivated."

"It was. But it had already done some damage. I didn't make a song and dance about it, because there was no point. But it had altered his brain chemistry ... the details don't matter. It wasn't life threatening. I didn't think it would have any effect at all. But that slight alteration is the only thing that explains the data I have: comparing the effects of that drug on the Colonel to its effects on any other human being." Janet paused for breath. Daniel said nothing, just waited.

"Tate believed from the data we had that the Colonel had a chance. He called it a miracle. I agreed to share data with him in exchange for his help.

"We used a drug that is still experimental on his world, Daniel. We knew the risks, but Colonel O'Neill was going to die if we didn't try something. The effects of the treatment we used were unpredictable. It was supposed to mimic the effects of Angel, without the hallucinogenic reaction or the addictive properties."

Daniel nodded. "Cushion the comedown."

Janet smiled. "So you were listening? I was beginning to wonder." A breath, and she continued. "I was anticipating some sort of psychological effect. If you had _told _me you two were lovers, I would have warned you. Angel produces a sexual response, so ... "

Daniel, finally, understood what she was telling him. "So I'm stupid. I'm sorry."

"The good news is that the worst is probably over. There is very little Angel left in his system, so I've taken him off all medication. I'll need to keep an eye on him, though. He could still suffer from withdrawal." She glanced at the clock on his wall. "I'd better go or I'm going to miss my late lunch. Again." She stood up to leave. "I still want to see you in the infirmary. If not today, then first thing in the morning. That's an order, Doctor Jackson."

"Okay. Tomorrow," he agreed.

He picked up the file and went back to his work.

Until late afternoon, when he found that while he had a pen in his hand, he couldn't focus on the page enough to know what he was writing. He put the pen down, removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. Turning the chair away from the desk, he replaced his glasses and prescribed himself a coffee. He rose unsteadily and went over to the percolator in the corner. It was half full. He poured himself a mug - black, too strong - and took a long drink.

"Daniel?"

He spun around, almost spilling the coffee.

Jack stood in the doorway. As Daniel watched, he stepped inside the office, closing the door behind him. Jack looked haggard. His shirt was crumpled as if it had been slept in, and the top three buttons were undone. He looked like he hadn't shaved that day. There were dark shadows beneath his eyes. He looked terrible. He looked wonderful.

"Daniel, can we talk?"

Daniel didn't answer at once. He placed the coffee mug beside the percolator, walked around the desk and leaned back against it. Only when he came to a stop did he look at Jack. When their eyes met, they were separated only by five feet of empty space.

Daniel took a deep breath. Inside, he was shaking. "I'm listening."

"I - I'm sorry," Jack said. He looked down at the ground, then back up at Daniel. His hand half raised in an odd gesture. "God, Daniel, I don't know what else to say. I don't know what happened ... "

"_I _do." It was quietly spoken. He _did_ know, Christ, he of all people knew what drug-withdrawal could do to a man. He had been through it himself, not long ago. And he had been so far gone he had almost killed Jack. Daniel wondered if Jack knew how close that encounter had been.

He waited until Jack met his eyes again. "I don't want 'sorry' from you, Jack. There's nothing to forgive."

Jack blinked at the words and Daniel had to catch his breath just from seeing the look, the _hope_ on Jack's face in that moment.

"I know you, Jack. I _know_ you, right here. " Daniel closed a fist over his own heart. "What happened ... it wasn't you. So please don't say sorry. It's in the past."

"Daniel ... " Jack sounded close to tears.

What was Jack going through? Not just emotionally: Daniel knew that there wasn't much that could drag this sort of a response from Jack. He felt unutterably selfish, suddenly: Jack was in pain, _Jack_ was going through hell, and he, Daniel, hadn't given that a thought. But still ...

"I want two things from you, Jack," he said, quietly determined.

Jack stopped in the middle of taking a step forward. "Name them," he said helplessly.

"Just promise me, _promise me_, Jack, it won't ever happen again. I still trust you enough to believe you if you promise."

Jack didn't even hesitate. "I swear. Never, ever again. I promise."

Their eyes met again. There was a long silence. Daniel drew his lower lip through his teeth. He wanted so much to be angry with Jack. Maybe because that would justify what he'd done with Teal'c. But it wasn't possible for him. He had been hurt, yes. But all tangled up with that was the guilt. He felt it should be him begging Jack's forgiveness.

"What's the second thing?" Jack asked him, breaking the silence.

His voice much, much softer, Daniel said, "Come here, Jack." He took a step toward his lover, and Jack moved toward him and they were in each other's arms at last, finally.

Jack's unshaven cheek scratched Daniel's neck as he buried his face in Daniel ' s shoulder. "Danny, oh, Danny, I'm so sorry, God, I don't deserve you ... " More words, muffled against Daniel's shirt. Daniel didn't need to hear the words. He could hear the love.

Daniel turned his head just slightly and Jack blindly sought his mouth. For a second, no more, Daniel hesitated, because of what had happened, and because of where they were. Then the heat of Jack's lips burned away the reasons to hesitate and Daniel was kissing him back, his lips parting, his mobile tongue urging Jack's response.

The kiss lasted a long, long time. The clung to each other, each moving against the other, their mouths joined, their tongues thrusting in parody of the more intimate act.

***

Outside the room, two men were passing by. One of them, purely out of habit, glanced through the glass pane as they walked past Daniel's door. What he saw made him pause, drawing the attention of his companion. Neither man spoke of it at the time; they simply continued on their way.

***

Eventually, they broke apart. Daniel knew he was hard, and he knew Jack was aware of it. He felt heat rising in his cheeks, but made no attempt to hide it.

Jack's eyes gave away his arousal far more clearly than his body or his voice. "I think," he said, with a grin, "we should continue this at home. Don't you?"

Daniel's voice was much hoarser. "Your place or mine?"

Jack laughed, a badly needed release of tension. Then he casually clapped a hand on Daniel's shoulder. "Your place is closer."

***

The only light in the room came from the single candle that stood on Daniel's nightstand. The flickering flame illuminated Jack's body as he lay, completely naked on top of the white cotton quilt. He had emerged from the shower a few minutes before, and since then had been waiting here, lying on his back in a relaxed posture any artist would have adored, his eyes half-closed, his hair still a little damp, his legs slightly parted, offering an enticing view of his partially erect cock.

On the nightstand beside the candle several other items had been carefully arranged: a selection of condoms, a ladies silk scarf, a tube of lubricant, and a tumbler filled with ice. There was only one thing missing: his lover.

Sex between them had almost always been spontaneous. It was a regular event, always wonderful and occasionally imaginative, but rarely was it carefully planned. Tonight was going to be different.

After that incredible kiss in Daniel's office at the SGC, Daniel had driven them both straight home. Just as they pulled into the parking lot, Daniel, who had obviously been chewing something over in his mind for the whole journey, had turned to Jack with a wicked smile. "Do you trust me, Jack?"

Jack wasn't used to seeing that particular look on his Daniel's face. "What kind of a question is that?" he asked.

Daniel shrugged. "A question. Jack, I want ... God, I want you, Jack." His voice was suddenly heavy with desire, drawing an answering response from Jack's body. "But, I want us to do this _my_ way. Will you?"

"What's your way?"

"You'll see."

That was all the answer it seemed Jack was going to get. Jack was overwhelmingly grateful that Daniel was with him at all. He suspected Daniel was deliberately trying to make him nervous; it was, Jack had to admit, the least he deserved. If Daniel needed to be in charge this time, Jack wasn't about to deny him. He leaned over the handbrake and kissed Daniel, not caring, just this once, that they were in a public place. "Any way you want, Danny."

Daniel's instructions had been precise: Jack was to take a shower while he "prepared" the bedroom, and then Jack was to wait for him. For how long? Jack had asked. Daniel smiled and told him, "Until I'm ready." So Jack was waiting, naked on a bed in a candlelit room, wondering what on earth his lover had in store for him. He had heard the shower stop a few minutes before.

By candlelight, Daniel was a vision. He appeared in the doorway, naked as Jack was. The flickering candle gave his tanned skin a bronze glow ... he looked like a sculpture of a Greek god. He waited in the doorway for a moment, watching Jack.

"You _are_ gorgeous," Daniel breathed, stepping into the room finally.

"Funny," Jack told him. "I was just thinking the same thing."

Daniel smiled, slowly approaching the bed. "Tonight is mine," he said softly. "Tonight ... " his fingertip stroked lightly along the length of Jack ' s cock, " ... _you_ are mine."

Jack drew in his breath sharply at the touch. His cock swelled to attention. He saw Daniel noting that response; saw him lean down over Jack's lower body and closed his eyes in anticipation. But ... nothing. When Jack opened his eyes again, Daniel was watching him, his lips curving in a teasing smile while his eyes glinted in the candlelight. When he was sure he had Jack's attention, he reached across to the nightstand and picked up the silk scarf he had left there. Jack wondered briefly where that had come from: Daniel didn't strike him as the type to _wear_ something like that. The silk brushed Jack's skin oh-so-lightly as Daniel moved it. Jack sighed in contentment and reached for Daniel, wanting to touch, to kiss. To bring pleasure.

Daniel evaded his hands. "Ah, ah," he admonished. The silk trailed across Jack ' s cock and his thighs then stopped, and began the journey back upward. As it brushed his cock a second time Jack involuntarily arched toward it; his body craving much more than that tickling, barely-there sensation.

"Are you willing to give me control, Jack?" Daniel asked him.

"I thought I already had," Jack answered. Daniel said nothing; only his eyes reproached Jack for the evasion. Jack said, "Yes. Anything you want. Anything you need."

"Good." Daniel ran the length of silk through his hands. "Hands or eyes?"

Jack frowned. "What?"

"Your choice," Daniel told him. "Lose your hands ... " and he twined the silk around his own wrist suggestively " ... or your eyes." And the silk brushed across Jack's face, depriving him of sight for a moment.

Jack understood. He hesitated; he was not, and never had been into those sorts of games. It was true that Daniel had occasionally hinted ... Daniel was trying to goad him. He was pushing at Jack's boundaries because he knew that tonight of all nights, Jack would have to let him.

Daniel was silent, waiting for Jack. If he tried to back out of this now, what would Daniel do? It wasn't an option in any case. Jack had already promised himself he would do whatever Daniel needed. And it was really a simple choice Daniel offered. Give up his sight, and he wouldn't be able to anticipate or prepare for whatever Daniel might do. Worse, he wouldn't be able to see Daniel's enjoyment, and that was one of his favourite parts of sex. But if he let Daniel tie his hands, he would have to be completely passive. He wouldn't be able to touch Daniel, or do anything to give him pleasure. Neither thought appealed. Daniel had still said nothing.

Jack said, "Eyes," and instantly regretted it.

"Good choice, lover," Daniel smiled. He tied the silk across Jack's eyes: a secure and very effective blindfold. Then he kissed Jack on the lips. Jack reached for him and this time Daniel didn't avoid his touch. They kissed hungrily, Jack's hands roaming Daniel's body as Daniel lay above him, his cock thrusting gently against Jack's thigh.

Then Daniel moved lower down Jack's body, his lips tasting every place they passed: his ear, his neck a shoulder ... He reached a nipple, his mouth closed over it and he sucked strongly. Jack groaned, tangling his fingers in Daniel's hair as the younger man continued to suck on his flesh. Daniel bit him. The unexpected pain sent a dart of fire straight to Jack's cock. Daniel continued to worry at the dark nub of flesh until it stood out, livid and erect on Jack's chest. Then he moved away, carefully removing Jack's hand from his hair. Jack didn't know where he was, or what he might be doing.

"Danny?" he murmured.

"Right here."

Jack gasped as shockingly cold ice was applied to his other nipple. It felt ... good. Deprived of his sight, Jack's other senses were heightened, and his arousal only added to that. Every tiny sensation was magnified, and the erogenous points of his nipples, one on fire, the other painfully cold, sent intense signals to the rest of his body that agreed on only one thing: his need.

The heat of Jack's skin was melting the ice. He felt a trickle of water flowing across his skin.

Daniel caught the water on his tongue. Jack gasped again: next to the ice, Daniel's tongue was burning hot. He heard Daniel chuckle as both ice and tongue were withdrawn.

"You liked that."

"Oh, God, yes!"

"Tell me what you think of this."

For a moment, Jack was worried, again. He could feel the mattress dip as Daniel moved, but he had no idea what Daniel was doing. Then he felt Daniel's cock nudging at his lips. With a moan of delight, Jack took Daniel into his mouth, reaching up with both hands to hold his hips. The salty, slightly bitter taste that was so uniquely Daniel filled his tongue and Jack sucked on him skilfully, pleased for the chance to give. The angle of Daniel's cock in his mouth changed, but Jack paid it no attention, concentrating on pleasing his lover. Then a moist warmth enveloped Jack's own straining erection. He groaned and swallowed involuntarily, causing an answering shudder through the frame of the man above him. Daniel responded by deep-throating Jack and sucking him hard. Jack would have cried out at the sensation, but Daniel's cock effectively gagged him. His hips jerked off the quilt, forcing his shaft further into Daniel's mouth. Daniel had expected that, and relaxed his throat, taking in all of Jack that he could. He drew back, increasing the suction, then slid his lips down Jack's shaft again, taking all of him this time, right into his throat. Jack couldn't hold back. Thrusting into his lover's warmth he strove toward the moment and Daniel carried him there eagerly, sucking hard until Jack came in his mouth.

As he recovered from orgasm, Jack became aware that Daniel's cock had slipped from between his lips at some point. He arched upward, seeking it again, wanting to return the pleasure he had just been given. Daniel evaded him again.

"Turn over," Daniel instructed. And, when Jack hesitated, "That's an order, Colonel!"

There was a crack of command in Daniel's voice that Jack instinctively obeyed. Then he laughed, more at himself than anything. "Since when do _you_ give the orders, Danny-boy?"

"Just tonight," Daniel growled. And ran his hot, talented tongue up the crack of Jack's ass.

"Ah, God! Yes, sir!"

Daniel laughed. He licked Jack again, his hair falling forward to brush Jack's buttocks as his tongue probed between them, seeking the brown rose of his anus. He circled the opening a few times with his tongue, and then very, very slowly, he pushed his tongue inside.

"Daniel!" Jack protested, tensing suddenly.

Daniel's mouth was withdrawn. "You don't like that?" he asked, concerned.

_It's disgusting! _ was Jack's first thought. But he didn't answer at once. He thought about it. His body was completely clean, fresh from the shower. Neither of them had any sort of a disease, and despite Jack's protest, it had felt wonderful. The wet and slippery muscle of Daniel's tongue penetrating him in the most intimate of ways. He relaxed a little. "How do I taste?" he asked.

Encouraged, Daniel went back to what he had been doing. "Clean. Salt. Sweat. You taste good, lover." His tongue pushed inside Jack again. Jack, taking the experience with an open mind, at least, found it warmly pleasurable. He wondered if he would ever do that to Daniel ...

And then, with almost no warning, Daniel's cock pressed against his anus. Ready for this now, oh, more than ready, Jack moved back against him eagerly. Daniel slid inside him slowly, carefully. Too slowly.

"Daniel, please ... " Jack begged.

"Soon, lover, soon," Daniel whispered, continuing that sweet, slow penetration until he was all the way inside. Daniel leaned forward for a kiss, and this changed the angle of his cock inside Jack until Jack cried out with the pleasure. Daniel's hand entwined with his and he moved inside him, withdrawing to enter again, slowly at first, but not for long, soon he was thrusting hard into his lover, laying claim to what was his, telling Jack over and over how much he loved him.

***

"If you ask again, I'll tell you." Daniel bit his lip, grateful that the lights were off, because Jack wouldn't see the gesture. "But it's better that you don't know, Jack. Leave well enough alone, please."

They had been talking for hours. Talking, the way they had done when they first fell in love, about anything and everything. Talking, just as if the past two days had never happened. But they had, and neither man could forget.

Eventually, the question had come, as Daniel had known it would. How had Daniel forgiven Jack so easily? How could he bear to be touched by him, much less make love to him the way he just had? Jack hadn't put it that way, of course, but Daniel understood what he was asking. The last thing he wanted was to tell Jack the truth. He had tried to avoid the question, joking, teasing. Jack knew him too well to be fooled by that. He had asked again. Now the moment was on them.

"Now, y'see, _that_ makes it sound like something I ought to hear," Jack pointed out.  "C'mon, Daniel. Give."

"Okay." Daniel shifted uncomfortably, then sat up, putting a little distance between himself and his lover. There wasn't really a way to soften this. "I ... I talked with Teal'c. I told him everything ... about us ... what happened ... " He hesitated, then made himself go on. "We spent the whole night together."

"You already told me that," Jack said uncertainly.

Daniel shook his head in the darkness. "No, Jack." He turned and switched the light on, looking directly at Jack. "I mean, we spent the night together. We slept together."

"You _what_!" Jack, blinking sleepily against the light a moment before, was up and out of the bed instantly.

Daniel said nothing. The look of hurt and comprehension in his lover's dark eyes robbed him of words. All he could do was look at him, silently begging him to understand.

"You _fucked_ Teal'c?"

_No, he fucked me. Thoroughly._ Daniel was wise enough not to voice the thought. "Jack, I was tired, I was hurting. I never meant ... "

"Tired! _That's _ your reason? God, Daniel! What kind of respect does that show me? Or _us_?"

"Respect?" Daniel repeated incredulously. "Where _exactly _was your _respect _when you were raping me?" The words were quietly spoken. It could have ended there.

But Jack was too angry. He never heard the plea in Daniel's words. He only lashed out, needing in that moment to hurt, as the revelation had hurt him. "That does _not _give you the right to screw around on me! How could you do that? Is that all I am to you - a nice piece of ass?" He was furious.

_... "Jack's career ... " _

_"Is not more important than your life and sanity," Teal'c interrupted harshly. More gently he added, "You should not carry this alone, Daniel." _

_... Jack's breath hot against his flesh as he thrust inside him ... no gentleness, no lubrication to ease the pain of cramped muscles and ruptured tissue ... oh, God, Jack, no, please, no, stop ..._

_... "I swear. Never, ever again. I promise." _

"Get out, Jack." Daniel closed his eyes against the tears that threatened.

"That's the best you can do, is it?" Jack demanded.

With icy calm, Daniel repeated, "This is my place. I'm asking you to leave."

Jack stared at him a moment more. Then, without speaking another word, he dressed and left the room. A few moments later, Daniel heard his front door open and slam shut.

He turned over and buried his face in a pillow. It smelled of Jack's aftershave.

What had he done?

***

Jack got as far as his usual parking space before he remembered his car wasn't there. He hadn't taken his own car to the SGC that morning; the airmen Janet Fraiser sent after him had driven him in. He had left with Daniel, in Daniel's car. Daniel ... who had forgiven him the worst crime a man can commit and made love with him tonight.

He stood there, alone, in the parking lot. "Jack O'Neill, just how stupid _are_ you?" he asked aloud. He sat down on the kerb, resting his hands on his knees.

Goddamn it, _why_ couldn't he say what he really meant? The last thing Daniel deserved from him was ...

_"That does not give you the right to screw around on me! How could you do that? Is that all I am to you - a nice piece of ass?" _

_"Get out, Jack. This is my place. I'm asking you to leave." _

Their lovemaking that night had been ...

_... "Turn over. That's an order, Colonel!" _

_"Since when do you give the orders, Danny-boy?" _

_"Just tonight." Daniel's hot, talented tongue licked the crack of Jack's ass. At Jack's gasped response he laughed softly. He licked Jack again, his hair falling forward to brush Jack's buttocks as his tongue probed between them, seeking the brown rose of his anus. He circled the opening a few times with his tongue, and then very, very slowly, he pushed his tongue inside._

... So wonderful, so different from everything they had shared before.

Danny. He loved that man. Maybe he loved him too much ... Daniel wouldn't have such power to hurt him otherwise. He had never felt quite secure in Daniel's love - oh, he knew Daniel loved him, but he could never figure out _why_. They had nothing in common, and he was so much older than Daniel ...

Tonight had been amazing.

Until Daniel had told him ... Teal'c? Why Teal'c of all people?

And that was the thought that made him pause.

Did this hurt _because_ it was Teal'c? He thought about that. It wasn't the first time Daniel had been unfaithful. It hadn't hurt like this when he'd been screwing around with Princess Shyla.

Jack's mind was tormenting him with images of the two of them together. He remembered Daniel tonguing his anus and wondered if he had done that for Teal'c ... worse, had Teal'c performed that most intimate caress for Daniel? He felt sick, the pain of those images very nearly physical.

What did it matter? Daniel shouldn't have done it. But Jack knew why he had done it.

What right did Jack have to deny Daniel that comfort after what he had done?

***

Daniel slid out of bed and headed into the bathroom. He ran the cold water until it was freezing then splashed a great deal of it into his face. He straightened up and looked at himself in the mirror. There was a love-bite just below his shoulder. Jack had put it there.

Well, what had he expected? "Don't worry about it, Danny, we all make mistakes."? He had known Jack wouldn't take this well. Why _should_ he? But if Jack hadn't driven him into another man ' s bed ...

They had never said their relationship was exclusive.

_Oh, stop it Daniel. That's what "I love you" means. And being in the right, if you are, has nothing to do with staying in a relationship. Jack had a right to be angry and you know it._

Why had he kicked Jack out? Jack wasn't well. He didn't even have his car ... Daniel stared at himself in the mirror, suddenly realising. Jack couldn't have gone far: he had no car, and Jack never carried much cash. If he wanted a cab he would have headed toward the bank ...

Daniel dressed in record time: just the first pair of trousers that came to hand and a soiled T-shirt. He was about to open the door when he remembered shoes would probably be useful. He forced his bare feet into the nearest pair and grabbed his keys. He opened the front door.

Jack was standing there, his hand raised, about to knock.

***

There was dead silence. Broken, awkwardly, by Jack. "Can I come in?"

Daniel stepped away from the door, making room for Jack to enter. "Jack, I ... "

"No, Daniel." Jack interrupted. "Just let me talk."

Daniel nodded. Jack hesitated a moment more, then crossed the threshold, walking past Daniel into the living room. Daniel followed him. When Jack sat down in an easy chair, Daniel took the couch and waited, watching Jack nervously.

"Was he good for you?"

Daniel drew in his breath sharply. He looked away. It seemed a bad idea to answer that question. Yet, Jack didn't sound angry. It sounded like a genuine question. "Jack, what am I supposed to say to that? Whatever I tell you, I can't win."

"I just want the truth, Daniel. Was it good? Was it what you needed?"

Reluctantly, Daniel nodded. "Yes. It was good." _Fantastic, if you want the whole truth ..._

Jack seemed to accept that answer. He hesitated again, and then seeming to force the words out, he said, "If you ... if you'd rather be with him ... I can't pretend to like it, but I will understand." His dark eyes were shadowed with pain.

Daniel began to breathe again. "Is that what you think?" he asked softly.

"Well, you threw me out, so ... "

Daniel shook his head. " Jack, Teal'c is a _friend_. He offered me what I needed, when I needed it, with no strings, no obligations. I don't know a higher form of friendship. But a friend is all he is. " He hesitated, and then went for the whole truth. " I suppose in different circumstances ... but my heart is taken, Jack. I'm in love with _you_. If what happened between you and me last night can't change that, then what happened between me and Teal'c certainly can't. I'm in love with you. "

There was a long silence. A couple of times Jack started to speak then changed his mind. He ran a hand through his hair. "God, I'm so tired," he muttered. Looking at Daniel, he managed a smile. "I guess I can't blame the guy for wanting to nail you." The smile got a little stronger. "It's only what I did, first chance I got."

Tentatively, Daniel returned the smile. "Does that mean I'm forgiven?" he asked hopefully.

"Hell, no!" Jack declared. He was obviously joking. "I'll expect you to beg forgiveness on your knees at least once a day."

Daniel, because he knew Jack was joking, slid off the couch and knelt in front of Jack. "Is this what you have in mind?" he asked, looking up through lowered lashes.

Jack's voice was barely louder than a whisper. "No, Danny," he said. "For crying out loud, _I_ should be the one on my knees here. I'm so sorry - for everything. It's just ... I know this doesn't excuse what I've done, but it's because I want you to be mine. Completely mine. It scares me sometimes - how much I love you."

Daniel's hands rested on Jack's knees, and slowly he slid them upward, caressing Jack's thighs. "I _am_ yours, Jack. Completely yours. Come back to bed, and I'll prove it."

Jack looked at him. Daniel's hair was a mess, his clothes were rumpled and there was a shadow of stubble on his cheeks and chin. His eyes, looking up at Jack, were inviting, but they were also tinged with red: he had been crying. Jack stroked Daniel's unshaven cheek. "Bed sounds good. But the rest is gonna have to wait. I'm beat." He was yawning even as he spoke. Jack stood and Daniel followed suit. Unable to resist, Jack pulled him close and kissed him, intending to keep it low-key. Daniel's mouth opened beneath his, and their tongues met and entwined.

The image was there again. Daniel and Teal'c. Had his Danny kissed Teal'c like this? That tiny moan when their tongues first touched ... had Teal'c heard that? Jack tried; he really tried to suppress his jealousy, telling himself over and over that he didn't have the right.

Daniel drew away from him. "Jack?" he questioned.

Jack realised how tense he was, suddenly. "I can't get the picture out of my head," he confessed. "You and him ... "

Daniel looked down. "I guess this is going to take some time."

"I guess so."

"Just tell me you want to try."

"More than anything," said Jack, and meant it.

Daniel kissed him, with tenderness rather than passion this time. "So let's get some sleep," he suggested.

***

#### The Next Day

"_More_ coffee?" Jack teased. "That stuff's gonna kill you, Daniel."

Daniel continued pouring, ignoring the jibe. "Sam?" he offered, holding up the jug.

She smiled, obviously enjoying the by-play. "No, thanks." She turned to Jack, asking the question on all of their minds. "Are you back for good now, Colonel?"

The four of them were relaxing in Daniel's office. It was an old routine, when there was no crisis urging them on: to get together at the beginning of the day and relax a little before the business started. Jack had reported to the infirmary first thing, expecting to be sent straight home, but to his surprise, Janet Fraiser had ordered him back to duty.

"The doc's orders," he told Sam, answering her question. " She says I'm fit enough for light duty. You know: reading reports, signing papers. Exciting stuff."

Sam smiled at Jack's wry humour. "Good to have you back, sir," she said sincerely.

Jack sketched a mocking bow. "Why thank you, Captain Carter."

Sam placed her mug back on the table. "Well, I have to go. A long day at the microscope awaits."

"Can it wait, Sam?" Daniel asked her. "There's an idea or two I'd like to run by you."

She shrugged. "Sure. I'll call in at the lab and let them know where I am, then I'll be right back."

Jack, too, stood. "Time I was going, too. Hammond wants to see me at 0900 and it's ... " he glanced at his watch, " ... very nearly that, now. See you later, people."

Jack and Sam walked out together, leaving Daniel alone with Teal'c.

"I take it you and O'Neill have resolved your differences," Teal'c said. They were almost the first words he had spoken to Daniel that day.

Daniel could only tell the truth. "Yes. We have."

"I am ... pleased," Teal'c said.

Daniel didn't realise how worried he had been until Teal'c said that. Teal'c might conceal the truth at times, but he never, ever lied to his friends. Daniel had been feeling guilty for his part in all of this, knowing he had used Teal'c, not knowing how his friend would react now.

He smiled with relief. "Thank you," he said. He had never meant those words more.

***

"Have a seat, Colonel."

Jack took the seat General Hammond indicated. He could tell from the General's tone that this was going to be serious stuff, not a routine return to duty, as he had assumed. He glanced around the familiar office: the SGC plaque on the wall, the prominently displayed Stars and Stripes. He took a breath. "What's up, General?"

"What's the nature of your relationship with Doctor Daniel Jackson?" The question was blunt.

_Oh, shit._ Jack felt the inevitable chasm opening up beneath him. Not daring to look down, he somehow kept his voice steady. "Daniel? He's a valued member of my team. He's probably my best friend ... "

"Don't lie to me, Colonel."

Smoothly, as if it was what he had intended to say all along, Jack added, "He's also my lover, sir. But you already know that, or you wouldn't have asked."

The General was silent for a moment. Then, his expression utterly neutral, utterly professional, he said, "Colonel O'Neill, on your last off-world mission you underwent a harrowing experience. According to Doctor Fraiser it is unlikely you are fully recovered. I would like you to tell me that this is a result of that experience."

Jack was no fool. He hadn't risen so high in the Air Force without learning how the system worked. He saw, instantly, the implications of Hammond's statement. It gave him an excuse. A way out.

For the briefest possible moment, Jack was tempted to take it. But that was the coward's way. It was shallow, and demeaning to both himself, and Daniel. He drew a breath.

"No, sir. It is not." Five words. Five words that ended his career.

***

Teal'c looked at the symbols on the computer screen. "I do not recognise it as Goa'uld," he said finally.

"But it _is_ ancient Egyptian," Daniel confirmed. "From the period we believe the Goa'uld - or rather, Ra - ruled in Egypt."

"Then I do not understand," Teal ' c said, confessing defeat.

Sam was frowning. "Neither do I, Daniel. What is it you think you've found?"

"Well ... " Daniel adjusted his glasses nervously. "What if the Goa'uld weren't the only aliens around back then? We've already identified Thor's race, and there's that other alien, too, the one I met on P3X-866. I've been thinking about the myths, and I think, maybe ... "

***

The story hadn't taken long to tell. Jack hadn't seen the point in lying, not now. He'd held a lot back, though - details that were no one's business but his - but he had been truthful.

General Hammond rose from his chair and walked over to the window that overlooked the Stargate. "I suppose I should thank you for being honest," he said.

Jack hesitated, waiting to be sure Hammond had no more to say. "General, if you don't mind me asking, sir, how did you find out?"

The General turned back to face him. "I saw you together. Yesterday, in Doctor Jackson's lab."

Jack's eyes widened. _Saw_ them? Okay, so they shouldn't have been kissing anywhere on the base, but the door had been closed! He wasn't that stupid. Then he remembered. _O'Neill, you are an idiot. _ The damned door was half glass.

Hammond added, "Unfortunately, Colonel, I wasn't alone. I don't have a great deal of choice in this matter."

Jack already knew that. "What happens now, sir?" he asked. But he already knew the answer.

As Daniel had known the answer, right from the beginning. _ "Wake up and smell the coffee, would you, **Colonel**? There can't be an 'us '. If anyone found out - anyone - you'd be dishonourably discharged quicker than you can say 'court martial' ... " _ ... Daniel always had a way with words.

***

" ... And from those myths come two major religions of our world today: Judaism and Christianity. So I see two possibilities," Daniel concluded. "Teal'c, you've spoken of a group of Goa'uld who oppose the System Lords."

"The Tok'ra."

"Right. That could be what we're seeing here. Or else it's another alien race, opposed to the Goa'uld, with something like their level of technology."

"In either case, a valuable ally." Teal'c, ever the warrior, drew the obvious conclusion first.

"Right," Daniel agreed. Though, in all honesty, he had been more interested in the historical implications. He glanced up as the door opened. "Jack," he smiled, by way of greeting.

"I hate to break up the party," Jack said, not smiling, "but we have to go, Daniel."

"Go where? Jack, this could be important ... "

"Daniel for once in your life don't argue!" Jack snapped, much more harshly than he had intended. "It'll still be here tomorrow. Now, please, let's go."

Confused, Daniel followed him. At Jack's request, he drove them home. But they didn't make it all the way to Jack's place. Just before they reached town, Daniel pulled up at the side of the road. He parked the car and turned to Jack. "What's going on?"

"General Hammond knows you and I are lovers." They were the first words Jack had spoken since they left the base.

Daniel, for once, was speechless. Eventually he managed, "And ... ?"

Jack gave him his best don't-play-dumb look. "And what? You _know_ Daniel." The silence grew strained. Jack broke it. "The official policy is ‘don't ask, don't tell' . As long as we kept our relationship secret, there wasn't a problem. It's not secret any more."

Flatly, Daniel said, "He fired you. Just like that?" He leaned back into the headrest, trying to take this in. Just a few hours before life had been getting back to normal.

"Pretty much," Jack agreed.

Daniel looked at him suddenly. "What about me?" Shit, that sounded selfish.

Jack shook his head. "Not yet. I think that's going to be up to you."

Daniel frowned, not understanding.

Jack sighed. "Daniel, it's almost lunchtime. I want something to eat and I want a couple of beers. Then we can talk, okay?"

Reluctantly, Daniel started the car again.

***

Jack opened a beer for himself and offered a bottle to Daniel. Daniel declined with a gesture, turning back to check the cooking. It would take about twenty minutes more, he judged. He felt the heat of Jack's body at his back an instant before Jack put his arms around Daniel's waist, nuzzling into the curve of his neck. Daniel turned around in Jack's arms and kissed him. He tasted of beer.

"Will you tell me what happened now?" Daniel asked.

"Yeah." Jack released Daniel and stepped back, leaning against the breakfast bar. He took a long drink from his beer bottle. "Hammond didn't exactly spell it out, Daniel, but he was giving me a chance. He asked me if all this was the result of what happened on Nemesis." Another sip of beer. "I could have claimed I was under the influence of Angel, thrown you out of my life and nothing more would have been said. A note on my record, maybe a formal reprimand. Nothing serious. I wouldn't take it, Daniel. I couldn't. I told him the truth."

"And what did he say?"

"That the only thing keeping me out of jail is that you're not military." Jack turned away, placing his empty bottle on the breakfast bar behind him.

"That's so unfair!" Daniel burst out. "What have we done that's so wrong?" The idea that Jack could have been _jailed_ just for loving him! It was frightening. Even though he'd known the rules before they got involved.

Jack turned back to him then, his expression grave. "Not _us_, Daniel. Me. _I_ did wrong. And I knew it. I should be in a cell right now awaiting court martial and, frankly, Hammond would have been right to do it."

"I don't understand," said Daniel helplessly. He was never going to understand the military.

Jack pulled a chair out from under the breakfast bar. Daniel sat on it. "Daniel, it's not just because I'm screwing another man. It's because that man is _you_. You're a member of my team, someone under my direct command. For us to be involved is against regulations and there are good reasons for those rules. I knew the first night we were together what I was risking. I love you. I took a gamble. I lost."

Daniel nodded, understanding finally. "What about me?" he asked. He knew how selfish that sounded. But it wasn't his job he was thinking about. With his qualifications and experience, he could always find work. He was thinking about the shape of their future.

Jack seemed to realise that. "You get to keep your job, Daniel. And your place on SG-1, if you want it."

"It's that easy?" Daniel asked him, disbelieving.

"For you, it is. I made a deal."

"You _what_? Jack, you can't give up all this just for me - "

Jack interrupted, raising his voice just a fraction. "I'm not. Daniel, you _must_ understand this. My choices were leave quietly, or fight and lose." He sighed heavily. Daniel started to reach out for him and Jack pulled his lover into a hug. "My career is over, Danny. Nothing's going to change that. If I try to fight, I just force Hammond to court martial me, and everything that's happened lately would come out. _Everything_. Drug abuse. Rape. Even if I wasn't found guilty, I'd never get a security clearance again. I couldn't work at the SGC. _And_ the same would apply to you, Danny. You're gay and you've concealed the fact. That makes you a security risk."

"But that's - "

Jack silenced Daniel with two fingers on his lips, and then replaced those fingers with a kiss. "Danny ... " he whispered, against the younger man's mouth. "Ssh." They kissed again. Jack felt Daniel's tongue gently probe his, and he knew he had made the right choice. Nothing, nothing at all, would induce him to give up this man. He slid his hands down Daniel's back, and Daniel, supported by the chair, lifted his legs to encircle Jack's waist, a parody of lovemaking not lost on him. He moaned into his lover's mouth, suddenly hungry for more. But there was more that had to be said, and reluctantly he pulled away from the kiss.

Daniel simply looked up at him, waiting. "This deal you made?" he prompted.

"Yeah. It was mostly to keep it off the record. I'm not being fired, Daniel. Officially, I'm retiring. Ill health. Which isn't a long way from the truth right now."

Daniel looked into his eyes, concerned. "Are you still hurting, Jack?" When Jack reassured him, Daniel said, "It sounds like you're just giving up."

"No. It's just the best of a crap list of choices, that's all." He looked down, not sure how to continue. "Daniel, I spent ... when I was married to Sara, she never really forgave me for putting the Air Force first. Never understood that the work I was doing _was_ my way of putting her and ... and Charlie first."

Daniel's forehead creased in a frown; he didn't see why Jack would bring that up, now.

"Our marriage was over before I met you, Danny. We weren't divorced then, but it was over. And then I met you. I was half in love with you already when we left you on Abydos."

"Jack ... " Daniel couldn't believe that. He knew what Jack had thought of him back then.

"Let me finish," Jack begged. "What I'm saying - and I'm not good at this, damn it! - is that my priorities have changed since then. I lost Charlie. I lost Sara. I lost Skaara. I am _not _going to lose you. The Air Force, my country, this whole damned planet can go to hell. _You're _ the most important thing in my life, Daniel. I don't regret anything."

He kissed Daniel, intending to make it brief, but Daniel had other ideas. He held Jack's head between his hands, keeping their mouths joined, putting all the love and passion he could into that kiss. He knew Jack loved him, but this ...

Daniel was crying, but he didn't realise it until Jack lovingly kissed away his tears. One kiss became several. And several more.

Daniel found he was lying back across the breakfast bar, his shirt and T-shirt gone, Jack's hand fumbling at Daniel's trousers while his mouth worked its way down his chest. Daniel had no recollection of moving, no idea how long they'd been locked in passion. "Jack, the food ... " he protested reluctantly.

"Let it burn," Jack growled hoarsely. His mouth moved to Daniel's neck, his teeth teasing the sensitive flesh. His other hand opened Daniel's trousers at last and slipped inside, fingers sliding across Daniel's erection. "I'd rather feast on you, anyway." Jack added.

His mouth was going to leave bruises. The pain wasn't bad, but it was enough to bring a thread of panic into Daniel's mind. "Jack, please ... " No, that was no good; Daniel could hear his own voice roughened with desire. He tried again. "Stop, Jack!" Better. A bit more forceful, that.

And finally Jack pulled away, meeting Daniel ' s eyes, confused.

"It's not that I don't want you, Jack," Daniel tried to explain. "But you've _got_ to control this ... "

Jack was away from him as fast as if he'd been burned. "God, Daniel, I'm sorry." He turned away, covering his eyes with his hands.

"It's okay." Daniel started to get up, sitting on the edge of the breakfast bar. He was aware that he was still hard, evidence enough that he hadn't been objecting too strongly. "Nothing happened, Jack."

Jack spun round to face him. "I was _this_ close!"

"But you stopped when I said stop," Daniel reminded him firmly. He jumped down from the breakfast bar. "That's what matters. I trust you, Jack." Reaching out tentatively, he pulled his lover into his arms. Jack hugged him back, hard.

It was at about that point that they both became aware of something burning.

***

"What would you do if you weren't working at the SGC?"

"Hypothetically?"

"Yeah." Jack nodded. They were in Jack's living room. Jack was sitting at one end of the couch, Daniel lay on his back along its length, his head resting in Jack's lap, his eyes closed. The remains of their barely-salvaged meal lay on the coffee table in front of them.

Jack, to clarify the question, added, "Suppose they closed down the project, or something?"

"I'd go back to academia," Daniel answered at once. "Prove my theories about ancient cultures."

"You can't do that!"

Daniel opened his eyes and looked up at Jack. "Why not?"

"Aside from the fact that you'd bore me to death?" Jack smiled, making it clear that that was meant as a joke. "You're talking about publishing classified material."

"No I'm not," Daniel protested. He could see Jack didn't follow. He sat up and tried to explain. "I'm not talking about telling the world that the old gods were alien parasites. Jack ... I know this stuff doesn't interest you. But history is all about evidence. Before I met Catherine, all I had was questions. A handful of facts that just didn't fit the accepted view. _Now_ I know the answers to a lot of those questions. I know where to look for the proof I need. Forget the Goa'uld: all I need to do is prove what the Pyramids really were. Or ... remember where we found Hathor's sarcophagus? With just a little money and not too much distraction, I could have enough evidence in six months to get a grant worth ten years."

Jack was smiling at him, as indulgently as if Daniel was a child playing with a favourite toy.

"Sorry," Daniel muttered.

"You're amazing." Jack kissed him. "I didn't follow half of that, but I love the way you get carried away, sometimes. Just ... save a little of that passion for me, would you?"

"My pleasure," Daniel told him.

Before he could act on that, though, Jack asked seriously, "Daniel, is that what you want to do? The choice is there, you know. You _can_ resign."

"Is that what you want me to do, Jack?"

"No. But it's an option."

"Are you sure? I know it won't be easy for you if I stay on there."

No, it wouldn't be easy. How would it feel to try to live a "normal" life? How would it feel to kiss Daniel goodbye each morning, knowing that within a few hours he could be on a different planet, frequently in mortal danger? How hard would it be to live with Daniel, knowing all that? Very, very hard, Jack knew. It wasn't something he was prepared for, just yet.

But there was another issue, more important, perhaps, than Jack's feelings. "It's going to be rough whatever we do, Daniel. But I want you to keep your job if you can. We both know how important the project is, and they need you there. And ... " Jack hesitated, but it had to be said, " ... so does Sha're."

Daniel closed his eyes briefly, _Sha're ... _"But there's another issue, too, Jack," he said slowly. "Whether or not I _want_ to work in a place that would do this to you."

***

#### The Next Morning

Daniel waited impatiently outside the door of General Hammond's office. Hammond was debriefing SG-9 after a successful off-world mission. The diplomatic team, Daniel remembered. Well, diplomacy was the last thing on his mind at the moment. It hadn't really come home to him until this morning. This morning, when he left for work alone.

There had been two boxes in the trunk of his car: Jack had cleared the house of everything he had related to the Stargate project: old mission reports, a few photographs, and briefings he had brought home and forgotten to return. Anything and everything that might be considered classified material.

When General Hammond appeared he didn't seem surprised to see Daniel waiting.

"I want to talk to you," Daniel told him bluntly. "Now. Sir."

Hammond opened his door calmly and walked inside. His gesture invited Daniel to follow. "Have a seat, Doctor Jackson."

Daniel closed the office door behind them and approached the big desk, but he didn't sit. He placed the envelope he was carrying in front of the General. Jack's formal resignation. Jack had been fighting to hold back tears when he wrote it. It had been as close as he had come to admitting his real feelings about all this. Daniel, respecting Jack's need for privacy, hadn't pushed him to talk about it. But the sight of his lover's misery had made him very angry.

He kept his eyes on the General, waiting until the man's gaze came up from the envelope to meet his own. The anger flared white-hot and he _had_ to speak.

"I thought about walking out of here," he said coldly. "I _should_ just quit. I never realised love was a court-martial offence." He gave Hammond no chance to respond. "Then, I thought, that's probably what you'd like me to do. Take myself away so you can sweep this little embarrassment under the rug." His tone was contemptuous. Daniel had dealt with this particular prejudice all his adult life, and he was used to holding back his feelings. Not this time. If it had only affected him, he might have backed off. He was angry because of what Hammond had done to _Jack._

"Well, I'm not going to quit, _Sir_. I don't care who knows what I am, or who I spend my nights with. Try to fire me for being gay, and you will just _love_ my lawyer." That was an empty threat, but Hammond wouldn't know that. "I'm going to be here, every single day, General. I hope seeing me around will remind you what you've done to a good man."

Daniel turned and walked out, just barely restraining himself from slamming the door.


	3. Chapter 3

#### A few weeks later

There was a distinct chill in the night air. Jack, from the roof of his house, could see the stars clearly: thousands of pinpoints of twinkling light. Putting his eye to the telescope revealed even more. From thousands the number became hundreds of billions. And beyond what he could see, there were yet more stars out there. Infinite planets, infinite worlds. He had visited a bare handful of them.

Right at that moment, however, his focus was on just one. His interest in astronomy was many years older than his involvement in the Stargate Project. More than two years before, on his return from the Abydos mission, Jack had spent some time working out exactly where in the night sky that other Stargate was. He had no idea if it would even be visible from Earth. But there, a little to the left of familiar Orion, a binary star system shone brightly. Right or wrong, Jack would probably never be sure. It wasn't important. In his mind, that was Abydos.

Abydos, where Daniel was, now.

_I should be with him_, Jack thought again, remembering.

Conscious of security issues, Jack did his best to discourage Daniel from talking about work at home. In many ways it didn't matter: Jack's security clearance hadn't been revoked, and he did, after all, know all about the SGC anyway. But the Stargate Project was classified "Need to Know" ... and technically a retired Colonel didn't need to know.

It could be hard to shut Daniel up, sometimes, though. Nevertheless, they both tried. After a while, they had managed to work out a compromise: "planet of the week" talk was banned, but Danny could tell him what was going on around the base, and there was no reason not to talk about past missions.

Those ground-rules meant that Daniel's announcement that he was returning to Abydos had come completely out of the blue.

"I promised to go back after a year," Daniel had reminded him. "You were there, Jack. Don't you remember?"

"Sure I do." Jack pushed the "on" button on the coffee maker and turned back to face Daniel. "But it's been way more than a year, Danny-boy. I thought you told 'em to bury their Gate if you didn't make the deadline."

"I did. That's why I have to go now. Jack, a year on Abydos is about eighteen months on Earth."

Jack frowned, counting months in his head. "So it has been about a year."

"Exactly a year. Tomorrow."

"And you're going back." Jack had to try really hard to keep his feelings out of his voice. "Without Sha're?"

Daniel nodded. "I owe it to her father. He ... he should be told what's happened to her ... and to Skaara."

The coffee filter gurgled loudly. Jack, glad of the distraction, turned to face it, reaching for a couple of mugs. He didn't like to be reminded of that. Skaara was dead. Jack had killed him to save Daniel, then the sarcophagus restored him, and Jack killed him again. Along with Apophis, when he and SG-1 had stopped the invasion of Earth. For all they knew, Sha're had been on one of those ships, too.

Daniel slid his arms around Jack's waist from behind, holding him close and resting his cheek against Jack's shoulder. "I know," he said quietly.

Jack poured coffee and turned around as Daniel released him. "Danny, you don't know what you'll find there. The Goa'uld could be ... "

"I won't be alone, Jack. Teal'c's coming with me."

"_Just_ Teal'c?" Jack asked. _Oops. Too sharp, there._

Daniel was silent. Jack knew that no matter how many times he said he'd forgiven Daniel, the knowledge of betrayal still hurt. After a moment, Daniel looked up, as if he'd had to steel himself to meet Jack's eyes. "Yeah. Just Teal'c. Sam and Major Redmond are in Washington, remember?"

"I remember." Jack smiled inwardly. The man who had taken over command of SG-1 was always 'Major Redmond' to Daniel, never ‘Mike'. That made it only two people at the SGC who Daniel always spoke of by rank, never by name. The other was General Hammond. Daniel met his eyes again and suddenly Jack wasn't smiling. "This is going to be rough on you, isn't it?"

Daniel nodded again. "I'm not looking forward to it. Sha're and Skaara were Khasuf's only children. He'll probably blame me." He sighed heavily, taking a sip of hot coffee. "I'll be alright."

Jack took the mug from him, placing it and his own on the table. He lifted Daniel's chin with one hand and kissed him. "You sure?"

Daniel returned the kiss, melting into Jack's arms.

But he hadn't answered the question, Jack remembered.

He sighed, looking up at the star he'd dubbed Abydos. "I'm thinking of you, Danny," Jack said aloud.

***

#### Next Day

The car didn't pull into the driveway. Sam parked at the kerb, turning to Daniel with a sympathetic look. "Are you going to be okay?" she asked him. Her hand rested lightly on his arm.

Daniel nodded, not speaking. He released his seatbelt and stepped out of the car. He stood at the end of the driveway, watching Sam's car until she turned the corner out of sight.

_Okay?_ He couldn't remember what okay felt like. Right at that moment, he just felt numb. He walked up to the front door, slowly, feeling like he was walking through water or something: each step was an effort. He let himself in. There was no immediate sign of Jack. Slightly relieved by that, Daniel headed into the lounge and collapsed onto the couch, covering his face with his hands.

He didn't know what was bothering him the most. His shoulder still ached. Janet had assured him it was only bruised, but still ... it hurt. Not as much as the memories, though.

"Daniel?" It was Jack's voice, from behind him. Daniel felt too tired even to turn around. "Daniel!" Jack said, more sharply. Daniel looked up.

"Danny?" Jack's face had worry written all over it. "Christ, Danny, what is it? What's wrong?"

Jack's near panic made Daniel stir a little. He managed to get to his feet and took a few steps toward his lover. "I'm okay, Jack."

"Like hell you are. Are you hurt?"

"No ... Well, I wrenched my shoulder but I'll mend." Daniel started to rub at the shoulder then gasped as he found himself held - crushed - in a huge hug.

"You had me worried," Jack said, the words whispered against Daniel's neck. As Daniel squirmed in his arms, he let go of him, reluctantly.

"We should talk, Jack."

"Sounds serious." Jack took in Daniel's weary eyes and his slumped shoulder. It looked like the kid was on the edge of collapsing. Softly, he asked, "Was it _that_ rough?"

Daniel looked up at Jack, his clear blue eyes showing only pain. "Jack, I ... we ... found Sha're."

***

Jack, braced for bad news, had not in a million years expected _that_. Just those few words started a riot of emotion in his heart ... a lot of it selfish, some not. He had no idea what to say, so he ended up saying nothing. He just waited for Daniel. After a few seconds of silence, Daniel returned to the couch. Jack joined him there and finally, Daniel started to speak.

Revelation piled upon revelation as Daniel told the story. Sha're, alive and herself on Abydos. Pregnant with Apophis' child. Hunted by Apophis' enemies. Daniel had delivered her son himself as they hid and he had watched as she was stolen from him again, the Goa'uld within her taking control once more.

Finally, the attempt to bargain with Heru'ur for their escape through the Stargate. And Daniel told Jack of the end of it all, when Apophis had appeared to claim his queen.

"Apophis is dead," Jack insisted. "We killed him."

"Apparently not. I don't know how, Jack, but it _was_ him. And Sha're ... " he broke off.

Jack, holding Daniel tight against him, could think of nothing to say. Nothing that wasn't trite, anyway. He said nothing, just held Daniel, hoping that would be enough.

"She ... she looked right at us, Jack. Then she turned away from me and went with him."

Jack slid his fingers beneath Daniel's chin and gently lifted his face. Daniel had tears in his eyes. Carefully, Jack removed Daniel's glasses, placing them safely on the table beside them. Then he slowly, lovingly brushed Daniel's tears away. He hated to see Daniel upset. Yet at the same time, this was one of the many things he loved about Daniel: how deeply the young man was able to feel. Stroking Daniel's cheek with his thumb, Jack leaned forward and kissed him, taking his time, savouring it.

"Daniel." When he spoke, Jack found his voice was unsteady with desire. Ruthlessly, he clamped a lid on that: he might have been a few days without it, but Daniel needed a different part of him at the moment. "Daniel," he said again, "do you really think Sha're had a choice? You know that ... "

Daniel's fingers covered Jack's lips, cutting off his words. "Jack, I know the difference. She looked at me. She met my eyes. It was Sha're."

"I don't see how that's possible ... "

"Wouldn't you know, if it was me, Jack?" Daniel challenged. "Don't you think you could tell if it was me, or some _creature_ looking out through my eyes?"

Tempted to retort without thinking, Jack bit his tongue. Surely Daniel wasn't serious? They both knew what the Goa'uld were capable of. Because he owed it to his lover, Jack gave the question serious consideration. He remembered his confrontation with Klorel aboard the ship on its way to Earth. The difference between Klorel's demeanour, and Skaara's had been dramatic. Then again, it had taken a zat-blast to do it ... not really a true comparison. Skaara wasn't the only friend Jack had lost that way, however.

Kawalsky. It was a memory Jack kept buried. Now, he deliberately dug it out, remembered those events. To begin with, Jack, like everyone else, had seen a stark difference between the real Kawalsky, and the Goa'uld that held him hostage. But after the operation, when they believed they had successfully removed the Goa'uld, it had fooled them all. Only Teal'c, somehow, had known.

Looking back, Jack could remember details that might have warned him. Hindsight was a wonderful thing. No ... whether or not he'd noticed at the time, Daniel was at least partly right. There had been differences. If he could say that about Kawalsky, whom he knew as a close friend, but _only_ as a friend, what if it did happen to Daniel? To his lover?

Jack shuddered. He didn't even want to consider the possibility. He'd come too close to losing Daniel already.

"Jack?" Daniel prompted.

Jack frowned, wondering how long he'd been silent. Finally, he answered Daniel's question. "I don't know, Danny. I hope I'd know the difference. I'm sure I would ... with a touch, or a kiss. But just a look? I really don't know."

"Well, I know," Daniel insisted stubbornly.

Still distracted by the unpleasant memories Daniel's question had raised, Jack felt the other man's tension and answered more sharply than he had intended: "Let's say you're right. What are you suggesting, Danny? That Sha're _wants_ to be what they've made her? You've got to be kidding. Isn't it possible that she did the only thing she could to save your life?"

Daniel shrugged, obviously not convinced. He lowered his head, resting against Jack's chest, but he said nothing more.

Jack tried to relax, but the subject wasn't closed. He could tell something was still bugging Daniel. Jack silently cursed Hammond. He, Jack, should have been with Daniel on this one. Okay, that would have made it harder in some ways, ut Danny needed him, damn it! He should have been there.

"Remember how we met?" Daniel asked him quietly.

It took Jack a second to realise Daniel was still talking about Sha're. Jack smiled. If Daniel was focussing on better memories it was a good sign. "Yeah, I do," he told him.

"She was given to me," Daniel went on. "Because I was wearing Catherine's amulet. Ra's amulet."

Jack remembered. As introductions go, impersonating a god, even unintentionally, wasn't the best way to begin. He had been furious with Daniel when he had realised what was going on.

"It was their gift, Jack, but it was actually her idea. And by their customs, Sha're and I were married the moment I accepted her."

Jack smiled. "You do have that effect on people, Danny. And you've got to admit, there's something to be said for the direct approach."

"You don't get it, do you?" Daniel sat up suddenly.

_Obviously not_ ... Jack looked at Daniel: his lover's eyes were still red from his tears. "I think you're five steps ahead of me again. Back up and start over. What's your point?"

"She wanted to be the bride of a god. Now she is."

While Jack was still trying to make some sense of that one, Daniel stood up and walked away.

***

The clock beside the bed read 0308 in glowing green figures. Jack lay awake, listening to the breathing of his lover in the bed beside him. He had been watching that clock for hours. Daniel was asleep, at last, but not peacefully. In the faint glow the streetlights cast through the curtains, Jack could see Daniel's face. He was frowning in his sleep.

Jack reached out and brushed a lock of Daniel's hair out of his eyes. He was worried, _very_ worried about him. At Jack's touch, Daniel's head turned slightly toward him. He mumbled something in his sleep. Jack moved closer, taking Daniel into his arms, careful not to disturb his sleep. Daniel moaned softly and Jack held him tighter.

On nights like this, Daniel could seem very young.

They hadn't made love that night. Daniel wasn't in the mood and it didn't even occur to Jack to try to persuade him otherwise. It was obviously going to take some time for Daniel to work through this one. Jack understood ... or believed he did.

_Jack ... I ... we found Sha're._

Sha're. Jack remembered her surprisingly well. Stunningly beautiful, outwardly shy, yet with a core of intelligence and determination that had showed itself early on in her pursuit of Daniel. Whatever her reasons for wanting him, she had seen what she wanted, gone after it, and got it.

Sha're had been as instrumental as Skaara and the other kids in saving Jack and the rest of his team from Ra's forces. It was easy to forget that, but without her help, they would never have made it home.

He remembered seeing her again when he had returned to Abydos a year later. The way she had kissed Daniel in front of everyone ...

_She knew!_ The realisation hit Jack like a thunderbolt. He looked down at the man sleeping in his arms. _My god, Danny. Did you **tell** her that you wanted me? Or did she just have you figured out ... like women do._ Knowing Daniel's innate honesty, knowing (he was privileged to know) how much Daniel loved a man's body; Daniel couldn't have hidden those things from his wife. Sha're had been a virgin when she married Daniel, but she must have been aware that there was something missing, even if she didn't have the experience to know what.

And when Jack turned up on Abydos again ...

_Ah, Danny, you do a great job of **pretending** to talk about stuff, don't you? _That insight - and Jack knew, now he had thought of it, that he was correct - made some sense of why Daniel was so ready to believe Sha're had knowingly left him. And Daniel hadn't told him. Again. Daniel could seem totally open about his past, especially with Jack, but the man had barriers Jack was only just beginning to recognise. In his way, he was even more reticent than Jack could be. At least, about his deepest feelings.

_We make quite a pair, don't we? I guess we have more in common than I thought._

Daniel shifted in Jack's arms, pushing him away.

"Danny?" Jack said softly. He shifted, not releasing his hold on Daniel. Danny was dreaming, and it didn't look like a good one. He ran a hand lightly down Daniel's arm, hoping to wake him without too much trauma. "Daniel," he whispered.

Daniel came awake in his arms, suddenly, hitting out.

"Woah, Danny!" Jack cried out as Daniel's flailing arm struck his face.

"Let me go!"

Jack obeyed and backed off, fast. "Daniel, it's okay. You were dreaming." He spoke as softly as he could.

Daniel sat up in bed, covering his face with his hands. He had his back to Jack; Jack could see his shoulders shaking. He reached out tentatively to touch his lover's shoulder. As he made contact, Daniel turned to face him. A moment later he was sobbing in Jack's arms.

Jack held his lover awkwardly, feeling more helpless than usual. He never did have a clue in these situations. Daniel's obvious distress troubled him. It seemed like more than Sha're.

Eventually, when Daniel's tears dried up, Jack gently urged him out of bed. It was what Daniel had done for him on many nights while Jack was coping with the Angel withdrawal. Neither of them spoke as Jack led Daniel into the kitchen. He poured milk into a saucepan, set it heating and added flaked chocolate.

"You're supposed to add the milk to the chocolate," Daniel told him with a weak smile.

"This way's quicker." Jack finished what he was doing, poured the hot chocolate into a mug and set it in front of Daniel. He watched the younger man take a sip. "Okay, Danny. Give. What didn't you tell me?"

Daniel sipped at the chocolate again, and then looked up at Jack. "Every time I try to talk about work, you cut me off." It was an accusation.

Jack was silent for a moment. "I know," he admitted. "I'm sorry, Daniel, but I've lived with keeping things secret for ... "

Daniel interrupted. "But you _have_ clearance, Jack! Even if you don't still work there, you know all about the Stargate. What's the big deal?"

"I have clearance, yes. Not the "Need To Know" qualification." Jack spoke gently. He knew how alien all this must seem to Daniel. "But, Danny, you're having nightmares so bad you nearly broke my cheekbone, so I think I need to know. Talk to me." He sat down next to his lover, reaching up a hand to cup the other man's face. "Please?"

Daniel moved away from Jack's touch. It was a subtle movement, apparently accidental. Jack dropped his hand. Daniel took another gulp of chocolate. Slowly he looked up and met Jack's eyes. "They died."

Jack frowned. "Huh? Who died?"

"Everyone." Daniel stood and walked over to the window, cradling the empty mug in his hands. He stared out into the darkness. "After I left Sha're's baby with Khasuf, Teal'c and I had to figure out a way to get to the Gate. It was surrounded by Heru'ur's Jaffa. Teal'c had an idea ... it was kinda crazy but we didn't have a lot of choice."

Jack understood. "Teal'c was still dressed as one of them, right? I can guess what he tried to do."

"I ... pretended to be his prisoner ... and ... " Daniel couldn't go on.

Jack stood, hugging Daniel from behind. Daniel was shaking. "Hey, Danny, it's okay."

"He was going to kill me," Daniel went on, quietly. "Then the Gate started to power up. Heru'ur was distracted and we ran for it. I heard Heru'ur say it was Apophis coming. As soon as the wormhole opened his Jaffa started shooting. But ... Jack, it ... it wasn't Apophis. It was ... "

"Someone from Earth?"

Daniel nodded. "SG-5. And Sam. Jack, it was ... a slaughter. Teal'c and I were hiding in an alcove. But I didn't _want_ to hide, Jack! I wanted to help them. Teal'c held me back, he wouldn't let me ... " Daniel's voice broke as his eyes filled with tears again.

Jack held him close. Daniel _had_ to be leaving a lot out. Jack _knew_ Teal'c. He knew that if the Jaffa hadn't gone to the aid of his comrades, there was a damned good reason. Something Daniel hadn't seen, perhaps. Or maybe it was just Daniel that was the reason. All jealousy aside, Jack was thankful Daniel still had someone out there watching his back.

"What happened?" he asked, by now dreading the answer.

"I ... we watched Heru'ur leave: he left using those transport rings so he must have had a ship in orbit. Teal'c let me go. I was on my way to the Gate when the Gate started to power up again."

"That's when Apophis came through."

"Yeah," Daniel nodded. "After he and ... and Sha're had gone, we went out to the Gate. It was too late to help them, Jack. It was ... "

"Don't," Jack said quietly. He couldn't bear to hear a description of the scene. He knew first hand the damage Goa'uld staff weapons could do, and Daniel was talking about the deaths of men he knew. Friends.

Daniel continued, "Sam was with them, but she was okay. Just bruises and a mild concussion. Everyone else ... we brought everyone home. Major Keane was ... he was alive when we reached the SGC, but Janet couldn't save him. She said, ... " He pulled away from Jack suddenly. "She said he might never have woken up again even if ... "

Jack couldn't move. The scene in the Abydos chamber flashed into his mind as clearly as if he had been there himself. Pain clenched his guts. He knew Keane well. "You should have told me before," he said flatly.

"I _couldn't_! Jack, I'm sorry. I know he was your friend, but I ... "

The distress in Daniel's voice helped Jack push his own pain into a corner. He could deal with his own issues later. Taking a deep breath, he focussed on Daniel. He walked up to him, taking the young man's hand. "Danny, why are you beating yourself up over this? It wasn't your fault."

"Wasn't it?" Daniel demanded vehemently.

Jack was taken aback. "Of course it wasn't! Why would you think ... "

"If I hadn't insisted on going back to Abydos ... "

Suddenly it was clear. "Is that what you think?" Jack pulled Daniel into his arms again. Daniel struggled, but only half-heartedly and not for long. Jack just held him firmly until he relaxed. Against Daniel's hair, he said quietly, "You've got a lot to learn about military thinking, Daniel. There's no _way_ Hammond would have authorised the mission based on your personal reasons alone. The Stargate isn't your personal door to the galaxy, you know."

"What other reason was there?" Daniel asked, a little sceptical.

At least he was listening. "C'mon, let's sit down somewhere more comfortable." Jack led Daniel into his living room. They sat down together on the couch and Jack tried to explain. "Daniel, in our war against the Goa'uld, Abydos could be one of the most important contacts we've made - and not just because it was the first. I'll bet Hammond jumped at the chance to send you and Teal'c back there."

"If it was that important we'd have gone before."

"Daniel, _you_ told them to bury their Stargate after we left, remember? We couldn't go back. Besides, a year ago we didn't know how important Abydos is. Have you really not figured it out?"

"Abydos is important to _me_, Jack. It's home ... or it was."

Jack's reply stuck in his throat. How did Daniel do that? Talk about a conversation-stopper. He just looked at Daniel, afraid to go on.

Daniel glanced up and met his eyes. His forehead was creased in a slight frown. "I'm sorry. You were trying to tell me something ... ?"

Jack shook his head. "Nothing that can't wait. We're both tired. Maybe we should just ... "

"No!" said Daniel quickly.

Jack gave him a quizzical look.

"I'm not going to sleep again, tonight," Daniel sighed. He shifted position on the couch, leaning against Jack's shoulder. Then he glanced up at him again. "I guess there's no reason we should _both_ lose sleep. If you'd rather go to bed ... "

Jack knew that look - and he fell for it every time. "Oh, for crying out loud, Daniel! Who else are you going to talk to?" He brushed Daniel's wayward hair back from his eyes. "Do you _really_ want to talk strategy at three in the morning?"

"It might help."

"Okay." Jack turned so he could hold Daniel more comfortably - this was going to be a long night. "You should probably ask Teal'c if you really want to know this stuff. He knows more about how the System Lords operate than anyone on Earth. Come to that, _you_ know more than you give yourself credit for. You understand their society, don't you?"

It was the right question. Daniel frowned, considering what he did know. "Well, only on a basic level," he hedged. "The Goa'uld are essentially a feudal empire, but without the emperor. The closest Earth analogy is ... "

"Danny," Jack sighed, making a slicing gesture across his throat.

Daniel shut up.

Jack wasn't really complaining. He'd intended to engage Daniel's academic side with that question. It was a thing they had in common: an ability to lock personal feelings out when at work. Daniel already looked happier. Jack went on, "No one Goa'uld is in control, right? They spend as much time fighting each other as they do hitting their real enemies."

"That's what ‘Feudal' means, Jack."

Jack grinned at him. "So you couldn't just _say_ that in the first place? The point is, when we killed Ra ... "

"His territory became up for grabs," Daniel interrupted. He hesitated, thinking about that. "Of course! Abydos was Ra's naquadah mine - how could it not be important? We know Ra and Apophis were ancient rivals ... Apophis must have moved into Ra's territory after he died. That's why he came to Abydos - and to Earth - when he was looking for hosts."

Jack blinked. That was a step beyond Jack's thinking ... though it did make sense. Taking people from each planet he visited: it was like Apophis raising a flag and claiming the territory.

And Daniel wasn't finished yet. "Jack! If that's true, then Apophis is in real trouble. Sha're - I mean, Amonet - was on Abydos hiding from Apophis' enemies, and Heru'ur came looking for her. If he felt confident enough to claim Apophis' queen ... "

"Woah! Danny, slow down."

"Jack, the Ancient Egyptians invested royalty in the Queen, not the pharaoh. The ruler was the man, but his queen represented his power: without her, he was nothing. In terms of the Goa'uld, that makes sense. Remember Hathor? Heru'ur capturing Apophis' queen ... at the very least, Apophis would have lost a lot of respect. I think he must be in big trouble."

"You could be right. That's good news ... I hope. Our enemies are the System Lords, not just Apophis."

Daniel hesitated. Then his blue eyes became hard and cold as ice. "Maybe. But _my_ enemy is Apophis. He's the one who has my wife."

***

#### Two days later

There were few things Daniel disliked more than funerals. A necessary human ritual, he knew, but he hated them. He had been to too many, too young. The first had been his parents' funeral.

He waited at a distance from the other mourners, wrapped up in his own thoughts, watching Jack talking to Major Keane's widow. She was still clutching the folded flag that had lain on her husband's coffin. It was easy to forget, sometimes, that the people he worked with had lives outside the SGC. It was one of the quirks of doing classified work: people who couldn't talk about work at home frequently didn't talk about home in work. And since Jack "retired", Daniel hadn't socialised as much.

Jack broke off his conversation as General Hammond approached them. The two men exchanged a few words: Daniel couldn't hear what was said. Jack glanced in Daniel's direction, and then said what was presumably a goodbye to Mrs Keane. Jack walked away from them both.

Daniel intercepted Jack as he walked toward the road. "You okay?" Not too surprisingly, Jack didn't look happy.

Jack shrugged. "I've buried too damned many friends. Keane's eldest son was at school with Charlie. I guess I just ... "

Daniel squeezed his lover's hand, and then dropped it quickly. In a public place, to offer more than that would only cause trouble. He didn't speak: there were no words for what Jack must be feeling.

Jack sighed. "I want a quick word with Sam, then we can go. I know how you feel about funerals."

"Okay." Daniel hesitated. "How was the General?"

Jack had been about to walk away; he turned back to Daniel. "Same as always. It hurts to lose someone under your command, but Hammond doesn't show it. Daniel, I know you still blame him. It's not his fault he had to fire me."

Daniel watched Jack's back as he walked between the gravestones to where Sam and Teal'c stood. Jack was probably right about Hammond. It was true that he had done everything he could to spare Jack what could have been a huge scandal.

Right or wrong, however, Daniel couldn't shake the conviction that if Jack had still been part of the SGC, four men would still be alive.

***

#### Eight weeks later

Daniel threw himself behind the wreck of what had been their vehicle. He landed badly; pain shot up his leg and he stifled a cry of pain, reaching for his sidearm. He took a deep breath and, as he started to choke on the toxic air, wished he hadn't.

The air around them was full of smoke. Daniel raised his gun, but there was no sign of a target. "I can't see anything!" he shouted between coughs.

"Over there!" Sam called back, pointing with her gun. Daniel shifted his aim, but he still couldn't see a thing through the smoke. The flames from the wreckage only made it worse.

"Down!" Major Redmond shouted. Daniel ducked down behind the wreckage. He felt, rather than saw, Teal'c beside him, just as another laser fired over their heads.

"I can't see anyone! Can you?"

"I cannot," Teal'c replied, shifting the weight of his staff weapon.

Something in the quality of Teal'c's voice made Daniel look more closely at his friend. "Teal'c!" A dark stain marred Teal'c's uniform at the shoulder. Daniel shoved his sidearm back in its holster - he had no chance of hitting anything anyway - and tried to help Teal'c. Teal'c tried to push him away.

"Teal'c, you're wounded."

"It will wait."

"I don't think so." Daniel lifted Teal'c's shirt, careful not to get in his way as the Jaffa kept shooting into the smoke. Scarlet blood flowed over Teal'c's dark skin. Daniel winced at the sight. "It looks bad, Teal'c. Must have opened a vein." He was reaching for his medkit as he spoke, but Daniel already knew that this would was beyond his resources. "Major, we've got to move! Teal'c needs medical attention!" It was a futile demand. If there were any way out they wouldn't be in this mess.

Redmond shouted back an acknowledgement: it was enough.

Daniel heard a new sound and looked up. The world filled with light and heat, and Daniel knew no more.

***

Jack had been trying to change the tailpipe on the car. Damned thing was starting to sound like a low-flying jet ... but without the speed. Jack's hands, and what felt like every inch of bare skin, were covered with oil and he was just sliding out from under the car when he heard the doorbell. He scrambled up, narrowly avoiding a concussion, muttering a curse. Why hadn't he sent the wreck to a garage? He glanced around for a cloth and couldn't find one. With a shrug, he walked around to the front, calling out, "Over here!"

Wiping the worst of the oil off on his pants, Jack looked up to the front door. His heart almost stopped when he saw General Hammond there.

"What's happened to Daniel?" he asked at once. Jack knew Daniel was off world, but that was all he knew. The space monkey hadn't said where they were going, but that was SOP: and P2-whatever wouldn't have meant a lot to Jack anyway.

Jack always worried when Daniel was off world. The kid had a talent for getting into trouble. Hell, on his last off-world mission (a nice, safe, archaeological dig on a nice, safe, totally uninhabited planet) Daniel had been stuck there for two weeks when Earth's Stargate malfunctioned. Something to do with a black hole. Okay, so that time Daniel's life hadn't _actually_ been in danger. In fact, he'd been thrilled to get an extra two weeks digging up rocks. But Jack hadn't _known_ that!

Now for General Hammond to show up _here_ ...

"I think we should talk inside, Jack," Hammond said.

Jack glanced at the car in his driveway. The man in the drivers' seat was in uniform, as was the General. This was official business, then. Jack stifled the instinct to salute. "_When_ you answer my question. Is Daniel okay?"

"As far as I know, he's alive and in good health. That's all I'm going to say on your doorstep, Jack."

That sounded even more ominous, somehow. "You'd better come around the side," Jack relented. "The kitchen door's open." Jack led the way; the General followed. Once inside, Jack leaned back against the kitchen sink, conscious that he looked a mess. "Coffee?" he offered.

"No, thank you."

"Has something happened to Daniel?" Down to business.

"Yes."

_Shit. I hate being right._ Jack took a deep breath, trying to brace himself for bad news. "Okay. Tell me."

"SG teams one and nine were ambushed while on a mission. We seem to be facing a hostage situation, though the details aren't clear yet."

"Are you sure Daniel's alright?" Jack asked sharply. He knew he was harping on it, but Daniel _mattered_ to him, damn it!

Hammond nodded. "The information I have says he is. No one's dead yet."

"Do you trust the source?"

"Yes, I do. Colonel, how much do you know about recent events at the SGC?"

Jack considered. ‘Recent' probably meant since his retirement. "Daniel doesn't tell me much. I know how Jeff Keane died, because Daniel was pretty upset about it. But other than that ... "

Hammond nodded. "We lost a full SG team on that mission. More recently we lost SG-10 on their mission to P3W451. At the moment, three teams beside SG-1 and 9 are tied up off-world, and I have a major situation developing."

Jack said nothing. He was familiar with how tough command could be, but why was Hammond talking to _him_? "General, if there's anything I can do ... " But Jack knew, even as he spoke, that the offer was for form's sake only. He was out of the SGC. He'd done it to himself. Now he would have to stay here, impotent, while his lover was in danger.

"As I said, the full details of the situation aren't clear yet. Negotiation will not, however, be an option. So I have to send in a rescue mission. My problem is that I have no one qualified to lead it. I could bring in someone from outside the SGC, but frankly, I'd rather have a man who knows what he's getting into. A man with Special Forces experience."

Jack's heart was beating too fast. "You fired me, General. Remember?"

"As I remember it, Jack, the record says you retired. You'd been ill, but from what I can see you're fully recovered now. I'm asking if you'll accept being recalled to active duty."

"You know I will. That's my team out there!" But even as he said it, Jack hesitated. He turned away from the General and started to wash his hands. He watched the oil swirl around the sink before it vanished. He turned back, wiping his hands on a tea towel. "General Hammond ... off the record?"

"Of course."

"We both know the real reason I ‘retired'. Nothing has changed. I chose Daniel over the SGC once, and I would again. You might be better off bringing in someone else." Jack didn't need to point out that should his relationship with Daniel become public now, the record would make it obvious that Hammond knew. Jack wouldn't be the only one facing court martial.

"There is no one else, Colonel. No one who has your qualifications for this mission. Even if there was ... I'm not asking you to come back just for one job. After our recent losses, the SGC needs _you_ back on the team."

Jack barely heard the compliment. "_My_ qualifications?" he repeated, confused. He could name at least a dozen officers off the top of his head who were at least as experienced as himself. Their conversation replayed, high-speed, in his mind. Hammond had said _a man who knows what he's getting into_.

The bottom dropped out of his world. Jack felt weak, suddenly. "Christ! It's Nemesis, isn't it? Danny's a prisoner on Nemesis."

***

The conference room was unchanged. Jack paused in the doorway, taking it all in. The faces around the table were mostly familiar faces: SGC personnel. There were two men he didn't recognise, wearing what looked like a military uniform, but not Earth-military. And ...

"Colonel Jack!" Acantha jumped the moment she saw him there. She ran across the room and gave him a hug.

Jack couldn't help smiling. She was the only adult he knew who got away with behaving like a child. Gently, he disentangled himself. He was already late for this briefing; it wasn't a good idea to delay any longer. "Good to see you, kiddo," he said quietly.

Acantha hadn't changed. Her shock of red hair was still wild, currently tied back with a bright blue band. Her clothing was still patched and scruffy. As Jack spoke, her smile faded. "Jack, I'm so sorry ... "

"Not your fault, 'Cantha. We're going to bring them home."

"Colonel," General Hammond said.

Jack knew that tone of old. He took the hint and sat down. "Sorry I'm late, General."

General Hammond was seated at the head of the table. Behind him, a large board displayed a map: Jack assumed of the spaceport.

"To summarise the situation," the General said, "SG teams one and nine were on the planet we know as Nemesis. Their mission was to conclude diplomatic negotiations with the government of that world. Our people were ambushed en route to the government buildings. They are now prisoners of a criminal cartel, apparently being held as some kind of insurance." Hammond looked at Acantha. "Acantha?"

When she spoke, Acantha was no child: she was all business. "I was with them at the time of the ambush. It was well planned, which suggests the Web knew who we were and planned to hit _us_: it wasn't random. A laser cannon hit our transport. We only just got out before it blew. The entire time, we were under fire. I believe we would have escaped, but a carrier appeared overhead. None of us were protected and your people weren't prepared for the repulsion. When I came to, I was alone. By the time I reached HQ, they already knew what had happened. So I came here."

"How did they miss you, 'Cantha?" Jack asked.

"Colonel, everyone in Nemesis knows that if a carrier is flying that low, the best place to be is elsewhere. I warned the others when I saw it, but they either didn't hear or didn't understand. I ducked under the wreckage of the transport. Even there, I was knocked unconscious by the repulsion. It is possible that our attackers missed me, but I suspect I was left behind intentionally. A message for our government."

Jack nodded: that made sense. "Hostages are usually taken for a purpose. No one's told me what they want yet."

Acantha stopped talking to the room and looked directly at Jack. "It's not that simple. You must understand, Colonel, we're in the middle of a war in Nemesis. The Web have a finger in every criminal pie, but our principal concern - and theirs - is the narcotics trade."

"Angel," Jack said.

"Angel," Acantha agreed. "Those of you not from my world may not understand how serious this problem is. From what I've learned, the problems you've had with narcotics are no comparison. Angel is endemic, it is deadly, and the level of usage in Nemesis alone is at fifteen percent. That's intolerably high and we are willing to do _anything_ to shut it down. Permanently. The Web knows this, and they're desperate."

She looked again at Jack. "As you know, Colonel, our first contact with your people came about as a side-effect of our preparations for this war. The gunship _Serapis_ is now in orbit over Nemesis and she'll stay there until this is over. The spaceport will be our battlefield: that's not our choice - it's inevitable. It is our belief that your people were taken by the Web in order to discourage our direct attack."

"Human shields?" Jack asked.

Acantha nodded. "That's very precise, Colonel."

"Will that work? Will your gunship hold off?"

Acantha didn't answer but looked to the man who sat beside her. He was one of the two Jack didn't know: his uniform obviously military but his bearing was relaxed. He didn't look like a soldier: he was a young man, with long, dark hair held back in a neat ponytail.

"I'm Captain Havelock of the _Serapis_," he announced, for Jack's benefit. "We will hold out as long as possible, yes. That's SOP: to give the more sensible civilians a chance to realise this would be a good time to get out of town. But I can't say _how_ long we can hold back. Nemesis is a powder keg. My priority is to save civilian lives. If the situation on the ground gets any more volatile, I may have to consider the hostages an acceptable loss in the face of the threat Angel represents, and the possible loss of thousands of lives if I wait too long."

"Acceptable loss?" Jack repeated. This was his Daniel they were talking about! He bit his tongue on the rest of what he wanted to say. He had used terms like that himself, and believed them. Sometimes you had to sacrifice if the goal was important enough. He had sacrificed his chance to save Skaara for the sake of Earth. From Captain Havelock's point of view, this was no different, and a lot less personal.

Jack ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "You're right, of course, Captain. You don't have to sell me on the dangers of Angel. Been there, done that and got the T-shirt. You want the Web shut down permanently - I'm with you."

Captain Havelock nodded an acknowledgement.

"So, what's our timescale, here? How long do you think you can hold out?"

"A week at most."

"Then there's no time to lose. General Hammond, with your permission?"

Hammond nodded. "It's your show, Colonel."

"Thank you, General." Jack stood and moved over to the displayed map. "Acantha, when you helped SG-1 pull me out of Nemesis, you were able to supply drawings of the building. Any chance you can do so again? Do we even know where they're being held?"

"Here," Acantha told him, pointing to the map.

"You're certain?"

Havelock nodded. "The _Serapis_ has scanners a thousand times more powerful than anything on the ground in Nemesis. We know exactly where they are, Colonel. And we can supply you with detailed plans of the complex."

"Shame we can't just beam them out of there," Jack commented. A couple of people around the table smiled. "Captain," Jack went on crisply, "can we rely on you for backup or are we on our own?"

"The _Serapis_ won't interfere with your operation, Colonel. I'm here to make sure of that: I'll brief my people and Tactical command to make sure no one gets in your way. I can provide second line support and I will provide extraction. But if we give you overt help - weapons or troops - we might ignite the riots we're trying to avoid. As your General said, it's your show, Colonel."

"Good enough. I'll need a good look at those plans. And I'm hearing a lot of politics here. I could use a more complete briefing on what's really going on down there."

"I can help you with that," Acantha offered.

"Great." Jack turned back to the table. "It's going to be a log day, people. Ten minutes for coffee, or whatever and then we'll get down to work."

***

"I'll be fine," Major Kovacek insisted.

The words were barely a whisper and Daniel ignored them. His hand on Kovacek's skin told a different story. His forehead was clammy with sweat, and he was running a fever.

"Stay quiet, Stan," Daniel said softly. "Doctor's orders." It was a weak attempt at humour: no one smiled.

"How is he?" Sam asked. She had taken over what they laughingly called "guard duty": standing by the door in case their captors turned up with guns instead of food. They all knew they had to be prepared, though none of them could have said for what.

Daniel looked up at her, his eyes betraying his concern. "He's burning up, Sam. He needs a doctor." It was the same answer he had given an hour ago. Daniel returned his attention to Kovacek. Stan had been closest to the transport when it exploded. The wounds he had taken from the shrapnel weren't serious, but they had gone untreated for too long. Now infection had set in. Daniel knew basic first aid - they all did - but with no equipment this was beyond him.

As Teal'c's injury had been. They didn't even know where Teal'c was. Daniel had no memory of their capture. All of them had pooled what they _could_ recall, but it wasn't much. Daniel remembered losing consciousness when a craft of some sort had appeared overhead. That was it. Apparently, whatever it was had knocked them all out. They had awakened in this room: a high-ceilinged but windowless chamber, and all of them had been here. All but Teal'c and Acantha. Daniel hoped that meant they'd both escaped, but Teal'c had been losing blood fast. It was a thin hope.

He looked up at Sam again, saying helplessly, "I wish ... "

She met his look sympathetically. "Jack?" she asked.

Daniel didn't answer.

***

Daniel's office at the SGC held so much of his personality, Jack almost expected him to walk in at any moment. Books lined the shelves, haphazardly arranged. Papers were piled up on the desk, apparently at random, but Jack knew Daniel would be able to instantly put his hand on any one. He had some secret system for making his filing appear chaotic. Jack had come here to try and compose himself before returning to the briefing. It was not going well. So far they had figured out fifty ways that wouldn't work, but nothing that would. From street level, the building appeared to be impenetrable.

Leaning back in Daniel's chair, Jack slid open the top drawer of the desk. He discovered a picture frame, laying face down on top of yet more papers. Curious, he turned it over.

"Oh, Danny," he whispered. The photograph had been taken a few weeks before. It had been Daniel's birthday: Sam threw him a surprise party with Jack's help. It had been a small gathering; just friends, so Jack and Daniel hadn't needed to hide their relationship. This picture (Jack couldn't remember who had been holding the camera) had been taken in Sam's living room. He and Daniel had been together: Jack had his beer bottle raised like a champagne glass while Daniel was laughing, his eyes fixed on Jack. They weren't even touching, but no one who looked at this picture could fail to see the two men were in love.

It was just like Daniel to get that one framed.

Jack held the photograph tightly in his hands. Thinking about where Daniel was at that moment, it was hard not to be paralysed by his fears. Harder still to focus on the _mission, _this was to rescue all of their people, not just Jack's lover.

He had left Daniel behind once: aboard Klorel's ship. That time, he had no choice. It wasn't Jack's way to leave _anyone_ behind if there was any possible alternative. But Jack knew, looking at the photograph he held, that regardless of the mission he was going to bring Daniel home alive ... or he was going to die trying.

Replacing the photograph in the drawer, Jack glanced over the many artefacts Daniel collected. Stone tablets engraved with languages Jack would never understand, a handful of broken pots, two statuettes. Something about one of them caught his eye. It was an ancient statuette of a female figure. Some chips of the original blue and gold enamel still clung to the polished stone. The square-cut hair of the figure made it appear Egyptian, but according to Daniel it was Greek: Jack remembered him explaining she was Iris, the winged messenger of Zeus.

The _winged_ messenger ...

Jack sat up suddenly. "I'm an idiot!" he declared to the room at large. They had been occupied with considering the resources of the _Serapis_, and hadn't paid nearly enough attention to what they already knew. Jack grinned at the statuette and marched out of the office. _A few months away from work and my brain turned to mush! Time I started thinking like an officer again ..._

Now he had a plan.

***

#### Twenty-four hours later

The moment of truth. Jack felt more nervous than he had been on his first ever assignment. The weight of the equipment he carried was beginning to tell on him and he remembered that gravity on Nemesis was a bit stronger than Earth. There was nothing he could do about that now.

He checked his weapons one last time. Everything was within easy reach: guns, grenades, a couple of knives for good measure and more ammo than he could possibly need. He was also carrying a zat-gun: one of the two they had brought back from the Goa'uld ships they destroyed. His own experience as a prisoner of the Web had left him with a conviction that it was better to carry too much weaponry than to end up with not enough. They were going into a world with more advanced technology than their own. It was something the men and women of the SGC had done before, but these people weren't Goa'uld, they were human, and even with Acantha's extensive knowledge, they couldn't know exactly what to expect.

Havelock and his aide had thought Jack's plan was insane. That, Jack pointed out, was why it would work: they badly needed the element of surprise and if the idea was nuts, the Web certainly wouldn't expect it. The details had taken some time to work out. Apparently, the aircraft used on Nemesis were all either orbital flyers or semi-ballistics; neither suitable for what Jack had in mind. Acantha had provided the solution.

Jack's plan was simple. They couldn't enter the Web's complex from ground level, and all the nearby buildings were either too far away, or were carefully monitored by the Web. So they would have to go in from the air. His team - hand picked from the best the SGC had to offer - would parachute in from a carrier. There was very little chance their descent would be unnoticed, but it was guaranteed to be unexpected.

Seeing the city loom large below them, Jack addressed his team one last time. "Remember, when we jump, you're going to be hit by the carrier's repulsion. Keep your shields up. You'll fall faster than you're used to, and there'll be less oxygen than anywhere on Earth. The air here is pretty dirty. Wait as long as you can before you open your 'chute, but I'd rather you go too early than too late. I don't want any dead heroes on this trip. If you miss the target building, take up position in the streets and _wait_ for the signal to extract. We don't know what will happen in there: we might need backup. Any last minute questions?"

There were none, as Jack had expected. He had a good team here. They all knew the plan. "Okay. The enemy is considered criminal on this world. Official line: their war is none of our business, but believe me, these are the bad guys. If you have to shoot, shoot to kill, because you can bet they will. Let's go!"

Below the carrier, Jack could see their target getting closer. Timing was the hardest part of this game ... and the most critical. Acantha was in charge of that: as well as total recall she had a perfect sense of time. She wouldn't jump with them, but she was there to co-ordinate.

"'Cantha!" Jack called.

"Forty-eight seconds!" she called back.

Jack's nerves vanished. He checked his 'chute one last time and looked back at Acantha as she signalled a countdown. Three ... two ... one ...

Jack leapt. He'd done this on Earth countless times. While there was always a certain amount of risk in jumping from a plane 2,500 feet above the ground, this was one thing he knew he could do. _Except_ the repulsion of the carrier hit him like a cannonball and he was falling way too fast. He didn't have time to panic. The huge building that was their target rushed toward him. As soon as he was certain he was above it, Jack opened the parachute. It was always a great relief when that worked.

He landed hard, but he'd been prepared for that. He rolled as he hit the roof, coming up into a crouch, the zat already in his hand. The only people he saw were the other members of his team, but ...

There!

He fired at the "eye" of the camera. Electricity crackled over the shell and it died. Jack's eyes searched for others but he found none. He reeled in his 'chute and shrugged the pack off his shoulders. Around him, others were doing the same.

They'd lost two in the descent, by Jack's hurried count. The building was a hell of a lot bigger than the plans had made it look. Jack signalled to the others. There was a landing bay on the far side: there would be a door or a hatch there. They headed in that direction. Just before they reached it, the hatchway opened. Two men emerged ... and died before either fired a single shot.

Jack offered a thumbs-up signal and they headed inside.

***

Daniel heard the gunfire outside their prison and ran to the door. It was a futile gesture: the door was two inches thick and there was no convenient opening that would allow him to see outside. They had no way to know what was going on outside. Gunfire ... for a moment his heart leapt, thinking this must mean someone from Earth was involved. But they did use projectile weapons on this world: he remembered that from Acantha's encyclopaedia.

They had been in this cell, he thought, for three days. It was hard to be sure about the time. Anything resembling technology had been taken from them when they were captured: weapons, watches and even their remote transmitters. All he had to measure time was his own hunger (food had been delivered to them three times, through a kind of dumb-waiter that was protected by an electrical field the rest of the time) and Major Kovacek's condition, which was deteriorating still further.

Now _something_ was out there. Was this good news? Or the worst kind?

The gunfire was getting closer. From his position at the door, Daniel strained to hear: there were voices out there but he couldn't make anything out above the noise.

An explosion shook the building. That couldn't be good news. Then suddenly the gunfire was right outside the cell. Instinctively, Daniel moved away from the door.

Without warning, the door burst open. Daniel, braced to fight if necessary, couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Jack there. He simply accepted the fact, however. Jack had trained him well: in a situation like this, the questions would wait.

"Everyone okay?" Jack asked. He passed Daniel a zat-gun. "You remember how to use this?"

"I remember," Daniel told him, answering the second question first. "Kovacek's down, and I don't know what happened to 'Cantha or Teal'c."

Jack gestured down the corridor. "Point it that way. And kill anything that moves."

Daniel obeyed, using the doorframe as cover. The corridor was dark: his only light came from the fires of explosions. While Jack got everyone else out of the cell, Daniel was kept busy. Actually, a zat wasn't the best weapon for this: if he wanted to kill, he had to shoot each target twice. But he wasn't the only one doing the shooting: two others had taken up positions in the corridor beside him.

Finally, Jack reached his side again. "Where's Teal'c?" he demanded.

"He's not with you? I don't know, Jack! He was wounded in the ambush - I haven't seen him since."

"Damn! Danny, go with the others. I'll find him."

"Jack ... "

"Go!"

Daniel, knowing better than to argue, nodded. He started to move away, then turned back. He saw Jack watching him. Their eyes met, then Jack turned away and started running.

***

Jack had only that moment to drink in the sight of Daniel, alive and well. Just a second ... it was enough. Daniel would be safe with the rest of the team. They would signal for extraction as soon as all the hostages were accounted for. This left Jack a few minutes at most to find Teal'c before the Serapis attacked.

He headed further down the corridor, changing the magazine in his gun as he went. Finding the prisoners hadn't been too difficult. They'd had to shoot their way in, but thanks to the _Serapis_ they'd known exactly where they were going. The scanners on that ship were amazing. But their data hadn't shown that Teal'c had been separated from the other prisoners. Jack thought he had practically memorised the layout of the complex before the mission. When he reached the stairwell, he realised how wrong he had been. He would have given anything for Acantha's total recall. Teal'c could be _anywhere_. He might not even be in the complex. He might be dead.

_Not good enough, O'Neill. Assume he **is** somewhere in the building. He wasn't separated from the others because he was wounded because they'd have taken Kovacek, too. Maybe he made trouble for them. Acantha said they were hit by repulsion. Teal'c would have been better prepared for that: he's used to Goa'uld technology. So maybe he wasn't knocked out by the blast. Maybe he kept fighting._

_Maybe they killed him._

_No! He's alive. Assume he's alive. They didn't kill me ..._

Working on hunch alone, Jack headed for the basement.

***

For the rest of his life, the hour that followed would be nothing more than a blur in Jack's memory. By the time he reached the basement, he was almost out of ammo and had ditched one gun. He _thought_ he had three rounds left. He would have to be careful about using them.

He checked each door methodically. By the time he reached halfway, he was beginning to think his hunch had been a bad one. Then he heard an explosion overhead, louder by far than anything that could have come from a grenade. The _Serapis_? It had to be.

How long would it take that gunship to reduce this building to rubble?

Jack ducked into an empty room as several men ran past him, fleeing from a room further down. He waited, and then hurried on, still checking each room.

He burst into the last room with his gun at the ready. This was the room he'd seen evacuated. And finally, Teal'c was there, chained to the wall.

"O'Neill!" Teal'c said. The man's voice was strong: that was good.

"Heads up, Teal'c!" Jack took careful aim and fired a single round. He knew he had hit the chain: he saw the sparks fly. But it was still in place.

"One more," Teal'c suggested, testing the strength of the chain.

Jack fired again. Teal'c pulled hard on the chain and suddenly he was free. "Let's go!" Jack urged. They both ran. Jack led them toward the elevator. The noise was getting very loud now, the explosions overhead more frequent. Jack punched the button for the elevator but there was no response.

"Stairs," he decided. "This way."

But when they reached the stairwell, it was full of flames. Jack tried to open the door, but was driven back by the heat. Teal'c pulled him back and closed the door. "I think that route is unwise, O'Neill."

"I think you're right," Jack agreed. But there was nowhere else to go.

Then a new explosion rocked the building. Teal'c grabbed Jack and threw them both to the ground.

Everything became black.

***

"O'Neill. O'Neill!"

Teal'c's voice was the first thing Jack heard. He opened his eyes. Everything was shades of grey and black. Was he blind or was it just dark? There was pain. Actually, there was a hell of a lot of pain. And the air was full of dust.

"O'Neill!" he heard again. It sounded very far away.

"I'm here," Jack mumbled. That hurt.

"Are you injured?"

"Uh ... yeah. I think so." Jack would have laughed, but that would probably hurt, too. Forced to think about it, Jack tried to take stock of his pain. "My head hurts ... and my back. I think my arm's broken ... oh, God! Yeah, definitely broken. I might have cracked a couple of ribs, too. It hurts to breathe. There's a ton of weight on my legs." To Jack, it felt as if that speech took half an hour: he just couldn't get enough breath to string more than a couple of words together at once. "Did the whole building fall on us? Or just some of it?"

"I do not know," Teal'c replied and Jack again had to stifle a laugh. Would Teal'c ever learn to get a joke? Or did the big guy do it on purpose?

"I too am trapped, O'Neill, but I believe I can free myself. I will try to reach you."

"No! Teal'c ... I'm hurt bad. If ... you can ... get free, you'd b-better ... go for help."

"I will try," Teal'c assured him. Then all Jack could do was wait.

It seemed to take forever. Jack could hear some movement, which he assumed was Teal'c. He could barely see anything. Maybe it was night. Yes ... he definitely had broken ribs. It was getting harder to breathe. When he coughed, he could taste blood. That meant internal bleeding.

Which meant his time was running out.

Daniel was safe. Jack knew that for sure. Plan A had been for the team to make it back to the roof for pickup. They must have made it, or the attack wouldn't have started so quickly. That meant Daniel was on his way home.

Jack called up the last look they had exchanged from his memory. Daniel's gorgeous blue eyes had met his for just a moment. He'd been worried, but he'd followed orders. Danny made a good soldier when he had to. Jack was proud of him.

If only he could have said "I love you" one more time.

It was becoming clear to Jack that he wasn't going to make it. Even if Teal'c could get out of here, Jack didn't think he had enough time for him to bring back help.

"Teal'c," he called. His voice wasn't good at all.

"I am here, O'Neill." Teal'c's voice sounded much closer. Jack heard more movement, and suddenly Teal'c was beside him. "I believe I see light above you O'Neill," he said.

Jack strained to look up. "I can't ... see anything."

"I will try to bring back help, O'Neill."

_No, that's no good. It'll be too late._ "Teal'c ... about ... Daniel."

There was silence. Then Teal'c spoke, unusually quietly for him: "I did not intend - "

"I know." Jack had to force the words out. "You ... did nothing ... wrong. Y-you ... love ... him."

It hadn't been a question, but Teal'c answered. "I do."

"Me ... too." God, it was dark. "Teal'c ... if I don't ... make it ... Look after him for me. Daniel ... he shouldn't be alone."

"He will not be. You _will_ see him again, O'Neill."

Teal'c sounded so confident, as if there wasn't even a possibility that he might fail. It helped. Jack whispered, "Go ... Teal'c. Find ... help."

And he was alone.

It was so cold. All Jack could do was wait. Every breath hurt and he was so tired. So tired. He had to stay awake, somehow. Teal'c wouldn't fail him. The big guy never had.

_Awake, O'Neill. Stay awake ... just a little longer ..._

"Daniel," Jack breathed.

And slept.

***

After two days without sleep, Daniel was surviving on adrenaline alone. They didn't even have coffee on this planet! But he wouldn't sleep. He _couldn't_. Not until he knew Jack would be okay.

He had never been more scared than when they were digging through what was left of the Web's fortress complex. Acantha had practically had to drag him away from the wreckage; lecturing him about letting the professionals do their job. One wrong move and the entire structure could collapse, killing the survivors they knew were still inside. Daniel had watched from the _Serapis_ instead. The gunship's scanners had been constantly in use, locating survivors in the rubble. They had found a man climbing through the lowest part of the complex and directed the rescue teams to his location. When it turned out the man was Teal'c, Daniel knew they had found Jack.

Daniel reached the hospital at the same time as the transport carrying Jack had got there. He had waited impatiently, pacing the confines of the tiny waiting room until the doctor had finally appeared to report on Jack's condition. Hospitals, it seemed, were the same on both their worlds: the building was sterile and unwelcoming. The doctor was someone he recognised: Tate, who had helped save Jack before. Tate had taken Daniel into his office, where they could talk privately.

"He's in a mess," Tate reported frankly. "He's been unconscious a long time. The PET scan shows some bleeding into the brain ... could be worse, look." He spread the chart out on the table, but as before, it meant very little to Daniel.

Tate continued, "He's got a lot of broken bones ... legs, ribs and one arm. The right arm is crushed: those bones won't heal. It's a miracle there's no spinal damage. He's got some bad internal bleeding as well..."

Daniel sank down into the nearest chair. He had known this was going to be bad, but ... He felt faint.

"Daniel?" Tate broke off his report and knelt beside Daniel's chair. "Daniel ... I'm sorry. I forgot how that would sound to you. Listen to me - he's going to be fine. I know it sounds bad, but we ... _I_ can repair all of the damage. _All_ of it, Daniel. He's going to be fine."

Daniel hadn't moved from Jack's bedside since he came out of surgery. When they got home, he was going to get some real medical training. He'd had enough of not quite understanding all this stuff, and more than enough of not being able to help. He could deliver a baby but he couldn't set a broken bone. Ridiculous.

Two days was a long time to watch someone sleep. Yes, Tate had explained that it was best to keep Jack sedated. But it wasn't helping Daniel. He reached out again, gently stroking his lover's cheek. _Damn this planet. Every time we come here, you end up in hospital._ Jack was lying completely still on the bed, the white sheets covering his body to just below his shoulders. His breathing was shallow, but it was there. A bank of monitors above the bed showed his vital signs; Daniel had learned to read them quickly and was reassured that Jack was still stable. If only he would wake!

Jack turned his face into Daniel's touch.

"Jack?" Daniel said hopefully.

"Danny ... "

"Jack! Oh, god, Jack." Daniel felt tears sting his eyes: as much exhaustion as relief.

"Danny," Jack said again, more distinctly. His eyes opened and he looked for Daniel. When their eyes met he started to smile. "I didn't think I'd see you again."

"I know."

Jack's smile faded suddenly. He looked down at himself. "Daniel, what happened to me? I can't move!"

"It's okay, Jack," Daniel said quickly. "Don't panic. You're going to be fine. The doctor will be here in a minute."

"Don't _panic_?" Jack repeated. "Daniel, please just tell me the truth."

Daniel stroked Jack's face gently. "It really is okay. You're not paralysed. You were badly hurt, but you're going to be fine."

Daniel could see Jack considering that. Jack apparently decided to believe him. "Why can't I move?" he asked.

"Because," a new voice said, "we have a spinal block on you from the neck down. Welcome back, Colonel O'Neill."

"Tate?" Jack sounded relieved.

"Good to see you again, Colonel."

"What the hell happened to me?"

"A building fell on you," Tate told him dryly.

"I think I remember that part. I guess they don't build 'em like they used to."

Daniel smiled with relief. If Jack was cracking jokes it couldn't be all bad.

Tate smiled, too, responding to the joke. "I think you're the one who didn't get out before the demolition team moved in." Then he became serious. "Colonel, when we pulled you out of the rubble you were what the kids call ‘busted'. Three broken ribs, punctured lung, a few other broken bones ... the right radius and ulna - that's your forearm - were basically shattered. And you had a concussion that turned nasty as well."

"I thought you said I was going to be okay."

"You will, Jack," Daniel promised.

"Colonel, except for the concussion, the injuries I've just described are all things we can easily fix. A bit of laser work to fix that lung and an old-fashioned blood transfusion. I knitted the bones that were repairable, and replaced the rest. The work needed on your arm was most extensive: I had to rebuild the skeleton and ligaments from your elbow down. That's the reason for the spinal block: if it wasn't there you'd be in agony right now. But once the welds settle down, you'll never know it was broken."

Daniel added, "It's the same sort of work that was done on Acantha, Jack. With the significant difference that you're already an adult. So there really won't be any lasting effects."

"Really? Cool." Jack seemed to relax a bit.

"Really," Tate confirmed. "You won't even see the scars, Colonel. I am going to leave that spinal block in place until tomorrow, then I'll give you some painkillers if you think you need them."

Daniel looked up, interrupting. "Tate ... can I talk to Jack, alone?"

Tate nodded. "I have other patients waiting. But Daniel, promise me you'll sleep soon. I don't want you to be one of them."

"I will," Daniel confirmed. He watched Tate leave before turning back to Jack.

"Danny, what happened to Teal'c?" Jack asked suddenly. "I remember ... he was trying to get us out ... is he ... ?"

"Teal'c's fine. The _Serapis_ located both of you in the first hour after we started searching. Teal'c managed to climb most of the way out before he hit a wall he couldn't move. The diggers did the rest. By then they already knew where you were. Teal'c needed some patching up, but you know him: he heals real fast. He's back at the SGC now."

"Good to hear. What about everyone else?"

Daniel grinned. "Worried about your team, Jack? A few injuries, no fatalities. Mission a complete success, and Captain Havelock wants to give you a medal. Hammond's waiting for your report." Daniel paused for breath. "Jack ... um ... "

"What? Bad news?"

"No ... it's just something you should know. You see, they have some pretty strict laws here about medical procedures. I couldn't ask them to send us home: Janet wouldn't have been able to do the work they can. But ... "

"What? Did you beat someone up to get 'em to operate or something?"

"Tate wouldn't operate without an authorisation. You weren't able to speak for yourself so ... I told them that we were married." The last four words came out in a rush.

There was silence from Jack.

"Jack, I didn't have a lot of choice. Without that, Tate wasn't allowed to do more than save your life."

"Married, huh?" Jack said finally. "Does anyone from home know that?"

"Do you think I'm that stupid? Even if they did: it was a lie to get Tate to put you back together. That's all. I'm sorry."

Jack smiled. "Oh, I'll forgive you. On one condition."

The weight lifted from Daniel's heart. Playing along, he smiled. "What condition?" he asked.

"Come here and kiss me."

***

#### Three days later

It was good to be home. It was good to be healed: injuries that on Earth would have needed months of recuperation had been healed on Nemesis in days. There was still some pain, but he was back in one piece. And it was wonderful to be lying in his own bed again, pleasantly exhausted from lovemaking, with his lover in his arms. As far as Jack was concerned this was as good as life could get.

They had been talking for hours, about all sorts of things. Finally Daniel had asked Jack how he'd managed to get his job back at the SGC. Jack, who had been wondering how long it would take Daniel to ask, filled him in.

"You make it sound like he begged you to come back," Daniel commented.

"General Hammond doesn't beg," Jack pointed out. "He let me have my say, that's all. We both knew I wasn't going to refuse."

"Well, I'm not surprised he wanted you back," Daniel said. "I'm not the only one at the SGC who thinks you can perform miracles."

Jack frowned. "What miracles?"

"Oh, pulling off the impossible. Saving the world. Little things like that." Daniel rolled over so he was facing Jack. "I mean, there are a lot of people who respect you. I'm the one who made the Stargate work, but you're the one who keeps it working. When we lost SG-10, I heard your name a lot around the base. People thought it would have gone differently if you'd been there."

Jack shook his head. "I can't stop a black hole, Danny. I've read the report on that one. I can't think of anything I'd have done differently."

"Doesn't matter. What matters is that the men and women at the SGC believe in you, Colonel. The place just wasn't the same without you."

"That's good to know," Jack told him.

He leaned closer to Daniel and they kissed, long and passionate. Jack was fairly sure he was done for the night, but Daniel, obviously, had other ideas. When Jack released his mouth, Daniel began to kiss a path down Jack's neck and chest. Jack sighed and lay back: it felt too good to ask Daniel to stop. Then Daniel's kisses reached the chain that held Jack's dog tags.

Daniel looked up at Jack, pulling a face. "I hate the taste of metal when I'm trying to turn you on."

Jack laughed softly. "Danny, love, one more time and you'll put me back in the hospital. It's been a long time since I could manage three in one night."

Daniel smiled wickedly. "For what I have in mind, lover, you just have to lie there." He kissed Jack's neck again, sucking gently on the sensitive skin, careful not to leave a mark. He drew Jack's earlobe into his mouth, while his hand wandered down Jack's belly to cup and caress his cock. "Please?" he asked. Daniel's erection was moving slowly against Jack's thigh.

Jack groaned, but he wasn't disappointed. He loved this side of Daniel, loved his passion and his desire ... and felt incredibly lucky to be the object of both. He reached into the drawer for some more lubricant and discovered a small, carefully wrapped package. With everything that had happened recently, he'd forgotten all about it.

It would wait a little longer. He found the lube and twisted off the cap before passing it to Daniel.

"I love you, Jack."

"I know," Jack answered. He lay back, relaxing, letting Daniel do as he pleased with him. Jack remembered the short conversation he'd had with Teal'c when he thought he was dying. _Daniel shouldn't be alone_, he'd said. Why was it always near-death that led to the real breakthroughs in his relationship with Daniel? There _had_ to be an easier way. The first time had been Daniel's apparent death on Nem's planet ... then it had taken the Goa'uld invasion to break the barriers of misunderstanding and get them, finally, to admit they were in love. And it was only when he had been dying, when he had thought of Daniel having to attend another funeral, that he had finally realised why Daniel had slept with another man.

It was so simple: he'd been alone. And Teal'c had known that, and had understood ... and Jack had suddenly understood it all. The betrayal had been Jack's. Teal'c had been trying to help a man he loved deeply, and had undoubtedly been hurt in the process. Daniel didn't know how Teal'c felt. _The highest form of friendship_, Daniel had said.

_Oh, Danny, if only you knew._

Daniel's fingers slid into his body, as Daniel's mouth closed over his cock, driving all thought from Jack's mind. Even as tired as he was, Jack couldn't help but respond to the dual sensations. As his cock swelled in Daniel's mouth, he sighed with pleasure. Daniel made a sound of satisfaction, sliding three fingers deeper into Jack's body. Still sucking on Jack's cock, Daniel's fingers found his prostate and he began to stroke it lightly.

"Danny ... " Jack gasped, " ... ah ... Danny ... "

Daniel drew away, leaving Jack gasping, wanting. "Ready for me, Jack?" he asked, teasing.

"Oh ... yeah!"

Daniel was already opening a condom. Sliding it onto himself quickly, he raised himself above Jack, entering him slowly. Jack looked up at his lover; Daniel's eyes were closed, his expression one of intense concentration. Jack knew that look so well: Daniel trying hard not to come too soon.

"Daniel," he urged, "don't be gentle."

And Daniel was _there_, thrusting inside him, taking him, claiming ...

After, they both slept, still tangled up in each other's limbs.

***

Daniel woke with a start, from a dream that was instantly forgotten. He was lying half on top of Jack, both of them naked. He got up carefully, not wanting to disturb Jack. The room stank of sex. As he opened the window, Daniel smiled to himself. They had been on the active side last night. A trip to the laundry was probably needed. He took a long look at his sleeping lover and then headed into the bathroom.

As the hot water of the shower beat down on his body, Daniel found himself reviewing the past few days. The day after Jack regained consciousness, Tate had decided Jack was well enough to leave the hospital. They had arranged for transport back to the Nemesis Stargate and headed home. As soon as they appeared on Earth, Jack had been ordered to the infirmary.

Janet had been given the initial report on Jack's condition, with a summary of the work Tate planned to do, but she had heard nothing since. She was amazed Jack actually _walked_ into her infirmary. Despite Jack's insistence that he was fine, Janet had run an extensive program of tests. Daniel had seen the X-rays she had taken: synthetic bone and cartilage was clearly distinguishable from the real thing. Janet couldn't believe it. It wasn't the nature of the work that surprised her - most of it was within reach of Earth's technology - it was the _time_ it had taken. She planned to take her next leave on Nemesis.

Ever cautious, Janet wouldn't certify Jack fit for active duty for at least two weeks. That left SG-1 under Major Redmond's command for the time being ... possibly permanently: none of them knew for sure what General Hammond intended. Daniel didn't mind taking orders from someone else: he had his Jack back now.

Yet there was something ... Daniel wasn't sure, but he felt there was something Jack hadn't said. With no idea what that might be, he had left it alone for now, trusting Jack to talk to him when he was ready. Though this was Jack O'Neill: that might be expecting a bit much.

Daniel heard a sound behind him and turned to see Jack there. Jack stepped into the shower with him. "Wash your back?" he offered.

Daniel handed him the soap. He sighed as he felt Jack's hands on his body, slick with soap, washing a great deal more than just his back. Jack's touch was playful and intimate. Finally Daniel reached up for him and they kissed. Hot water poured over them both as they held each other. Daniel felt Jack's erection pushing against his skin and dropped a hand to stroke him slowly.

Jack murmured into Daniel's mouth, "Mm ... I never could resist you."

"Love you, Jack," Daniel said, kneeling down.

Jack knelt down with him, spoiling Daniel's plans. "Not here. Come into the bedroom. I have something for you."

Daniel grinned. "A blowjob?"

Jack laughed. "That too, if you want it."

In the bedroom, Jack's mood seemed to change. He sat down with Daniel on the bed, but didn't resume their lovemaking. There was something on his mind, Daniel guessed. He said nothing, just waited. That was usually the best way to get Jack to talk.

"On Nemesis ... remember when you told the hospital we were married?" Jack said eventually.

Was that still bugging Jack? "I remember," Daniel agreed. "I already said I'm sorry ... "

"I don't want you to be sorry. I liked the idea."

Daniel swallowed. "You did?"

Jack nodded. "For a few days, everyone knew we're lovers, no one thought anything was wrong with that ... it was ... nice."

Suddenly uncomfortable, Daniel looked away. "Jack ... I'm already married. Remember?"

Jack's fingers rested lightly on Daniel's lips. "Ssh. I'm not asking you to marry me. I love you enough, Danny, but that's not possible. Not if I want to keep my job."

"I know."

"I wanted to tell you how I feel, that's all. I don't say it much."

"Jack, you don't _have_ to say it. I know. You ... you don't doubt my feelings, do you? You know I love you..."

Jack smiled, kissing him lightly on the lips. "Space monkey, I know that." He reached into the drawer for the package he had remembered the night before. He hesitated before handing it to Daniel. "This ... it was supposed to be for your birthday. But I had to get it specially made and it wasn't ready in time."

Daniel's eyes went wide. "Jack ... what?"

Jack grinned. "Well, don't _ask_ me, Danny-boy. Open it."

Daniel took the package from Jack's hands. The thin paper it was wrapped in tore easily, revealing a plain plastic box. Daniel opened the box and gasped. "Jack!"

Jack smiled, thrilled by Daniel's reaction. "I ... um ... did a bit of research while you were off-world. Did I get it right?"

Daniel whispered, "It's beautiful ... perfect."

It was a gold pendant, about two inches high. Recognisable as an Egyptian ankh, this one was unique. Rather than the usual oval loop, this one was a perfect double circle, with seven inward-pointing triangles engraved around the edges: a stylised representation of the Stargate. Below it, the crosspiece was engraved with the point of origin symbol for Earth. Not the symbol from the Stargate itself, but the seventh symbol from the coverstone that Daniel had translated to make the Stargate work.

Daniel hadn't said a word for some minutes.

"You don't have to wear it," Jack started to say.

"Are you kidding?" Daniel asked. He carefully removed the pendant from the box. The chain was fairly long and quite heavy: strong enough to hold the weight of the pendant. "Help me, Jack," Daniel asked, turning his back on his lover. Jack took the pendant from Daniel and clasped it around his neck. Daniel looked down, wondering how long it would take to get used to the unfamiliar weight. Jack, behind him, bent to kiss Daniel's neck, just above the chain.

"I'll never take it off," Daniel vowed.

"So now," Jack murmured, between kisses, "it'll be me who gets a mouthful of metal when I try to turn you on."

Daniel laughed, turning toward Jack's kisses. "You're doing that right now," he smiled. "Do we have time for a quick one before work?"

Jack thought about that. "Mmm ... probably, if we skip breakfast," he decided. "But ... " Jack ran his hands lightly down his lover's chest, tracing the lines of gold. "I don't want a quickie, Daniel. I want to take my time ... kiss every part of you ... for hours ... until you're ready ... to promise me anything ... and then I'll take you ... real slow ... all night." He drew Daniel close and kissed him, the kiss as deep and tender as his words. He drew away, slowly, looking into his lover's dilated eyes. "And ... " he added, "I want you thinking about that _all_ day." He rose and walked over to the closet, still smiling.

A pillow hit him in the back and he turned around.

"I'll get you for that," Daniel threatened.

Jack winked. "That was the plan. C'mon, Danny. We're going to be late for work."

Surprisingly, they were both somewhat late for work that morning.

***

#### Two weeks later

"Chevron five encoded!"

Jack watched the Stargate power up. He looked again at his team. It was great to be back, he decided.

There had been some talk of leaving SG-1 in its current state, under Redmond's command, leaving Jack to put together a new team. Jack would have been happy with that. It might even have been the best way to go: Jack was aware that having Daniel under his command created a potentially fatal weakness for both of them.

In the end, however, it had been Redmond who decided the issue. He had put a proposal before General Hammond for a new team, dedicated to off-world research. Redmond, in addition to his Air Force qualifications, was a geologist. His idea was to put together a group who could investigate the uninhabited worlds they discovered, seeking signs of lost civilisations or natural resources that Earth could use.

Jack had supported the idea, assuming that such a team would need a man with Daniel's knowledge and skills: Redmond's proposal could almost have been written with Daniel in mind. Hammond had surprised them all, however, announcing that SG-1, under Colonel O'Neill's command would keep Daniel "for the time being". All four of them knew what that meant: prove you can still work together as a team ... or else.

Jack intended to meet that challenge.

Daniel, checking his equipment one last time, glanced up and met Jack's eyes. His eyes were smiling.

"Doctor Jackson," Jack sighed. "What have you forgotten this time? Your teddy bear?"

"Nope. Got everything I need," Daniel grinned.

Sam chuckled. But she was most carefully not looking at the men: she was watching the Gate.

Lastly, Jack glanced up at Teal'c. Teal'c nodded slowly. That was all that needed to be said.

The Gate-room filled with light as the wormhole opened, its initial explosion settling into the familiar, rippling event horizon.

"Okay, people." Jack stepped up onto the ramp. "Let's move out." He felt the team step up beside him.

All was right with the world again.


End file.
